Me, Myself, and Spoon: The Rise of Kael 2.0
The other me stepped out of the prophecy rift like he owned the whole damn realm.
Same hair. Same eyes. Same face.
But he had a dark crown made of obsidian and sarcasm. He wore a longcoat of magical threads that sparkled with forbidden enchantments and unearned swagger.
Most concerningly?
He winked at me.
"You must be the local flavor," he said, spoon spinning lazily in one hand. "Adorable. Look at your little vest."
Inner Me: I hate him. I hate me. I hate spoon-based reality ruptures.
"Who the hell are you?" I asked, eyes narrowed, spoon raised defensively.
"I'm you," he said with a dramatic bow. "But better. Stronger. Slightly more moisturized. You may call me... Kael Noir."
Belladonna, from the sidelines:
"Oh, no. He's got a villain suffix. We're doomed."
Enter Kael Noir: The Echo of What If
So apparently, thanks to the Glitched Reflection Core, there was now a mirror Kael from an alternate timeline.
A Kael who embraced chaos. Who took the Echo mantle and said, "Yes, I will make a throne out of enchanted spoons and emotionally unavailable love interests."
"I've come," he said smoothly, "to claim this world's breakfast rights. Starting with him."
He pointed.
At me.
"Why do I feel objectified?" I asked no one in particular.
"You're being spoon-stalked by a mirrorverse version of yourself," Aureline muttered. "It's technically a form of self-obsession. Magical narcissism. Very rare. Very illegal."
Seraphina stepped forward, brandishing her ladle like a holy relic. "Kael Noir! You threaten the sacred balance of breakfast hierarchy! Stand down or face divine brunch justice!"
He grinned at her. "You must be Saintgirl. I've read so much about you in my timeline. Most of it, fanfiction."
Seraphina turned pink. Then red. Then combusted into holy flames.
A Spoon Off for the Ages
"Only one Kael can rule this morning," Belladonna said calmly. "And unfortunately, we can't have you both until Volume 17."
"Excuse me?" I said.
"Don't worry about it," she replied. "So. Duel?"
The arena shifted again—stone platforms rising, forks whirling in the air like blades, enchanted teacups exploding overhead in slow motion.
A voice announced:
"Echo vs. Echo. Kael vs. Noir. A Sibling Rivalry With Only One Spoon Left Standing."
The crowd screamed. Someone sold t-shirts. Mirielle took notes in what looked like a Kael Fanclub Deathmatch Ledger™.
My spoon whispered to me:
"Smite him. Or seduce him. Either way, commit."
"I'm going to therapy after this," I muttered.
The Duel: Echo vs. Noir
It wasn't just physical.
It was emotional warfare.
Every move he made mirrored mine—but cooler. When I spun my spoon, he flipped his like a circus baton. When I cast a defensive spell, he layered it with dramatic sparkles and jazz hands.
"You're not better than me!" I shouted mid-parry.
"No," he said with a smile. "Just more... narratively flexible."
We clashed spoons again. Sparks flew. Forks sang. At one point, he whispered my deepest fear mid-combo.
And I whispered back, "You use too much conditioner."
That made him stumble.
"You take that back."
I did not.
He snarled. "I'll show you a real Echo."
Then—BOOM—he summoned a dozen glitch clones of himself, each wielding a breakfast utensil of destruction. One had a waffle-shield. Another had twin forks. One floated.
"What kind of existential fanfiction is this?!"
Inner Me: You're fighting a multiverse of hot versions of yourself. If you win, therapy. If you lose, therapy. Either way: therapy.
Interruption via Divine Bystander
Then suddenly—Fluffernox intervened.
The tiny furball god hopped onto the field and screamed, "TOO MUCH TESTOSTERONE. RESETTING BREAKFAST BALANCE!"
Everyone paused.
Kael Noir's clones disappeared in a puff of glitter.
Fluffernox snapped his fingers. "Mandatory cuddle cooldown. You—main Kael. Hug your alt self. Or I'm unleashing the Pancake Behemoth."
I stared at him. Then at Noir.
He shrugged. "Look, I'm hot. You're hot. Let's just get this over with."
We hugged.
It was emotionally confusing.
"Now," Fluffernox said, wiping his tiny hands, "let us never speak of this again."
"Agreed," Noir and I said at the same time.
Then Noir exploded into confetti.
Post-Duel Fallout
I collapsed face-first into a beanbag someone had conjured mid-duel.
Seraphina knelt beside me. "You fought well. Your spoon work was... passable."
Belladonna crouched down next. "You did better than expected. And by expected, I mean I expected your soul to leave your body."
Aureline added, "We've archived the footage for magical history. Also memes."
Mirielle placed a gentle hand on my forehead. "How many Kaels do you see now?"
"Only me," I whispered.
"Good. Let's keep it that way."
Later That Day: The Dorm War Chaos Begins
Turns out the duel only delayed the inevitable.
Every dorm still wanted me.
Now they were trying to bribe me.
With gifts.
With enchanted robes.
With baked goods.
With extremely personalized songs.
One girl performed a dramatic ballad titled "Kael, I'd Spoon You Through All Seven Realms."
The spoons on my shelf started vibrating from emotional tension.
I stared at the camera like I was on The Office.
---
Next Time on Kaelverse:
Chapter 46 – Dorm Me Once, Shame on You: Let the Wars Begin
Official Dorm Recruitment Shenanigans™
Kael gets blackmailed, bribed, and serenaded
Seraphina attempts to enforce "Echo Chastity Laws"
Belladonna may or may not build a Spoon Throne
And Rin returns… with a Spoon Death Laser
Because why not.
Also, Kael probably cries again. Or drinks tea until he transcends reality. Same thing.
Prepare your hearts. And your cutlery.