Chapter 9: Is her face that big?

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Wuling Laozu's voice dripped with theatrical wonder inside the bracelet. "Phantasms bloom from the deepest seeds of desire! Who would have guessed, Little Ancestor? Beneath that icy exterior, you dream of imperial purple and a court full of bootlickers? Hah! I pegged you for a tyrant, not a sycophant-loving wastrel emperor!"

Gu Qingxi: "???"

Her dream? Sitting on a throne listening to empty praise? Had the ancient fossil's spectral brain finally succumbed to entropy?

"Your Celestial Majesty," the Chief Eunuch's reedy voice intruded, bowing so low his forehead nearly scraped the jade floor tiles. "Does Your Majesty deign to walk amongst the common folk incognito today, as is your wont?"

"Incognito?" Gu Qingxi seized on the word 'wont'. "I… often venture beyond the palace?"

"Indeed, Most August Sovereign!" The eunuch's face lit up with fervent admiration. "To witness firsthand the glorious peace and prosperity Your Majesty's benevolent rule has bestowed! To hear the songs of praise rising from every humble hearth! The very streets echo with—"

"No." Gu Qingxi cut him off sharply. She studied the raw, almost fanatical devotion in the eunuch's eyes. A chill crept down her spine. Was this phantom version of her… truly some paragon ruler? What twisted logic governed this Phantasm Realm?

Unbeknownst to her, her "Imperial Experience" was a luxury suite in the hellscape of the First Trial.

Elsewhere in the shifting illusions, aspirants faced true trials:

One reveled in a perfumed boudoir, only for silken sheets to rot and lovers to crumble into shrieking skeletons within a decaying ruin—failure screamed into the void.

Another soared on wings of power, commanding absolute fealty until hubris blinded them, ending with a phantom blade through the heart—failure tasted like copper and ash.

A third fought tooth and nail as a lowly sect disciple, defending a mortal village against a ravaging spirit beast, emerging battered but victorious—passage earned through genuine pain and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, Gu Qingxi strolled…

Silken parasols shielded her from the illusory sun. Handmaidens bore ewers of chilled nectar and trays laden with celestial fruits. The Chief Eunuch hovered, a symphony of obsequious concern: "Does the Solar Radiance feel the heat's slight discomfort?" "Might the Dragon Throne require sustenance?" "Could the Wellspring of Ten Thousand Blessings desire a sip of ambrosia?"

Gu Qingxi felt a vein throb at her temple. Was this an endurance test… or a spa retreat? Or was the illusion lulling her, gathering strength for a devastating final blow? She leaned towards the latter, senses honed to a razor's edge.

Tension coiled within her as she navigated the opulent, echoing emptiness of the palace complex, searching for cracks in the facade, clues to its unraveling. Her path led her to the Imperial Gardens.

And there, amidst peonies sculpted from gemstones and birds of paradise wrought in spun gold, sat a figure both jarringly out of place and bizarrely fitting—Xu Baozhu.

Reclining on a divan draped in what looked like moon-mink fur, Baozhu was the epicenter of a snack-fueled paradise. A low table groaned under mountains of delicate pastries, glistening candied fruits, jewel-toned wines, and roasted nuts. One maid kneaded her plump calves; another worked the tension from her shoulders. A third peeled luminous, purple grapes with meticulous care, while a fourth popped bite-sized honey cakes into her waiting mouth. She radiated the bliss of a well-fed cat in a sunbeam.

"Your Majesty," the Chief Eunuch murmured, materializing at Gu Qingxi's elbow like a particularly attentive shadow. "The Consort Xu graces the gardens. Does the Son of Heaven wish to approach?"

Gu Qingxi: "..."

Her conviction solidified. The architect of Tian Qing's trials had clearly had their sanity nibbled away by extra-dimensional vermin.

A female emperor… with a female consort? Romance? Was the designer's imagination… unnervingly progressive?

Xu Baozhu looked up at the commotion. Her eyes widened comically upon recognizing Gu Qingxi's face, currently etched with profound existential bewilderment.

"Aooo!" Baozhu scrambled off the divan, snacks momentarily forgotten, and barreled towards Gu Qingxi. "Qingxi!"

"Audacious worm! To approach the Celestial Presence without prostration!" the Chief Eunuch shrieked, his voice cracking with outrage.

"Be silent." Gu Qingxi's command was glacial.

The eunuch snapped his mouth shut, bowing instantly and retreating several paces—displeasing the Emperor was unthinkable!

"Qingxi! How… how did you become the Emperor?" Baozhu hissed, grabbing Gu Qingxi's sleeve, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"I was about to ask you," Gu Qingxi whispered back, "how did you get promoted to Consort?"

"I don't know!" Baozhu's whisper was laced with genuine confusion. "I blinked, and suddenly I was here, surrounded by people shoving food at me! And then you show up as the Emperor?" She blinked owlishly, a sudden, scandalous thought dawning. "Qingxi… are you… secretly a man? Disguised?"

Gu Qingxi: "..."

She resisted the powerful urge to pinch Baozhu's abundantly pinchable cheek. What did this girl fill her head with besides snacks?

"No," she stated flatly.

"Then why are you the Emperor?" Baozhu's confusion deepened.

"Unknown," Gu Qingxi admitted. "Let's find the exit first."

"Does the August Presence seek the Gateway?" The Chief Eunuch's voice, smooth as oiled silk, cut through their hushed conversation. He bowed again, a beatific smile spreading across his parchment-like face. "It resides within Your Majesty's own bedchamber."

Gu Qingxi: "???"

Xu Baozhu: "???"

Silence stretched, thick with disbelief.

An NPC… leaking critical path information? Was the trial system glitching? This wasn't just giving them the answer key; it was flooding the exam hall!

"If the Dragon Throne would deign to follow this unworthy servant…" The eunuch turned and glided towards the inner palace, posture radiating smug helpfulness.

Exchanging a look that screamed 'This is utterly deranged,' Gu Qingxi and Xu Baozhu trailed after him, arriving shortly before the imposing doors of the Imperial Bedchamber.

There, another familiar face materialized.

The sword-bearing girl who'd sneered at their 'base appetites' stood rigid in palace guard armor, her jaw slack as she stared at Gu Qingxi's imperial robes and Xu Baozhu's consort finery.

Every other guard dropped instantly to one knee, fists pressed to chests in salute: "HAIL THE CELESTIAL EMPEROR!"

Only she remained frozen, a statue of stunned incredulity.

"Treasonous cur! To stand unmoved before Heaven's Mandate! Seize her!" The Chief Eunuch's screech could shatter glass.

Guards surged forward. Stripped of spiritual power, the girl was as helpless as a mortal. They pinned her arms effortlessly.

"Unhand me! What madness is this?!" she roared, struggling futilely.

"Your Majesty," the eunuch simpered, turning to Gu Qingxi, "this insolent worm, emboldened by Your past praise of her 'peerless martial prowess within the Forbidden City,' dares defy the Dragon Countenance! Punishment is warranted!"

Gu Qingxi felt a wave of surreal exhaustion wash over her. The eunuch wielded more executive power than the 'Emperor'! Sentence passed before she could blink.

'Peerless martial prowess'? So the arrogant girl's core desire was simply… to be the best? The undisputed number one? Manifesting as the top guard? Predictable.

The eunuch ushered Gu Qingxi and Xu Baozhu past the commotion, into the opulent, incense-filled bedchamber. He glided to a seemingly ordinary door on the right wall, gesturing with a flourish. "Your Majesty, the Gateway awaits. Congratulations on your triumphant passage through the First Trial." His oily smile widened, encompassing Xu Baozhu. "The Consort Xu… may naturally accompany Your Celestial Presence."

Gu Qingxi and Xu Baozhu locked eyes once more. This easy? A trap?

Deciding action trumped doubt, Gu Qingxi pushed the door open.

Standing right outside, looking utterly bewildered, was the Tian Qing disciple tasked with overseeing the trial's exit point.

The disciple's eyes bulged as he took in the pair—the 'Emperor' and her 'Consort' stepping calmly out of the Phantasm Realm. "C-c-congratulations?" he stammered, the word sounding more like a question. "You… passed the First Trial?"

Gu Qingxi: "..."

She slowly turned her head, looking back at the Chief Eunuch's beaming face framed in the doorway, then at the flabbergasted disciple.

This trial… was it conceived during a festival of absurdity?

This wasn't just leniency; it was the proverbial parting of the Red Sea! Why?

Her hand rose unconsciously, fingertips brushing her cheekbone. Is my face really that… influential?

Xu Baozhu, blissfully unconcerned with cosmic absurdity, threw her arms around Gu Qingxi's waist. "Wheee! Qingxi! I knew you were my lucky star! I just hitched a ride on your imperial coattails! Easy pass!"

​High above, within the Grand Hall of Heavenly Clarity:​​

The immense Scrying Mirror shimmered, its surface clearing to show Gu Qingxi and Xu Baozhu stepping out of the illusory portal.

The Sect Master, all Peak Lords, and rows of elite core disciples stood frozen in silence.

Such a… comfortable, effortless, bordering on farcical passage through the notoriously challenging First Trial… was unprecedented.

Silence, thick and heavy as mountain mist, pressed down upon the hall.

How…?

What… in the name of the Heavenly Dao… just happened?!