Chapter 5 Still Breathing
( Day 4 MIDNIGHT)
*** [ Flash back 3 days ago] **
The heart monitor beeped steadily. Fluorescent lights hummed above. A doctor stood at the foot of the hospital bed, holding a clipboard. His expression unreadable.
> Doctor:
"Mr. Hawkins… please don't be alarmed by the test results."
> Me:
"O-okay…"
> Doctor (carefully):
"The headaches you've been experiencing…"
(he paused)
"...are due to a brain tumor."
Silence.
Just the steady BEEP.
> Doctor:
"It's serious. I'm sorry. There's a chance… you could go anytime."
(softly)
"If you can—choose to be happy while you still can."
> Me (thinking):
"It felt like the world just stopped."
***
[ LATE MIDNIGHT]
> Me (groggy):
"What time is it…?"
I sat up slowly.
Sunlight peeked through the curtain, but it felt too early. Or maybe too late.
> Me (thinking):
"I do everything just to be happy…
But sometimes it feels like I'm lying to myself."
I touched my chest.
Like I needed a reminder I was still alive.
> Me:(softly)
"Before I die… I need to finish my degree. I need to join that department."
The room went quiet.
> Me (softly):
"Mom… I'm sorry. I didn't protect you from those scammers…"
> Me (bitterly):
"Even I got scammed… like an idiot. By a fake sugar mommy."
A hollow laugh escaped.
> Me:
"What kind of man am I?"
I hugged the pillow tighter.
The silence hung heavy.
But my resolve?
Still breathing.
***
Diary Entry #0005
Date: July 06, 2023
The nightmare came again last night.
It wasn't fear that woke me up—
…I just missed my mom.
But today, I'll still focus on my study.
— Ryan H.
[ New Day same Delulu | Morning]
I woke up like a budget anime protagonist.
Fake glow-up.
Theme music playing only in my head.
> Me (stretching):
"Today… is the day I act like I have my life together."
***
After Bathing…
I stood in front of the mirror like a caveman pretending he just discovered styling gel.
Fresh, fake confidence.
No budget. All vibes.
> Me:(confidently)
"Uniform check."
Polo? Slightly wrinkled but still wearable.
Pants? One thread away from becoming edgy.
ID? Bent like my will to live.
Glasses? Crooked, but giving tortured genius.
Cologne?
> Me (sniffing):
"Smells like poverty with a hint of 'I tried.'"
Hair? Styled with leftover conditioner and reckless hope.
> Me (grinning at my reflection):
"Yeah. I look like someone who fakes it 'til he makes it."
> Me (pointing):
"Let's go, back to work… with style."
***
**✶✶✶[ Outside my House ]✶✶*
I stood by the road like I was waiting for destiny to drive by.
> Me:
"Please, not a tricycle again…"
And then—
A sleek black car passed.
Inside?
Rachel.
Hair flowing like it had a wind sponsor. ID badge sparkling like it was blessed with CGI.
> Me (delulu mode):
"Oh, Rachel…"
"Honey! I'm going into labor! Don't worry—I'll carry you!"
In my head, we were married.
She was miraculously pregnant.
And I was panicking like a romantic idiot.
> Me (internally screaming):
"I'LL CARRY YOU THROUGH TRAFFIC, LOVE!!"
And then—
I reached out…
…and accidentally lifted the man standing beside me.
> Random Guy (panicking):
"BRO?! WHY ARE YOU LIFTING ME?!"
> Me (snapping back):
"I… thought you were someone else."
Too late.
Rachel saw everything.
Our eyes met.
She didn't say a word.
She raised a finger… and slowly circled it near her temple.
The universal sign for:
> "This guy's not just crazy… he's certified."
> Me (internally):
"This is how it ends.
Not with a kiss…
But with a lawsuit."
-Day 5 Continue
---
To Be Continued in Chapter 6 ,Godbless