We Regret to Inform You, the Fiancées Have Found the Closet

Look, I didn't ask to be locked in a velvet-upholstered interrogation room with four dangerously magical women, each of whom claims some romantic—or worse, prophetic—entitlement to my soul.

And yes, before you ask, there were snacks involved. That's how they lured me in. Again.

The worst part? The closet was very pink. Velvet walls. Heart-shaped chandelier. A full tea service. There was an actual harp playing itself in the corner.

No, seriously. It plucked a single dramatic string every time someone made eye contact with me. Every. Time.

"Kael," Seraphina began, voice tight like her corset (which I wasn't looking at, mind you, but it did seem like it could cause structural damage to small furniture), "are you, or are you not, emotionally manipulating every woman in this room?"

"I... what now?" I said eloquently, taking a nervous sip of cucumber-lavender tea that tasted like noble regret and passive aggression.

"Answer the question, you fraudulently attractive mushroom of a man," Belladonna snapped, kicking her legs up onto a poofy ottoman that immediately turned into a venomous toad and hopped away.

Aureline sighed. "Why are there always toads when nobles argue about romance?"

Mirielle, demurely seated like a holy catastrophe in silk, offered a soft smile. "Should we bless the room before anyone bleeds emotionally?"

"Too late," I muttered. "My dignity's already hemorrhaging."

Let me back up.

Ten Minutes Earlier

I was summoned—and yes, that's the word they used—by the academy's Noble Harmony Counselor. Apparently, after three exorcisms, two duels, and accidentally starting a cult (thanks Mirielle), the staff decided that my "unique interpersonal entanglements" required a "relationship alignment protocol."

A.K.A: Trap the unwilling chaos prince in a room with four terrifying magic women and let nature sort it out.

Also, a note on the door read: "Do not open unless emotionally prepared to confront romantic consequences."

"Sounds fake," I said, stepping in.

Famous last words.

Present Closet Situation: Critical

I considered, briefly, pretending to faint. But my drama-cred was already wearing thin this week, and Fluffernox wasn't here to fall on for dramatic effect. (It's technically not emotional manipulation if your magical companion does the crying for you.)

"I didn't mean to emotionally engage anyone," I said, hands up. "I've been doing my best to discourage affection. With sarcasm. And sarcasm. Sometimes two layers of sarcasm."

"You gave me a flower that whispered poetry!" Mirielle accused gently.

"It was cursed!" I protested. "It also whispered tax advice, I thought that was a clue!"

Belladonna crossed her arms, one eyebrow arching like it paid rent. "You rescued me from self-destruction, gave me the courage to reclaim my throne, and then baked me cookies."

"They were burnt!"

"They were shaped like frogs."

"…Unintentionally."

Seraphina cracked her knuckles. "I trained every day to fight beside you, only to be grouped with these—"

"Hello," Aureline waved, already sketching a quick prophecy glyph in the air. "Don't mind me. Just predicting how many of us are going to cry today."

Spoiler: At least one. It was me. Internally. Loudly.

"Let's take turns," Mirielle suggested, clapping her hands. "Each of us states our expectations of Kael, and Kael explains his emotional intentions. Rationally. With eye contact."

"I vote we use swords instead," Seraphina muttered.

"I second that," Belladonna said. "But emotionally. Emotional swords."

I sighed, choosing the least threatening-looking cushion and sinking into it like a man accepting his execution with passive-aggressive grace.

"Fine," I said. "You want emotional honesty? Let's do this."

Kael's Emotional Honesty Monologue (Unscheduled)

"Look. I'm not a hero. I'm not a saint. I'm not even stable half the time. I fell into a magic system that thinks I'm a god-glitched soul-piñata and now I'm being hunted by fate, fiancées, and a harp that plays guilt chords."

(Harp: Twingggg.)

"I didn't mean to make anyone fall for me. In fact, I have gone painfully out of my way to seem like an unhinged sarcasm goblin."

"You succeeded," Belladonna whispered. "Tragically."

"But you're all… incredible," I admitted, voice lowering. "Terrifying. Powerful. Brilliant. And yes, sometimes... you make me feel things I wasn't prepared to feel again. Not after—" I stopped myself.

Too much. Not now.

Mirielle was looking at me like I'd just parted a metaphorical sea. Aureline's quill paused mid-prediction. Belladonna looked away. Seraphina... softened, just for a second.

"That doesn't mean I know what to do with those feelings," I finished, "or that I'm ready to choose anyone. Because I still don't even know who I am."

(Inner me: Wow. Emotional vulnerability? Who let this guy speak?)

Belladonna huffed. "Well, now I feel guilty for wanting to throw a cursed frog at you."

"Can I still duel him?" Seraphina asked. "Affectionately?"

"I... don't know how to process any of this," Mirielle admitted, cheeks pink. "But I'm willing to wait."

"For Kael to emotionally stabilize or for the prophecy to implode?" Aureline asked.

"Yes," Mirielle said.

Interruption From the Fifth Circle of Bureaucratic Hell

Right then, the System pinged in my vision. Blue light, aggressive text.

[SYSTEM TRIBUNAL SCHEDULED: USER KAEL REINHARDT]

Time: Imminent

Location: Unknown

Crime: Identity anomaly, prophecy deviation, emotional entropy

Please dress appropriately.

"Oh, perfect," I said aloud. "The glorified spreadsheet in the sky wants to put me on trial for being too emotionally available."

"Kael," Aureline said slowly, "that means the System noticed your Echo status is shifting."

"I haven't even shifted anything!"

"You just made four magical women simultaneously emotionally conflicted," Belladonna said. "That's basically a divine event."

I groaned, rubbing my face. "Do I at least get a lawyer?"

"You have Fluffernox," Mirielle offered helpfully.

"Who thinks rocks are edible and once married a teapot."

"Better than most noble defense attorneys," Aureline said.

Exit, Pursued by Fate

The harp plucked a final ominous chord as I stood.

"Well, ladies," I said. "Thanks for the romantic chaos closet therapy. I'll just be off to be interrogated by a broken reality system now. You know. Normal Tuesday."

"Don't die," Seraphina said.

"Don't get emotionally guilted into marrying a System avatar," Belladonna added.

"I make no promises," I said.

And with that, the pink closet door opened on its own.

A hallway of blue light awaited.

Here we go.

Into the Court of Glitches.

Into whatever they think I've become.

Into myself.

Next Time on Kaelverse: System Tribunal Begins. Kael vs. the Prophetic Courtroom. Featuring: bureaucratic goddess avatars, sarcasm as legal defense, and accidental flirtation with a code construct.

Readers, place your bets.

I'd recommend bringing snacks.

Preferably ones not cursed.

Unless cursed snacks are your thing. In which case—what's wrong with you?