Chapter 14: Hold Me Like You Mean It

Kayden walked into the school compound with a numb heaviness trailing behind each step. The sun was out, students buzzed with chatter, and classes carried on like nothing had changed.

But inside, something had.

There was never a relationship between us, he told himself silently. Nothing was ever defined. Thaddeus never said he wanted me… I'm the one who kept chasing him. I threw myself at him like a fool.

His chest tightened, but he kept walking.

Class ended earlier than expected. Darren wasn't on his schedule for that course, so he didn't come to school. Kayden, unsure what else to do with the empty time, made his way to a nearby café just off campus. He needed something—anything-to distract him.

He chose a quiet corner and placed a simple order. Before the food even arrived, a familiar voice rang out.

"Hey, Kayden. Mind if I sit?"

Kayden looked up and met Ariz's warm, confident smile. "Sure."

As Ariz slid into the seat across from him, a few students walking by paused, whispering with excitement.

"Oh my God, that's Ariz!"

"He's even finer up close, ugh, I can't breathe."

Kayden raised a brow, amused. "It's like you're every girl's crush around here."

Ariz chuckled, leaning back in his seat. "Maybe. But… I don't do girls."

Kayden blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm gay," Ariz said without hesitation, eyes clear, voice firm. "And I don't hide it. Everyone who matters around here knows. And let's be honest, boys and girls both adore me."

Kayden gave a small laugh. "That's quite a brag."

"It's not a brag," Ariz said smoothly, "it's a fact."

The conversation flowed easily after that. They talked about school, business, music, and even random topics like annoying lecturers and campus drama. Ariz was witty and sharp, but he also listened. Really listened.

For the first time in days, Kayden found himself actually enjoying someone's company. Ariz had this effortless confidence, a calm freedom in how he carried himself. Open. Unapologetic. Everything Kayden wasn't used to.

Ariz glanced up at him. "You know, I know some really cool places. You should let me take you out sometime."

Kayden hesitated. "I'm not sure if I'll be..."

"You're still young," Ariz cut in, grinning. "You should enjoy now. It's better than regretting later."

"How old do you think I am?" Kayden asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

"I don't guess," Ariz replied. "I ask."

"I just turned twenty. A few days ago," Kayden said softly.

Ariz raised an eyebrow. "Twenty? Damn. Still got your whole life ahead of you."

He leaned forward slightly. "Look, I'm not a bad guy. I'm just someone who believes you can have fun and still be serious when it counts. You deserve to breathe a little."

After a short silence, Kayden nodded. "Okay… maybe."

Right then, their server returned with Kayden's order. Before Kayden could even reach for his wallet, Ariz handed over his card and paid without blinking.

Kayden looked at him, surprised. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to," Ariz said with a shrug. "Besides, I'm smooth like that."

Kayden laughed softly, and for a moment, Thaddeus didn't exist in his mind. Not his silence. Not the unanswered questions. Just this Ariz's words, the warm air, and the comfort of not having to pretend.

Ariz was playful, talkative, always keeping the energy alive, and that was exactly how he got Kayden's attention.

As they stood to leave, Ariz offered, "Want me to drop you off?"

Kayden shook his head gently. "Maybe another time. My driver's already waiting."

"Alright," Ariz said with a smirk. "But I'm holding you to that 'maybe'."

They exchanged a casual wave, and Ariz walked off, easily drawing glances from almost everyone he passed.

Kayden stood still for a few seconds longer, trying to piece together how the day had gone so fast. The moment faded into early evening. Most students had already left.

He walked toward the parking lot and spotted his driver, who had waited nearly an hour without complaint.

"I'm sorry," Kayden said quietly as he got in.

"It's no trouble," the man replied with a kind smile. "You needed your time."

As the car pulled away, Kayden leaned his head against the window.

And for once… he let himself rest.

Kayden arrived home late that evening.

He had made a few stops on the way, picked up some essentials, browsed through the aisles without any real urgency, and waited patiently to grab his favourite dessert. It was a small act of self-care. Something to soothe the weight in his chest.

By the time he was done, night had already fallen.

As he stepped through the front door, the quiet hum of the house greeted him. And then he saw him.

Thaddeus.

Back from his trip.

Standing there in the hallway like a shadow from the past, watching him in silence.

Kayden said nothing. No greeting. No glance.

He simply walked past him, straight to his room.

He unpacked the few things he bought, placed the dessert untouched on the desk, and headed to the bathroom. A long shower later, he emerged feeling cleaner but not lighter.

He didn't want to talk. He didn't want explanations. He didn't want to pretend he was okay.

Just as he sat on the edge of his bed, a knock echoed softly from his door.

He didn't need to ask who it was. He already knew.

So he stayed quiet.

But the door creaked open anyway.

Thaddeus stepped inside.

And the silence between them was louder than ever.

"I called you a few times today," Thaddeus said quietly, stepping into the room. "You didn't pick up. Why?"

Kayden barely looked up as he replied, "I was busy at school. I didn't see the calls."

Thaddeus took a step closer, voice low but steady. "What about just now? You walked past me like I wasn't even there."

Kayden gave a tight smile. "I was in a rush… I'm sorry."

"Kayden," Thaddeus said again, his name lingering in the air like a plea.

Kayden finally met his eyes. "Who was that woman with you yesterday?"

The question cut through the room like a blade, and for a second, Thaddeus's expression flickered.

But instead of answering, he simply said, "I'm old enough, Kayden. I don't think you need to ask that."

His voice was guarded. Detached.

"I'm here to say I'm sorry," he added. "I ignored your calls during the trip. I was busy with a lot of things."

Kayden's lips parted slightly in disbelief. That was it? That was all he came to say?

He bit the inside of his cheek to keep his emotions from spilling. "Welcome back," he said flatly. "You can go rest now."

Thaddeus paused, watching him closely, but said nothing else. "I'll talk to you in the morning."

And with that, he turned and stepped outside.

Kayden stood still for only a second before locking the door, pressing his back against it. His legs gave out. He slid to the floor, covered his mouth, and sobbed into his hand, muffled, broken.

So I don't even deserve an explanation…

None of it meant anything to him…

Outside the door, Thaddeus hadn't moved.

He heard the collapse. He heard the quiet sobs.

And it shattered him.

He clenched his jaw, debating with himself, but he couldn't walk away. He couldn't pretend he felt nothing.

He knocked again.

Kayden jolted, quickly wiping his tears and forcing his face to look composed. "Who is it?" he asked, voice trembling.

"Thaddeus," came the reply.

Kayden hesitated but opened the door.

Thaddeus stood there, his eyes sweeping over him, from the damp edges of his lashes to the forced curve of his lips.

Without saying a word, Thaddeus stepped inside, gently closed the door, and locked it behind him. He moved toward Kayden, one hand rising to cup his cheek.

And then he kissed him.

It wasn't rushed. It wasn't careless. It was full of everything he couldn't say, everything he had tried to deny.

"I'm sorry… just now," he whispered against his lips. "I was foolish to speak that way."

He rested his forehead against Kayden's. "You're driving me crazy. I'm trying to stay in control, to respect your father, not to ruin the trust and friendship we've built for years. If he finds out… it'll break him. And I can't do that. I can't betray him."

Kayden looked up at him with watery eyes. "I understand. But can you think about me too? About what I feel?"

Thaddeus slowly brushed his hand through Kayden's hair, pulling it gently back. He sighed deeply and moved to sit on the bed.

"I want you," he said, eyes locked on Kayden's. "But wanting you… feels like betraying my best friend."

Kayden walked closer, voice trembling. "What if… / what if I grow up a little more? What if I graduate, and then I talk to him myself? The only reason he'd ever say no is because I'm still in university. But if I graduate, maybe he'll see I'm not a child anymore."

He took a shaky breath. "Please…" Can you wait for me?"

Tears slid down his cheeks again. "I've loved you for years. I can't let it go. I don't want to."

Thaddeus stood and pulled him close, wrapping an arm around his back and guiding his head to his chest.

Kayden collapsed into him, quietly breaking again, this time in Thaddeus's arms.

Thaddeus said nothing.

But he held him like he was afraid to ever let go.