Chapter 48. Jump Then Fall.

"I like the way you're everything I ever wanted. I had time to think it over and all I can say is come closer. Take a deep breath and jump then, fall into me."

We drove straight to the cafe, a few words exchanged but I mainly focused on the palm trees we passed by. Trying to keep my beating heart from bursting out of my chest until we pulled up to a quaint little spot. Nestled on a corner, lush greenery surrounding the entire building. 

When we entered, the inside was just as bright. One of those tucked-away gems with handwritten chalkboard menus and a patio that caught the morning sun just right. 

I sat across from Erik, ankle propped up on the extra chair he'd insisted the hostess bring over. The smell of coffee and butter and syrup hung in the air like comfort. And for the first time in hours, I felt something that resembled peace.

Or maybe I was just pretending.

He was looking at me in that way again, like I was the answer to a question he hadn't realized he'd been asking. And it made my stomach turn in a way that was half warmth, half warning.

But before he could say anything the waitress appeared at our table side to take our orders. We made small talk with her, she was friendly enough and we were just happy to be getting a bite to eat. We ordered and she walked away. And almost instantly the same look appeared on his face. 

"So I—I was going to ask you today," he said suddenly, fiddling with the sugar packets in front of him. "On the hike."

I blinked. "Ask me what?"

He smiled sheepishly, almost like he was nervous. Which made me nervous.

"To be my girlfriend."

My breath caught, just for a second. Not because I hadn't seen it coming, but because I had. And it still hit me anyway. He is everything I ever wanted. Steady. Kind. Emotionally available. I prayed for this before and right now, in this quiet moment with sunshine slipping between us, I could almost believe I was ready for steady. I could allow myself to be someone's promise, someone's oath. Erik's girlfriend. 

"Brunch seemed like a decent backup plan," he added with a small laugh. "Even if it's not as dramatic as a mountaintop."

I smiled, soft and slow. Not because I was performing, but because maybe this was okay. Maybe this was good. Maybe this was divine timing in its own weird, wounded way. Telling me to let go of what wasn't and embrace what could be. 

"Yeah," I said, "brunch works."

He looked up, hopeful. "Is that a yes?"

I stared at the crinkle on the corners of his eyes, the way his lips formed perfectly when he smiled. And I imagined what it would be like to be his girlfriend. What it would be like to be his and only his. What it would be like to wake up in his arms, for him to be everything I need. Because I had dreamt of this moment the minute I realized I had a crush on him many months ago. But as many months as that was, it was also many lifetimes ago. Many different August's had come and gone. I hadn't been torn away from reality. I was just a girl trying to find a place in this world but now I was a girl trying to find a place in this moment. So I searched deep inside of me, was it a yes?

I didn't hesitate much longer before I nodded. "That's a yes."

He reached across the table and brushed his fingers against mine, like he knew how fragile the moment was. And maybe he did.

And I sat there, ankle pulsating on the chair, heart aching with the ghost of someone else, and told myself this was perfect timing. Because sometimes the truth was too big to say out loud. And sometimes it was enough just to say yes.

"I know we still have a lot to iron out, with you moving in and all but I was hoping this would work in my favor." He smiled, let our hands find each other. His fingers grazed my knuckles, sending a small flutter in my stomach.

When we walked out of the restaurant, the sun was higher now, painting the sidewalk in golden streaks. I moved slowly, favoring my sprained ankle, and Erik matched my pace without saying anything. No rush, no pressure. Just him beside me, warm and steady.

He reached for my hand as we rounded the corner toward the car, fingers brushing mine before curling around them like it was second nature. And I let him. His grip was gentle, like he was holding something delicate. Like he knew I was still stitching pieces of myself back together and didn't want to tug too hard.

We didn't talk much on the drive. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, just full. Like we were both holding onto the morning a little tighter than we needed to.

I stared out the window, head leaned against the glass, smiling because I was supposed to. Because this was good. Because I said yes.

"You look tired," he said quietly, one hand on the wheel, the other resting between us.

"I didn't sleep much," I admitted. Not a lie. Not the full truth either.

He nodded like he understood more than I gave him credit for. "We'll take it easy today. You can nap when we get back."

I turned to him, that soft smile still playing on my lips. "You're starting to sound like my boyfriend already."

He grinned, and that spark in his eyes, the one that made him so easy to fall for, flared up. "That's because I am."

I laughed, just a little, and leaned my head back against the seat. The car hummed beneath us, and the wind tugged gently at a few strands of my hair.

Outside, the world looked ordinary. Inside, it felt like I was walking a tightrope between what I had and what I left behind. Between what I wanted and what I was supposed to want.

But for now, I held his hand. For now, I smiled. For now, I told myself this was enough. Because maybe, eventually, it would be.

The house was louder than I expected when we got back. Laughter spilled from the kitchen, the clang of silverware and the low thrum of someone's music on a phone speaker echoing through the hall. I could hear Mallory's voice, bright and bossy trying to wrangle everyone into helping with brunch cleanup, and Dani's easy laugh rising above it all.

I limped through the doorway and into the foyer, Erik's hand still holding mine like a promise I hadn't fully unpacked yet.

We rounded the corner, and there they were, Hannah perched on the counter, Marshall eating straight from a skillet, Mallory scolding him, and Justin leaning against the fridge, arms crossed, watching it all like he wasn't really in it.

And then Hannah saw us. Her eyes lit up and she slid off the counter, weaving through the chaos until she was right in front of Erik, voice dipping low and secretive. 

"Well?" she asked, a little too brightly, like she already knew the answer. "Did you two have a good time this morning?"

A split second later she looked at our hands that were intertwined. Erik grinned, squeezing my hand before answering. "My girlfriend and I had a wonderful time this morning. Despite being in urgent care." 

'My girlfriend and I' slipped off of his tongue with an effortless ease that made my heart stutter. I felt Justin flinch before I even looked at him. Something about the way his posture changed almost like someone had punched the breath out of his lungs but he was too stubborn to let it show.

I turned my head, just enough to find him. And sure enough, he was already looking at the floor. Avoiding me. Avoiding everything.

He didn't say a word. Didn't even blink.

But I smiled. Because that's what you do when your name gets said like it's a win.

When Hannah spun toward me with wide eyes and a squeal—"Wait, you said yes?"—I gave her a practiced grin, nodding like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like my stomach wasn't still tangled in knots from the look Justin didn't give me.

"About time," Marshall said, raising a piece of bacon like a toast. "Guess a sprained ankle is good for something."

Dani rolled her eyes, snatching the bacon from him. "Marshall."

"No, seriously," he said, turning back to me. "You okay though? That was some hell of a stair." His eyes gleamed slightly because he knew the truth but wouldn't expose me. In the same beat he shot a look at Justin, who still looked stoic, no words, no expression. Just a dead stare to the horizon in front of him.

My smile thinned, but I didn't blink. "I'm fine. Just a sprain. I just missed the last step."

Mallory raised a brow but didn't say anything, just passed me a mug of coffee like she was handing me strength. I nodded my thanks. 

After that I didn't bother looking at Justin. 

He hadn't moved from his spot by the fridge. I could feel him though. Like gravity. Like static. But if I looked at him, if our eyes met, I knew I'd give something away. So I didn't.

I focused on Erik's hand in mine. On the gentle way his thumb brushed over my knuckles. On the way he kept glancing at me like I was something fragile and precious all at once. And maybe, if I kept looking at him long enough, I could convince myself that this was enough.

That I hadn't left pieces of myself upstairs. Pieces of myself on the balcony, on the mountain, on the beach, in the shower. Pieces of me scattered in the mess Justin and I made. Or that I hadn't just lied in front of a room full of people and still felt like the biggest betrayal hadn't been the one I told out loud. I wasn't sure what hurt more: that I didn't get to tell him myself, or that he wouldn't even look at me now. I told myself this was the clean break. This was the right step forward. So why did it feel like a door had just slammed shut inside me? And why did it matter so much to him? 

I moved with the rhythm of the group like a song I didn't know the lyrics to. The kitchen stayed loud though, Dani playfully teasing Marshall, Mallory elbow-deep in soap suds but everything inside me had gone mute. Like I'd swallowed silence and it was taking root in my chest.

 I felt like a shell of myself, my soul was trapped in purgatory and I wasn't sure how to bring it back. I wasn't sure I would ever get it back. But for now I would pretend. Pretend until it didn't feel like I was pretending. I stood tall next to Erik, gently squeezing his hand, planting myself into this new reality I shaped for myself. I would be okay. I know I will eventually. 

But it felt like it was going to be more difficult the minute I saw Justin slip out the back door like he was escaping our new reality. I wanted to run after him, like many times before but I didn't. I stayed rooted next to Erik and I watched as Hannah took that place. Watched as she ran out after him and watched as they talked outside. 

I tried to join the conversation, and make myself present in the moment, I laughed at the jokes, nodded at the questions. Leaned on Erik every once in a while. Like a girlfriend. Like his girlfriend. But then I saw it. Justin and Hannah kissing, I saw his grip tighten around her waist and then him pulling her into his chest. That possessive move he always did that drove me crazy. Now he was using it on Hannah. And it was probably driving her crazy. And while I knew they had kissed before but this time it felt different.

Moments later I saw them hand in hand, walking straight to the kitchen. I knew I had to play the part, that everything was okay. That the way he kissed her didn't ache my heart. So I laughed, laughed louder than I should. Was it actually funny or was I trying to show him that I was okay with the way things ended. Even if we never said the 'it ended' part out loud. 

And then they entered the kitchen and our eyes met for a split second. Short enough to not linger but long enough to let me know he was playing the part too. On the surface, like me he was smiling, but underneath he was probably breaking, the same little breaks like the ones in my bones. And maybe we were both screaming internally but neither of us made a sound. They stood behind me, whispering to each other.

Moments later Hannah waltzed out the back door, an easy smile spread across her face. I shifted slightly, grabbing the orange juice but I could feel his presence so close to me now. I tilted my head just enough to catch him watching me from the corner of my eye. He hovered around me like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. He just turned around and I could hear him shuffling up the steps. 

I turned back to my orange juice and took a small sip, I could feel it crawl down my throat and into the pit of my stomach. I felt a warm hand on my back, gently grazing me up and down. Erik. I leaned into the warmth, leaned into him. I wanted safe, I wanted steady, I needed it. I didn't want unpredictable anymore, I didn't want to second guess where I stood in someone's life. And Erik's been giving me that from the beginning. The thought alone should've sent me spiraling but it didn't. Not yet at least. Instead I embraced the fact that he had been there so steady from the minute he made it obvious he liked me. 

"Well we're hitting the second to last day here. What are the plans? Nothing too crazy cause Auggie can't move around too much." Mallory's excited voice cut through the laughter circling around us. 

"We still have some food and some liquor to kill off. How bout a simple pool party with some grilling?" Marshall said as he leaned on the counter. 

There were collective agreements all around. 

"I'll go ask Justin to see what his plans are. Can one of y'all call Allie, Jacob, Hunter and Nancy? We gotta make this one count!" Dani said, standing up from her stool already halfway to the stairs. 

I reached for my phone, my thumbs instinctively opened Justin's messages, I couldn't believe the muscle memory I had. I brushed it off, hoping Erik didn't notice. "Uhm I'll text Allie and see what their plans are." I said as casually as I allowed myself. 

"I'll call Hunter, I know the four of them had some excursion planned for the morning but nothing for the night. Also Auggie don't forget, tomorrow is the tattoo appointment. You have to let me know if it's a definite yes or a definite no!" Mallory tapped my shoulder as she made her way over to the foyer. 

I had completely forgotten my final birthday gift. Matching tattoos with Mallory. At the time I knew my mom would never go for it. She would've probably tried to rip the tattoo off of my skin if I came home with one. But now? I had all the free will in the world. No one to stop me, or criticize my actions, zero judgment. Erik glanced over at me, half surprised, half intrigued. 

"A tattoo huh?" He leaned in and whispered to me, his intrigue was evident now. 

"Yeah she wants to get matching birth month flower tattoos. I wasn't sure when she first asked me 'cause of my tyrant… I mean my mom but now I think I'm about to get a tattoo." I said with a smile that finally started reaching my eyes. Because I was free of her invisible shackles even though now I put a different pair on. The thought of getting a tattoo was starting to feel fun, carefree, something a happy girl would do. Right? 

Erik looked pensive for a second, like maybe he could hear my thoughts, then a wide grin spread across his lips. "Might have to join you two on the fun, maybe not matching flower tattoos but something to commemorate this trip. Maybe a hibiscus flower." 

"Yes! Please get a yellow hibiscus flower!" I squealed, leaning into him a bit, feeling lighter than earlier. His laugh was low but airy and that eased even more tension in me. 

"A yellow hibiscus it is." His words settled over me and seconds later I felt his arm wrap around my waist. And I felt giddy. A very welcomed emotion all things considered. There was still some underlying guilt but I felt more excited about the prospect of getting a tattoo with him there. And the fact that he was getting one too felt even more special. 

Dani came back downstairs with a pout but the minute we made eye contact her face shifted. "Well I'm gonna go get my bikini on. Justin and Hannah won't be here till later, any word on the rest?" She turned to look at me but for once I couldn't face her because I'm pretty sure whatever was said between her and Justin wasn't sunshine and rainbows. 

"No word yet, Mallory is on the phone with them right now." I turned away from her and faced the kitchen. But she didn't press further, she just turned the corner and started walking to her room, Marshall followed shortly after. 

"I'm gonna go change, make a quick phone call and I'll be back in a bit okay? Do you want help upstairs?" Erik stood from his stool and turned to me. 

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him in. I felt like I was grounding myself to this moment. "No I'm okay I'm gonna stay down here for a while. If anything I can ask Marshall but I'm good for now." 

He placed a tender kiss on the top of my head. "I'll see you, please just get some rest and elevate that ankle." 

He walked towards the back and closed the door quietly behind him. The house was quiet now with everyone gone or getting dressed. I could finally let the idea of being official with Erik settle over me. I don't know why it feels bittersweet. This was supposed to be a perfect movie scene moment and it feels like anything but. 

A part of me feels guilty because of everything that's happened with Justin over these last three weeks. And the fact that Erik doesn't know anything past the truth or dare kiss is daunting. I want to tell him, I want to be honest but I'm not ready to reveal that just yet. I'm not ready to expose a part of me that was supposed to stay sealed. But the longer I sit on my hands about it, the harder it will get to say it out loud. 

I took a deep breath and knew I had to go lay down for a little while, but the minute I stood from my stool, I noticed how bad my ankle was hurting. More than earlier, more than my heartache disguised as a headache. I slowly limped my way over to the stairs but couldn't get past the first step. I gripped the railing and in the same breath I heard a door open at the top of the staircase and I was grateful because I could get Mallory to help me. 

But as my usual luck would have it, it was Justin, staring down at me from the top of the steps. Like he was trying to figure out what I was doing. And then without skipping a beat he rushed downstairs. He stood a few steps above me and just stared me down. No words, just raised eyebrows and an arm extended for me to take. I hesitated, though I knew I couldn't fight it because I did need the help. I rolled my eyes and took his hand. He stood to my side, one hand on mine, the other on my waist. Like nothing had changed, like we haven't been avoiding each other's gaze, like there wasn't an infinite amount of words we needed to say to each other. 

He took me all the way to my room, helped me take a seat on my bed and even set pillows so I could elevate my foot. The entire time I could've swore he could hear how loud my heart was beating. There was so much I wanted to say. So much he needed to hear. So many unsaid things that changed the course of our friendship, relationship, whatever ship we were in. But he didn't say anything. He stood at the door frame, watching as I struggled to find the words that were caught in my throat. 

Until finally I felt the words slip before I could even think about stopping them.

"Justin—"

But that's all that would escape me. His name came out of me like a desperate prayer, but he didn't say anything. Just continued watching me struggle for air. And then I heard, "Justin!" sharp, unrelenting, like it didn't matter what he was doing because she needed him, and she needed him now. Hannah's voice echoed through the silence between us, filling the space we gave ourselves. But he didn't move, not right away, he was waiting for more from me, but we both know I couldn't give him more. He took a deep breath, gripped his fingers around the door and when I didn't stop him, he left. Closing the door behind him, leaving me feeling like he was closing the door between us. And I let him. 

I laid there silently now, foot elevated against the pillows he adjusted for me, watching the ceiling fan spin in circles, similar to my spiraling thoughts. If I focused hard enough, I could pretend none of it happened. Not the way his hand settled on my waist like muscle memory. Not the way he looked at me like I was the last thing he wanted to walk away from. Not the way I'd whispered his name and let it sound like something sacred.

The blades above me whirred slow and steady, hypnotic. Like maybe if I listened closely enough, it would hum me into forgetting. I let the fan pull me under, lulled by its rhythm and the weight of exhaustion pressing into my bones. My body gave out before my heart did.

And for a little while, I slept. Dreamless. Still.

Then—knock knock.

Soft. Hesitant. The kind of knock that didn't want to be heard but needed to be answered.

I blinked awake, dazed and unsure if I'd imagined it. The fan above me kept spinning, unchanged. But the silence had shifted, like someone was holding their breath on the other side of the door.

Another knock, a little firmer this time.

I didn't call out. I didn't move. I just stared at the door, half-hoping it would stay shut and half-terrified it would open.

Because if it was him again, I didn't know if I'd have the strength to look at him and pretend none of it mattered.

And if it wasn't him, I didn't know if I could stand the disappointment. But I had to give in, I had to come to terms with my life and I couldn't keep hiding. 

"Door's unlocked, come in!" I shouted, but I didn't move, I stayed still on the bed. 

Moments later the door opened, slowly, unsteady. Whoever was behind the door was hesitant to enter my room, and for a second I thought I knew those footsteps. 

Dani walked in, a small hesitant smile formed across her lips. "Hi sunshine, did I wake you?" She whispered and shut the door behind her. 

She walked over to the edge of my bed and I sat up to make her room. "No, it's okay I should get up anyway." I said as she took a seat next to me. 

"I would be exhausted too if I was juggling two guys." She let out a sharp laugh but I didn't join her, not because it wasn't funny but because it was true. "I'm sorry I'm just joking, but I did want to make sure you were doing okay."

"My ankle will be fine it's just a sprain, the doc–"

"No I'm talking about emotionally, I mean you went from being carried up a mountain to have moonlight sex with Justin and then you walked hand in hand as Erik's girlfriend. It's just kind of a hard pivot. Marshall and I got whiplash from it. I just wanna make sure you know what you're getting yourself into." Her voice was soft but her words were firm, I could barely look at her. I don't know if what she said made me feel ashamed but it did make me feel like a horrible person.

I bit my nails, stalling or thinking or both. I understand her concerns but what's done is done and there's no taking anything back. 

I hesitated for a second longer. And then finally I spoke, even though I really didn't want to. "I get it's complicated outside looking in but Justin and I were never anything more than people passing the time together. He and I both knew that going into it and if things progressed with either Erik or Hannah it would be like it never happened." 

Her eyebrow raised in disbelief? Disappointment? Whatever it was, she wasn't convinced with what I was telling her. She sighed and placed a hand on my leg. "But it did happen. And from the outside looking in, that was more than people passing time. I'm not saying what you share with Erik isn't special or worth exploring, I love that for you. He is a great man and I know he will do anything and everything in his power to make you happy. But… you can't just brush Justin aside like it was just sex. We know that wasn't just sex between you two." 

I let out a humorless laugh and leaned against the headboard. "It was though, and he hasn't said differently. In fact he hasn't said anything at all. So how could it be more? How could I run on the assumption that this was more for him than it was for me." We locked eye contact finally, and my voice felt a little shaky. "I want to be happy Dani. I deserve to be happy and I think I can be happy with Erik. No…I know I can be happy with him. There's nothing that makes me think that Justin can make me happy beyond sex so why risk it?" 

"That's not fair August, and you know that." 

I could feel the sting in my eyes, I knew I was about to cry. Because I knew I wasn't being fair. Not Justin, not to Erik and definitely not to myself. But I made this mess and this is how I wanted to deal with it. I needed to move on from this. If Justin felt more, or wanted more he could've easily said something. But he didn't. Which only meant that I got attached when we said we wouldn't. And maybe that's what hurts the most. I promised myself not to let my desires get in the way of my 'desires'. Because I want the white picket fence, I want the security, the safety, the stability. Everything that I knew Erik was and Justin could never be.

"Dani, I took this too far. Farther than it ever needed to go and I obviously bit more than I could chew but if he saw me as something more, then don't you think he would've fought for me? Don't you think he would have told me? He had every chance, every opportunity to tell me. We spent all night together and not once did he give me any idea, any hope that maybe it was more than just sex for him. And I just can't face it right now. I'm embarrassed." 

"So he carries all the power? He's the one in charge of your future? He calls all the shots? This isn't making sense to me. You're a smart girl. You don't get steamrolled unless you lie down and let it happen." 

"He's the first person I've ever had sex with. I'm just another notch in his belt. Of course he holds the power. He's done this before. He knows how to keep things casual, how to walk away. But me? If I admit this meant more it means I couldn't handle what I thought I could. It means my mom was right." I paused, my voice faltered. "And that's my burden to bear."

"August," She said my name sharper than I expected, not mean, but edged with a kind of exasperated care that made me flinch

"Do you hear yourself right now? I know you're a logical person but I never took you for the quiet resignation type. I know he isn't fighting for you the way he should but that doesn't mean this wasn't real for him either." She leaned forward, her eyes now locked on mine, sharper than before. "And Erik—God August, if you really believe you're choosing him for love, I'd be the first to celebrate. He's good. He's kind. He's here for you. But you're not talking about him like someone you love. You're talking about him like a fire escape. Like if you climb down fast enough, you'll outrun the wreckage with Justin." 

Ouch, that one stung. But she wasn't done. 

"This whole speech about how Justin never said anything? That's fear talking. Not fact. You think Erik's the safe bet, and maybe he is. But if you're with him just because you're scared of what it means to want Justin and not be wanted back?" She shook her head but pressed on. "That's not fair to Erik. That's not love. That's self-preservation in a nice dress."

"I'm choosing Erik because I do like him. I said yes to being his girlfriend not just because of what he offers but how he sees me. How he makes me feel." I straightened my back out, trying not to fold into myself. "He looks at me like I'm good. Like I'm whole. Not complicated or broken or some kind of accidental mess he's trying to figure out. He makes it easy to be around him. I don't have to second-guess everything I say or wonder if I'm being too much or not enough. With Erik, I feel… enough." My voice cracked slightly on the last word, but I sealed it fast and shrugged my shoulders. "And yeah, maybe I'm still sorting some stuff out. Maybe I screwed up. But I'm allowed to want someone who makes me feel like the best version of myself. Isn't that what we all want?"

Dani gently grazed my leg, she was losing her patience with me but she wasn't giving up just yet. "Yeah… we all want someone who makes us feel like our best selves. But what happens when you're not at your best, August? What happens when you spiral or get scared or start building those walls again?"

"I get that but—"

She put her hand up, she wasn't done. "Because I've seen you with both of them. And yeah, Erik looks at you like you're good. Like you're easy to love. But Justin, he sees everything. The mess. The panic. The chaos. And he doesn't flinch. He doesn't turn away, he's not afraid of the imperfect. I'm not saying Erik isn't a good guy. He is. And if that's who you want, I'll support you. I just, I need you to stop pretending this is all about stability. Or fairy tales. Or how someone makes you look. Because I think you're choosing what feels safest and definitely not what feels real."

Her voice got quieter now, almost a whisper. "You don't have to be perfect to be loved, August. You just have to be honest. Even if it's terrifying."

"I don't want to be terrified. I want to be with someone that chooses me and doesn't let me walk away. Because I don't want to jump if I don't know that I'm going to be caught. So yeah maybe Justin can accept the chaos, the mess and the panic but he's never given me any indication that he would catch me if I jumped. But Erik… his arms are already stretched, ready for me to take the leap without question." I dropped my head, I could feel the ache in my words as they escaped me. 

"I hear you, August, I really do. But some risks are worth taking. It's the difference between living and being alive. If Erik is the one then I'm ten toes behind you but if there is a sliver of doubt in your mind… don't put your eggs in one basket. Don't go for what you think will be the safest."

The silence between us was deafening but there was nothing more I could say. I felt defeated because I don't want to just survive. I want to be alive and Justin makes me feel alive but at what cost? Erik makes me feel secure. Not just safe or stable but secure in the person I am. That who I am is enough to love, enough to build a life with, enough to look past the flaws and imperfections. 

"So what do you want to do?" Her voice cut through my thoughts, slicing with a question I couldn't give an answer to just yet. 

And before I even attempted to answer, three soft knocks were heard at my door. And then almost instantly my door opened. We watched silently as Erik entered my room, with an iced coffee in each hand, and an easy smile across his face. 

"Hey Erik, I'll leave you guys alone, I just came to check on our clumsy girl." Dani winked at me and grazed my leg before she got up and left, closing the door behind her. 

Erik made his way over to the bed, in his usual–calm, assured, steady demeanor. He held out the iced coffee with a grin that didn't ask questions, and for a split second, I hated how easy it was for him to walk in like nothing was burning.

"Vanilla with a splash of oat milk and an extra shot," he said. "Thought you could use a pick-me-up."

I blinked at him, my mouth dry. My hands reached for the cup before I even processed the movement, like muscle memory had taken over for my heart.

"Thanks," I murmured, trying not to let my fingers shake when they brushed his. I took a sip of the coffee, more for the distraction than the caffeine. It was sweet, too sweet but maybe that was the point. Something easy to swallow.

His eyes glazed over me, cautiously. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything between you and Dani."

I nodded slowly, taking another sip, as if that were to ground me more. "No not at all, I just woke up from a nap and she came to see if I needed anything." 

He sat slowly on the edge of the bed next to me, our thighs brushed, sending a shiver down my spine. He gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Explains the bed head," he laughed low and his smile spread wider. 

I laughed, a practiced, perfect sound. "It's the newest trend, you wouldn't get it." I snapped back jokingly, almost too performative. 

 He laughed, easy and golden. Not noticing how tight my laugh was, and for a second, the tension faded.

"What's the plan for today?" I asked, already knowing the answer but craving the normalcy of it.

"Pool day. Everyone's in full beach bum mode, plus we probably should all start packing soon." He glanced at my foot, the swelling a little more obvious now. "How's the ankle?"

"Still annoying," I admitted, curling it slightly. "I don't think swimming's in the cards for me, maybe I'll tan or something."

He leaned back, resting on his palms. "Who said anything about swimming? We'll float."

"Float?" I raised a brow.

He grinned. "Yeah, I can carry you and you can float, enjoy the water, take in the sun. It will be relaxing and it'll probably help with the swelling." 

I watched as his eyes twinkled, this was easy for him. It was easy to see the good in me, to want to take care of me even if he doesn't know how to yet. And for a moment, for the smallest sliver of time, my heart fluttered. It was soft, and sweet, the way it used to before this mess. 

"I'd like that," I said, and I meant it. I even let myself believe it. 

I took another sip of the coffee, stalling. "I should probably get changed. Can't exactly show up in leggings and an ice pack."

Erik stood up right away. "Do you want me to grab your stuff? I can—uh—just tell me where it is."

I smiled gently. "Top right corner of my suitcase, there should be a blue strappy two piece, probably folded up."

He moved carefully, like he didn't want to mess up a single item, like the bikini might self-destruct in his hands if he unfolded it wrong. He held it up by the straps, awkwardly, and passed it to me like it was something sacred.

"I'll, uh—I'll wait on the balcony," he said, already heading toward the sliding door. "Take your time."

Once he disappeared behind the glass, I sat there for a second, holding the fabric in my lap, soft and tangled.

The difference hit me like a ripple I hadn't seen coming.

Justin would've smirked, picked the suit himself, probably made a comment about how he was helping me out of it later. He would've tossed it at me and stayed in the room, maybe turned around, maybe he would've watched, but definitely not stepped outside like I was made of porcelain and privacy. He moved through the world like everything belonged to him , including me, sometimes.

But Erik…

Erik stepped carefully. He knocked before entering spaces. Asked before reaching. He didn't push, didn't assume. And I liked that. I did. But the differences were more apparent now than they'd ever been. 

I lifted my T-shirt over my head, removing my bra along the way and slipping on the bikini top. I shifted over on the bed and watched as Erik stood, gripping the railings just watching the horizon. I removed my leggings next, standing but struggling, and my ankle throbbed as I adjusted the straps. I caught my reflection in the mirror, messy hair, bare shoulders, eyes a little more tired than I wanted them to be. I tried to imagine how Erik would see me right now. Soft. Sweet. Not too much. 

And yet, in the farthest part of my mind, I could still feel Justin's stare. That reckless, anchoring gaze that said I see all of you. And I'm not going anywhere.

But he had gone. And Erik was still here.

So I took a breath, smoothed the fabric over my hips, and limped out toward the balcony, toward the choice that looked more like a life and less like a question mark.