Chapter 18: A Man’s… Fruit Salad

There were garden plots as far as the eye could see. And an eldritch horror spanning just as far.

Nikola had no idea why he wasn't eaten, but was pretty sure that if he survived this, then he would have died his second death.

The one with the claws.

"If you wish to tilt the soil," the monster began, its voice an ancient rumble. "Then you need to sacrifice."

"Well, that is too bad," Nikola said, as he picked an apple from the ground. He looked around. There was a pear tree not far from there. "I haven't brought anything. But I can make you something!"

Nikola walked towards the pear tree. He took the most beautiful pear he had ever seen from there. Soon, he was washing the fruits at a stream.

"Just say the word. I know that I can make you happy!" Nikola said, as he began to cut up the fruit.

"Well. I guess that if you made something tasty… but you are the only thing which I would eat," the monster let its tentacles grow closer and closer to Nikola.

The Monster Chef simply swatted them away with the hand he was holding the knife with.

"How about this: you taste the fruit salad, and if you don't like it, then it is just fine. You can eat me," the time when Nikola would jump at shadows was long gone.

After all, a ghoul had saved him, a vampire had pledged his love to him, and both of them had eaten their fruit salads so, as if they were rich dark chocolate.

He placed the cut up fruit on a stump and then moved away.

The monster took an apple slice, then a pear slice.

He watched with more than a little satisfaction that it was taking the cut up fruit faster and faster.

"More!" The eldritch horror demanded.

"Ok, time to think about our future together, lord Land Octopus," Nikola refused to call the being Cthulhu. After all, to call it that would be like admitting that he was slowly losing his mind.

That was not something he wanted to face up against.

"More apples!" The monster demanded. Nikola went back to the apple tree and took some apples from there. Going back to the stream, he also picked some of the fallen pears.

"Now, are you open to suggestions?" Nikola asked. The octopus began to shake his tentacles.

But Nikola wasn't scared anymore. This was just some monster who was squatting in his fields.

A monster with a lot of tentacles which could be put to work. Quite easily, at that.

"Keep cutting up the fruit!"

It was a universal fact in life, Nikola had to admit that as soon as a fruit was cut up, that fruit became as desirable as chocolate pudding when cut up.

He placed more of the cut up fruit on the stump. Then he sat down by the offering and looked at the sky.

It was going to be morning soon. He honestly should try to get back.

"If you would like more food, then I wish for you to tend to my gardens."

He looked at the mountains in the distance. He was certain that they had many precious metal in them. "By the way, if I draw you in a different location, will you still come back?"

Nikola had to know how his slave, pardon, employee, was going to be used.

"I will always be here!" The monster said. Nikola smiled, cut up more of the fruit, and then took out a sheet of paper with the incantation for a food forest.

He didn't care that it was going to be a nightmare to collect. He only cared about the fact that he was getting free labor.

He touched the soil with his staff, let his mana channel through it, touched the tentacle of the monster to bind it to him, and then let the beast's mana do the rest.

The gardens spanned in all directions. Beans grew together with squash and corn. There were tomatoes making a wall between the garden plots.

The trees were heavy with fruit. Even fruit which was out of season.

"Ok, listen here," Nikola said, as he looked at the bounty. "I need you to put as much of this food as you can in crates! I will be whipping up a storm!"

He then turned around, as the first tomato was picked, and went out of the door.

Dimitri and Jack were there, standing and waiting.

"Dimitri, I died my second death!" Because Nikola didn't need to breathe anymore.

 He guessed that he wasn't going to age, either.

"That is…" Dimitri blinked, took hold of Nikola's hand, and then tugged him away from the new pocket dimension.

"Do you know, by any chance, what you have brought into the world?"

Nikola chuckled. Dimitri still had a piece of his sanity, it seemed.

"Yes, a gardener!" Just as he said that the first crate with food appeared. "Now, if you don't mind, I think that the two of us should go to sleep. Tomorrow is waiting!"

And on the next day, Nikola was going to do the best cook out he had ever done.

But for that, he needed a Selkie. No barbecue was complete without meat.

Leaves were swept, lit on fire, and then sprinkled on the lake's water.

The horse which came out looked suspicious. It didn't give chase.

Nikola didn't like this. If this Selkie was allowed to mate, then the future Selkie were not going to come out of the water.

Jack rushed past him and dug a spear in the horse's eye, just as it was beginning to go back into the water.

Long story short, Nikola cut up the horse, marinated it, and then left it to soak up the spices.

Before long, he was in Dimitri's arms, chanting the vampire's name, and getting much needed exercise.

Dimitri, for his part, simply decided that Nikola was using his self-preservation instinct to get rid of the feeling of existential dread.

The crates kept piling in the shed.

Jack went back to his tent.

Everything was all well and good. But the one thing Nikola hadn't accounted for, was, that the food would be a beacon for customers who… could only pay in mana.

And that, as any small business owner would tell you, was like getting a thank-you on a napkin from a customer who had been to the toilet for the past three hours.

Nikola made a mental note not to install windows in the restroom in the new restaurant, as he slowly drifted off to sleep.