Chapter 7

I felt my husband’s hand touch me as he tried to wake me.

He smiled at me but seeing his eyes made me sad, do you know how I betrayed you last night?

His smile faded and a frown settled on him.

“What’s wrong?”

He asked softly.

“Nothing, just pregnancy hormones.”

I said.

“Yesterday was intense.”

He noted.

“Did you not enjoy it?”

I asked guilt gripping my throat.

“I did but I was watching you,

you were gone from this earth!

I have never seen get lost in me like that.”

He bit his lip.

“So what happened yesterday?”

My heart thudded, and I broke into a cold sweat.

“Remy told me that my mother was here, what did she want?

Why didn’t you call me? And why didn’t you answer my calls?”

He asked softly.

“Oh, she came to apologize and she brought me some maternity clothes, I think my phone is under the couch.”

He nodded his head.

“What happened to your ankle?”

He asked gently.

“I was sitting on the counter and I jumped down but my leg gave out on me.”

I whispered.

I know this is how Nathan was,

he wasn’t being possessive but for the first time in years it felt like he was interrogating me.

Of course we know each other well,

and of course he’d notice when something is not right with me, I wish he wasn’t as attentive.

“Does it hurt?”

I shook my head.

Nathan reached for my foot and placed it gently in his lap.

His fingers brushed lightly over the swollen skin of my ankle, and he frowned.

“You should’ve iced this,” he said.

“I was too tired,” I replied quietly, unable to meet his eyes.

He didn’t respond right away.

Instead, he kept his gaze trained on my ankle like it was a puzzle he was trying to solve.

The weight of his silence made my skin prickle.

“You’re shaking,”

he said after a moment.

“No, I’m not—”

I started, but he looked up at me, and I stopped lying.

He knew.

Not everything — not even close — but enough to feel the imbalance, the fracture starting to form in the space between us.

His hand didn’t leave my ankle, but his expression changed.

Slower. Calmer.

Like a man gathering thoughts before walking into fire.

“Are you sure that you are, okay?”

I nodded my head.

“I am fine baby, just pregnancy hormones.”

He came and kissed my forehead gently.

“There’s a business trip that Remy and I will go too,

so again you have to go play CEO at the office.”

He said playfully.

“Of course anything for you baby.”

He smiled and then he went to shower.

I limped my way to downstairs to get my phone, and I unblocked Remy’s number.

And immediately my phone rang, I picked it up but I didn’t speak.

“So you finally unblocked my number, why didn’t you do it sooner?”

I could feel his smile, the calmness of his breath.

Amela what are you doing!!!? My sub consciousness yelled at me.

I dropped the call without saying a word, I sat down and I started crying.

My crying was short lived cause I heard the shower cut off.

I wiped my eyes and my husband breakfast.

“Oh no baby, you didn’t have too!”

He picked me and set me on the couch and he tired and ice pack around my leg.

“Si Ra is coming to see you later, she wanted it to be a surprise.”

He muttered.

“Nathan,”

I called out.

“Thank you for always taking care of me.”

He came and kneeled in front of me, like a subservient husband.

“You are my favourite person in this whole world, I would do anything for you.”

He kissed my lips.

And then he left for work.

The door clicked shut again, and this time, it was even harder to breathe.

I stared at the ice pack Nathan had gently tied around my ankle — like a ribbon of devotion. Every gesture from him this morning was soaked in sincerity, in love, in care I didn’t deserve.

“You are my favourite person in this whole world.”

The words echoed in my mind like a hymn I didn’t know how to sing back.

My throat tightened, and guilt clawed at the corners of my chest.

I walked over to the sink and splashed my face with cold water. I couldn’t afford to cry again — not when Si Ra was coming, not when the day had just started.

But just as I turned back to clean the dishes… my phone vibrated.

Remy.

No name. Just the number now. But I knew it was him.

Another message.

 “Don’t run from me next time, sweetheart. You owe me a proper answer.”

I locked the screen and pressed the phone against my chest.

My hands were trembling again.

I could still taste Nathan’s kiss from earlier.

But I could feel Remy’s voice — like smoke curling around my neck.

What kind of woman does that make me?

I limped to the guest bathroom, not ready to face my own reflection in the master en suite mirror. I turned on the tap and gripped the edge of the basin.

I loved my husband. Truly.

But a door had opened. One I hadn’t even meant to walk through. And now… I didn’t know how to close it.

Not with Remy standing on the other side.

Not with my heart cracking under the weight of two impossible truths.

Just after midday Si Ra arrived, looking all beautiful but for some reason I wasn’t happy to her.

After letting her in she sat down.

“You don’t look happy to see me”

She noted.

“You’re the one who cancelled on me last time, so why are you all sour?”

She asked softly.

“Nothing I am just tired, my baby makes me tired.”

She blinked at me, and I remembered that I hadn’t told her I was pregnant.

“You’re pregnant? Congratulations.”

She said softly and then things became awkward.

“I feel like you have changed”

She started.

“I am married! Of course I would change.”

I muttered defensively.

“No, it’s not that!

I understand changing because you love being married and being with your husband, but I barely recognise you.”

She said truthfully.

“I am married too,

our husbands work together but we couldn’t be further away from each other,

I mean you didn’t even tell me you are pregnant!”

She stood up and went to the door.

“When you are ready to be friends again, you have my number.”

She pulled the door open and she walked out.

I stared at the space where she had been sitting, and I sighed.

My phone rang and it was my husband but for the first time since we’ve known each other I didn’t pick up his call.

Amela, what are you doing honestly?

What is this that you are feeling?

Because Nathan is a much better man than Remy could ever be,

so why are you cracking a space open for Remy.

My sub consciousness asked staring at me

You cheated on Nathan yesterday!

Even though Remy wasn’t the one touching you,

you did the worst kind! Emotional cheating.

You are using Nathan as your shield yet you are not protecting him.

I was staring at myself in disgust, maybe I should come clean.

I should tell Nathan what is going on with me, if I was able to come clean about my crush on Remy surely, I could tell him about this.

I sat on the floor with my back against the kitchen counter, knees drawn up, arms wrapped tightly around my belly.

My phone rang again.

Nathan.

I let it ring.

And then I turned it off.

I wasn’t doing this because I didn’t love him.

I was doing it because I did.

I closed my eyes, trying to imagine what I would even say.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t touched another man, but my thoughts have.”

“You love me with your whole heart, but I’ve given someone else a window into mine.”

What kind of apology is that?

What kind of wife does that make me?

I pressed my hand against my stomach, feeling the tiniest flutter — maybe real, maybe not — and I whispered, “I’m sorry, baby. Your mommy is messy.”

I stood up slowly and walked to the bedroom.

Nathan’s pillow still held the scent of his aftershave. His kindness. His stability.

The man who Would kneel in front of me just to tie an ice pack around my ankle — not because I asked, but because he noticed.

And I didn’t even pick up his call.

I pulled his shirt over my head — the soft grey one he always left on the chair. I sat on our bed, hugging myself in it.

I knew what I had to do.

Come clean.

Tell him everything — not just the pregnancy, not just the hormones, but the real things. The feelings I had no business entertaining. The spaces In my heart that weren’t fully his right now.

Even if it shattered us.

Even if he never looked at me the same again.

Because he deserved the truth — not just the version of me that smiled at breakfast and kissed him goodbye.

I heard the door downstairs open.

“Amela.”

I heard my husband’s voice, I heard him walk up and he came into our bedroom.

He stared at me worriedly, he looked like he had been running.

His phone rang and he picked it up.

“Remy continue with a meeting for me, I will return later to the office.”

He dropped the call and he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Did you walk out on a important meeting?”

He shook his head.

“Nobody is important more than you, what’s going on? You have never not picked up my phone calls?”

I stared at him unable to say anything.

He reached out and touched my knee softly.

“Talk to me, Amela.”

His voice was calm. Not angry — just aching for an answer.

Still I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

Then he sighed.

“Is it because you called me Remy in your sleep?”

My blood ran cold and I felt my stomach drop.

“I…I did?”

Not that I didn’t know but I was shocked.

He nodded his head.

“I am sorry.”

Tears left my eyes, he sat closer to me and he wiped the tears on my face.

“I guess this crush is sticking like glue.”

He teased.

“So what do you want to do Amela?

Do you want us to talk it out, what is it that you like about him?

I’ll tell him to stop coming around the house, and I can put him in another department… Let me know what I can do for you, so you don’t feel like you betrayed me.”

When he said that I started ugly sobbing.

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly.

“Please don’t be kind to me! Yell at me and curse me out.”

I said through my tears.

“Don’t make me that kind of husband, don’t make me barbaric and uneducated.

My beautiful Amela, I meant what I said in my vows … if you are breaking then I’m breaking with you,

our life is too beautiful not to have problems… this isn’t even a problem I know who I am in you..”

He said sweetly.

“Besides my sweet love, it’s not you versus Remy Versus me… it's me and you versus your crush… I told you that I want all sides of you,

besides Amela of you wanted to cheat on me…

you could have done it,

you and Remy had ample time but instead you are loving me through your confusion… I am sorry I should have not allowed Remy to even come here after you told me you have a crush on him, I think that I took for granted that you could handle it.”

He wiped my tears.

“We’re both human, thank you for not keeping this a secret my love.”

He kissed my forehead… and suddenly I felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I let myself melt into his chest, arms curling around him like a lifeline.

For the first time in weeks, I allowed myself to fully hold him — not just with my body, but with my whole, messy, imperfect heart.

My tears slowed. My breath evened out.

And the guilt… didn’t vanish, but it softened. Like fog retreating from a mountain that never moved.

“Nathan,” I whispered against his shirt, “you are… more than I deserve.”

He tilted my chin up gently, eyes steady.

“Stop saying that.”

“But—”

“No. You’re mine. That means I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like you’re disposable.

”

He ran his thumb over my cheek. “You don’t have to earn me. Just stay honest with me.”

I nodded. My chest ached from how tightly I was holding back more tears.

“I want us to be okay,” I whispered.

“We are,” he said.

“Get some rest.”

He said sweetly, and for the first time days I slept well.