Pudding, Politics, and Public Humiliation

(Location: Noble Academy Cafeteria of Culinary Catastrophes)

Let me begin with a warning: If your breakfast fights back, it's probably cursed.

The sun was high, the smell of roasted mana-toast filled the cafeteria, and for a brief, shining moment, I thought I might actually eat in peace. My mistake was hope. My greater mistake? Pudding.

Inner Me: Why do I keep trusting dairy products in this school?

I had just sat down with a plate of mostly edible breakfast when a golden spoon of doom slammed beside me. Standing over it was Lady Mildreth du Curdenton—the reigning noble queen of culinary duels and petty vendettas.

"Kael Reinhardt," she said, voice frosty, fingers manicured to weaponized elegance. "You disrespected my pudding lineage."

Me: "I... what now?"

"You refused my family's triple-layered mana pudding at the banquet last week."

Inner Me: That pudding *moved*. It blinked. I stand by my decision.

### The Challenge: Pudding Duel, Politely Declined (Denied)

"I challenge you," Mildreth said, pulling out an official duel scroll... shaped like a spoon.

Me: "Can I pretend I'm allergic to nonsense?"

"Denied. The duel is already registered."

Narrator (also me): Noble Academy has many traditions. One of them is never saying no to absurdity.

Seraphina appeared like a disappointed storm cloud. "Are you seriously accepting a dessert-based duel?"

Belladonna leaned in, whispering, "I vote you lose on purpose. That pudding might evolve."

I sighed, stood, and accepted my fate with the grace of a man preparing to wrestle a sentient souffle.

### Arena Setup: Sweet Tooth Theater of Doom

The cafeteria staff converted the dining hall into a battlefield.

* Pudding catapults were wheeled in.

* Cream barriers were erected.

* Judges included a chef, a bard, and a local pigeon.

Inner Me: Why is that pigeon wearing a monocle?

I stood across from Mildreth, equipped with my "weapon": a spoon forged from enchanted silver.

Belladonna waved. "Break a tooth! I mean... good luck!"

Mildreth raised her bowl. "Let the sacred pudding trial begin."

### Round One: Presentation

Mildreth summoned a dessert that shimmered. It sang. It wept golden tears. The crowd gasped.

I looked at mine—a slightly trembling blob that Belladonna had helped stabilize with alchemical glue.

Inner Me: This is fine. This is definitely how champions are made.

I held it up dramatically.

Me: "Behold, the humble survival pudding. Forged in the fires of desperation. Seasoned with anxiety."

The judges nodded. The pigeon cooed solemnly.

### Round Two: Flavor Combat

We took turns serving our puddings.

Mildreth's made the judge-bard cry. He wrote a poem about it.

Mine caused mild hallucinations and cured the chef's headache.

SYSTEM ALERT: PUDDING RECOGNIZED AS MINOR HEALING ITEM

Inner Me: That's either a win or a lawsuit waiting to happen.

### Round Three: Duel by Dessert

Final round. We were to duel physically... using pudding.

Mildreth flung a spoonful with expert form. It slapped me in the face.

Me: "Ah yes. The taste of shame."

I retaliated. My pudding blob soared through the air... and landed on her elaborate hairstyle.

Audience: Collective gasp + laughter

Seraphina (deadpan): "That was... effective."

Belladonna (gleeful): "I added mild adhesive!"

### Victory? Maybe. Dignity? Absolutely Not.

The judges conferred. The pigeon delivered the result by tapping on my foot.

TRANSLATION: WINNER - KAEL REINHARDT

Mildreth shrieked and stormed off. Her hair squelched.

System Message: \[NEW TITLE UNLOCKED: The Spoon Duelist]

Inner Me: Great. I'm one duel away from becoming a breakfast-themed hero.

### Aftermath: Just Another Day at Noble Academy

As I sat back down, covered in pudding, a first-year passed by whispering, "That's the guy who beat Elric and the pudding duchess."

Belladonna gave me a towel that smelled faintly of potions.

Seraphina handed me tea.

Me: "Thank you. I'm going to need this... and therapy."

Narrator: And so, Kael survived another day. Barely. Gloriously. And with pudding in his shoes.

---

### Next Time on: "Yes, I Was Reborn..."

Kael attempts to study for a magical exam.

Belladonna invents a study potion. It backfires. Kael learns ancient magic and ancient trauma.

Also, there's a book that bites.

Kael's Message to Readers: Laughed? Gagged? Googled how pudding duels work? COMMENT. Or I'll be challenged by someone wielding a breakfast quiche next.

Inner Me: Still better than Elric.

----

### Kael special

 "Lose Your Marbles (Reborn Remix)"

By Kael "Why Me?" Reinhardt

Look... if you had… one shot… or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted—in one moment…

Would you capture it…

Or just let it slip?

 His fate is shaky, knees weak, robes are heavy

There's noble drama on his tunic already—mom's spaghetti

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready

To duel nobles, but he keeps on forgetting

He's five.

He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out

He's choking now, folks be joking loud

Grandma made deals—yeah, FOUR girls vowed

The whole noble crowd just opens their mouths and shouts:

"Marry this one! She's a saint!"