Chapter fourteen: The weight of waiting

Aric

I didn't move into the dorms with them. My peers. I should be there, among everyone else.

Well, everyone special.

But it's getting to a point where I don't feel special at all.

And if I think about it, I've never really felt special. I'm just like every other ordinary human.

What if my dad was not a descendant, and they've been lying to me all along?

What if I'm not a descendant, and all of this is a joke?

Maybe when night falls, the real descendants laugh about how they know I'll never manifest, because I was never one of them to begin with.

I stopped going back to the academy training halls.

No more sparring. No more exercises. Nothing.

I only showed up for the required classes. The second they were over, I was out.

I didn't want to wait around and watch all the specials unleash their powers while looking down on me with pity.

Looking at me like a shadow.

Aurelia's shadow.

Even Finn and Kellen were fed up with me.

I left their messages on read. Didn't respond. Didn't explain. And I didn't let them into my space, either.

They were used to coming in and out of the palace, but this time, no one let them in.

And I guess that might've hurt.

I was floating through it all.

Wake up. Eat junk. Avoid mirrors. Pretend I was fine. Try not to scream. Eat again.

Despite all my hiding and avoidance, Corvin still came.

He was always there, standing in the courtyard behind the east wing.

Same spot. Same neutral expression.

He never said anything about me disappearing. Never called me out.

But he waited.

So most times, I came.

Today, I showed up ten minutes late.

I probably looked as shabby as I felt.

I hadn't meant to, but I couldn't be bothered to go back and change.

I didn't wear gloves, either.

My staff felt like lead in my hand. My other hand wouldn't stop shaking.

Corvin looked me up and down, eyes narrowed.

"You know, Aric, sometimes I forget you're also just a normal teenager."

He paused. "So what's up? Hormones? Depression? Should I call your therapist?"

I glared at him.

Then muttered, "Fine. Let's just start."

Corvin clapped twice.

"That's more like it. You know the drill. Leave the staff and do your moves. Let's get that fire out."

I dropped the staff with a loud clang and let out a breath of frustration.

Corvin looked at me thoughtfully, not really saying anything.

I began the moves.

Turned to my right. Then back around to my left.

Stood on my right foot, put my palms together. Controlled my breathing—trying so hard to call out the fire.

My dragon fire.

The fire lost somewhere deep down in my core.

I recited the incantation again and again.

Had my imaginations in place.

I called fire. I called my Dragon.

I called my father. My dead father.

I cried.

I don't know when it happened, but suddenly the tears were there. Hot and wet on my cheeks.

I'm a man. I shouldn't cry.

But here I am, crying because I know I've lost something that was supposed to be mine.

Something that was never mine to begin with.

Crying didn't help.

Nothing happened.

I stared at my hands like they were supposed to do something.

They didn't.

I looked at Corvin like he was supposed to do something.

He didn't.

Then I turned around and spoke….cruel, and without remorse.

"I'm done. This isn't helping. You are not helping. You're just useless, and I don't know why the Lady insists you must be my instructor. You know nothing."

Corvin didn't flinch.

He just stepped forward, adjusted his coat, and started packing up the equipment.

Calm. Like I hadn't just spat on everything he's been trying to do with me.

"Aric, you seem tired today. Let's try again next week."

I didn't apologize.

He didn't ask for one.

I left before he could finish packing up.

I didn't go back to my room.

I walked around the palace. Not the open places where everyone could see me.

I walked through dark corridors.

Places only people who'd lived here long enough would know.

The corners and halls and abandoned rooms we had discovered as little kids.

The places we hid when we didn't want the maids to find us.

I walked.

Just allowing the depression to hit.

I knew it would pass. Because it usually did.

But this time… I'm not so sure.