Chapter 14: Not a word

Nikola came out of the study with a tired look on his face. Dimitri was still gone. Nikola just wanted to rest.

Until he heard it. A baby's wail.

Now, his trust on Wikipedia was not what it used to be, but he knew one thing: either there was some scumbag who had left their baby to the elements, or the Wendigo had ignored Dimitri, only to find him.

"Man," the cries were growing higher in pitch. They were nearing him too quickly.

Now, unless the baby in question was the national crawl champion, that left only the Wendigo.

Nikola went to the tree. The one which had saved him once before, and he took a hold of a branch as thick as his arm.

"You see, old pal," Nikola began, as he bent the branch so he could break it off. "Druids have to have their staffs."

The tree, however, as sentient as it had become by Nikola's blood, seemed to disagree.

The crying grew closer and closer.

"Ok, I get it, you want to eat me!" Nikola yelled. Everyone wanted to eat him these days.

Only Dimitri was doing it the fun way.

"And you! Just a branch! If I die, Dimitri will chop you down for sure!"

The tree refused to part with its branch. It managed to take hold of Nikola's T-shirt and to yank him in its crown.

The Wendigo was ugly as hell. That was the only thing Nikola could think of, as the creature began to climb the tree.

Only to be swatted down by a branch.

"Just a quick question," Nikola said, now knowing that he had managed to mutate a tree.

Which, considering all of his houseplants had died over the years, was not a good thing for the tree. "If the Wendigo manages to break a branch, may I have it?"

The tree catapulted him over the shed and straight into the compost pile.

Something Dimitri kept for his other hobby, his vegetable garden.

Nikola blinked. Sniffed the air. Decided he smelled like shit and then decided to blame those really responsible.

The Wendigo… and himself.

For the first time in the forest's existence, colorful Bulgarian curses echoed amidst the trees. Many trees were told to protect their mothers from a certain predator.

Said predator was still yelling when the Wendigo found him.

Nikola saw red. His stomach growled.

The Wendigo was soon pierced by every root in Dimitri's garden.

That didn't change the fact that Nikola smelled of shit and worms.

The worst part? He couldn't even go into the cabin.

The druid undressed and got in the lake. If nothing else, then he could at least feed some fish tonight…

****

The stench wasn't leaving him even after the fifth shower. He had clipped his nails, cleaned underneath them with a butter knife.

Had tried to even stay outside where the Wendigo was. Or, better said, the Wendigo's carcass.

But as much as he wanted to get rid of the stench, that was simply not in the cards for him.

Dimitri came back a couple of hours later. His nose wrinkling when he found Nikola.

"Did you roll in the compost pile?" The man asked.

Nikola looked at the sky.

"I was conducting a ritual," he didn't want for the tree to be chopped down.

The Wendigo had managed to break off a branch. Nikola just needed to wait until the tree calmed down to get it.

Soon, he will be a kick-ass druid with a staff!

Let the wizards have wands!

"And what was this ritual? Were you ritualistically trying to repel me?"

Nikola decided that now was the test of his love. He stood, took a running leap, and then anchored himself in Dimitri's arms.

"I have an uncle," Nikola said, as he nuzzled his nose in Dimitri's nape.

Knowing that the stench was overwhelming.

"He brought me books. But I think he is a fire demon."

Dimitri fainted.

Nikola smiled and then picked him up.

He was never, ever, going to let him live it down.

****

Dimitri slept through the first five showers Nikola went through. Then he fainted again.

Now, Nikola wasn't an expert when it came to getting rid of stench, but he was about as certain that he shouldn't smell this bad.

He went to the study and began to leaf through the books. Finally, he found something promising.

"Earth Mother's Breath can be washed away through Hard Work!"

It wasn't even capitalized properly, of that much, he was certain. But he was ready to do just about anything to get rid of the stench.

He went to where he had left the Wendigo, cut out its entrails, and then began to edge towards his tree.

"I bring gifts! For your roots!" Nikola placed the intestines around the tree's base.

A root poked out and took them.

Nikola was swatted with the branch he had wanted to steal.

It was back to the study afterward.

He began to lift the books on staff lore. Noted that a druid's staff was an extension of themselves and then decided that it was either do or stink.

The man began to edge old runes. He remembered seeing these runes in a history book.

In a calendar which was rumored to be the most accurate in the world.

When he was done, the branch glowed. He threw it in the fire.

"Feed the fire, don't burn the food!" He must be going insane, he knew. And yet, now that he had everything he needed, he just needed to purify his staff with fire.

Because god forbid he used water and soap like normal people. The books were about as logical as the druids who wrote them.

When the fire was absorbed into the branch, Nikola took a pair of mittens and tested the staff.

He saw a message before him.

"Commit cleansing ritual to get rid of the stink? Yes/No?"

First, it was the magic. Now it was the system screens.

If Nikola was told that he was just a player through whom Tangra communicated, he would not be surprised.

"Sure! Bring it!"

"That would be 100 mana. You have only 20."

Nikola nodded to himself. Ok, nothing came for free.

"And what do I need to do to get more mana?"

He got his answer seconds later:

"You have to grind. Go weed the garden."

A silent and resigned curse about the system's mother followed.

Nikola went to the garden with a bowed head.

But when he was done, the stench was gone, and he had about enough squash to make a meal out of.

People could tell him what they wanted about druids. But he refused to believe that he could not eat vegetables anymore.

Oh…these druids.

Always willing to put their health on the line.