Chapter 20: Peter Parker

"You bastard teacher! You scoundrel teacher! If you've got guts, fight me head-on! What kind of coward sneaks in with a taser?!"

Jessica Jones was planted firmly on the couch in the new Federal Bureau of Investigation Academy's Academic Affairs Office, launching a full-auto verbal assault at Dante.

Dante had a headache. A real, pounding, "why-did-I-leave-bed-this-morning" headache.

Fortunately, this girl was the kind that only talked big. If she'd actually kept fighting, he might've had to use his Green Lantern ring to put her down.

And then there was Wolverine—Combat Class instructor, Academic Dean—sitting behind his desk, grinning like a wolf at a barbecue, just watching his colleague get verbally shredded.

"Laugh it up, furball. Weren't you the top tough guy of the X-Men?! Why do you look so... cuddly now? I feel ill."

"Hahaha, we're coworkers now. Can't cling to old images forever."

Wolverine, who in this universe had never lost his memory, was over 200 years old and had mellowed out like a whiskey barrel with sentience.

"Come on—where did you find this feisty little wildcat?"

"Convenience store in Central City. Don't let her age fool you. Just eighteen, but already a grandmaster in smoking, drinking, and perming."

"Outstanding! I also smoke, drink, and perm! I have high hopes for her!"

Wolverine gave her a very sincere thumbs-up.

Dante's face twitched like a corrupted GIF.

That wasn't sarcasm. Wolverine genuinely believed smoking, drinking, and perming were... skills worth endorsing.

And Jessica responded to that praise with two slender, artfully extended middle fingers.

Dante sighed, leaned toward Logan, and muttered under his breath:

"When I was a student, I didn't get it... but now I finally understand. How the hell did my teachers not kill me?"

"Relax, it's just some harmless barking. In my eyes, she's already a model student—good conduct and solid grades."

Wolverine happily took out a cigar, lit it, took two relaxed drags, then blew a smoke ring like a bored dragon at a PTA meeting.

"Back when I joined Xavier's School, I used to knock some sense into those brats all the time. No joke, some of 'em even tried to sneak into my room at night and assassinate me! Ah... those were the days. Beautiful memories."

…What part of that is "beautiful"? Or "memories"?

Dante gave him the world's most unimpressed side-eye.

"You mean you provoked your students to the point they plotted to kill you—and you're proud of that?!"

"I'm just passing on my educational experience to a new faculty member."

Logan shrugged like he was explaining the weather, then leaned in:

"They're not normal students, so you gotta use some simple, visual learning methods."

"Visual learning?"

"The teacher's fist is harder. So listen to the teacher."

Dante was about to roll out a full complaint buffet when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," he grunted.

The door opened, and in stepped a boy with an awkward, slightly nervous face.

"Dean Logan, Teacher Dante, I'm Peter Parker. I'm a new student at the Federal Bureau of Investigation Academy. We're here to ask how Jessica is doing and to take her back with us."

Behind him, a crowd of teen superheroes poked their heads in like nosy squirrels.

"Good day, Dean! Good day, Teacher!"

White Tiger. Iron Fist. Luke Cage. Nova. Squirrel Girl.

All familiar faces. All one hundred percent underage.

"You all know Jessica Jones?" Dante raised a brow. "You seem awfully worried. You close?"

"Uh, Teacher Dante, we're all good friends. Same high school."

"…Which high school?"

"Midtown High."

Dante clicked his tongue.

Midtown High. Of course.

That magical educational institution that cranks out superheroes like a vending machine with bad boundaries.

"Pfft. I'm not friends with any of you losers."

Jessica Jones got up from the couch. Despite her cold words, her body betrayed her—she was already walking toward the group.

...Classic tsundere move, sweetie. It's 2025. Get new material.

"Alright, alright, kids, take your friend and scram."

Wolverine stood up and—gruff but weirdly polite—herded the entire underage Justice League Jr. out the door.

Despite his constant smirking, Logan's face still carried that edge, so none of the kids argued.

But even in those few short minutes, Dante got a full taste of Peter Parker's ultimate hidden power—aside from righteousness and spider stuff:

Nonstop talking.

"Hey Teacher Dante! Agent Dante Alighieri! I've heard about your exploits! Director Nick Fury values you and Star Team the most! I haven't even graduated yet, but one day I definitely want to join Star Team! Is there a bonus? Probably, right? Wait, don't tell me—if there's a test, I'll just start studying now! Oh, and I once snuck into the Bureau's action footage vault with Doreen Green and pulled up your combat logs! Dude—dude!—you took down that madman from Gotham City?! Even Batman couldn't handle him for years! And then Tony Stark showed up! His armor's amazing, but also... kinda flimsy? And you—what was that green ring thing?! Does it require a catchphrase to activate? Is it like 'It's morphin' time,' or—"

Talking. Jumping from topic to topic.

And the most dangerous part, he didn't stop to breathe.

Wolverine slammed the door shut.

Dante finally exhaled like he'd just escaped a hostage situation.

"Logan, I think my brain's melting. Has this Peter Parker kid never spoken before in his life? Or will he literally die if he doesn't say everything in his head right now?"

"He's notorious. Seems like a quiet little loner, but really he's a walking social landmine."

Logan lit another cigar with the resigned air of someone who's been personally victimized by Parker's monologues.

"Earlier today, he talked so much Raven nearly lost control of her transformation state."

Dante froze.

Raven? As in—Mystique?

In this world, she's not that Mystique from the movies. She's an OG Mutant, roughly the same age as Logan, maybe older.

Even that grandma-level shapeshifter couldn't handle the Parker chatter. That said a lot.

The kid was like a one-man verbal Deadpool.

"But Emma really likes him," Logan added. "He's handsome. Exactly Emma Frost's type."

"Emma? The White Queen?!"

"Yup."

(To be continued.)