Chapter 12: The Day the Illusion Died

 Graduating from university felt like taking a breath after being held underwater for too long. Zina thought freedom would come with her certificate, but it didn't. The invisible chains still followed her, shame, guilt, heartbreak, and the pieces of herself she had left behind in Richard's hands, during her youth service year, the familiar cycle began again.

 She had visited Richard for a weekend, hoping to spend time away from camp stress and just rest. But a few weeks later, she missed her period.

The fifth time.

Another pregnancy.

Zina could feel her soul leave her body the moment she confirmed it. Not from fear, she had grown numb to that, but from exhaustion. Mentally, emotionally, physically… she was tired, when she told Richard, he said nothing. He simply stared at her like she had just handed him a bill he didn't want to pay. There were no words, No support, no warmth.

Just silence.

And Zina knew what that meant.

---

 That night, something broke in her. Something final, she confronted him, the anger bottled for years bursting like a shaken bottle of soda.

"I gave you everything," she said, voice cracking. "My body. My trust. My time. My soul." Richard stood up from his chair and raised his hands. "You need to calm down." "Don't tell me to calm down! You promised marriage! You went to my parents, Richard!"

He scoffed. Then looked her dead in the eyes and asked:

"Did you actually think I was going to marry you?"

The world stopped moving.

 Zina's breath caught in her throat. Her heart thudded so loud she could barely hear anything else. The scales finally fell from her eyes. And in that single moment, the entire relationship, the years, the apologies, the gifts, the lies, all dissolved into that one statement.

It was never love, It was never real, It was all her.

---

 She packed her things and walked out that night. No tears. No words. Just a strange silence in her chest that felt like the burial ground of her younger self, she remembered one of the earlier D&Cs that nearly took her life. The one where the bleeding wouldn't stop. For weeks, she walked around lightheaded and scared. It was a guy who once had a crush on her who noticed and insisted she see a gynaecologist, "You look pale, Zina," he had said gently. "You need help."

That doctor told her what she feared: her womb was infected. If she hadn't come in time, it could have ended differently, he placed her on medication and monitored her recovery. Zina said little. She was ashamed. Broken. Embarrassed to even be alive.

The 5th D&C pushed her body to the edge. She started bleeding again — not heavy, but unrelenting. She had to see another doctor to complete the procedure. Her body had become a battlefield, and she was the casualty, yet, Richard offered no comfort. Just distance. Just gaslighting. Just more silence.

 So Zina made a decision, not out of anger this time, but out of survival.

She left. For good.

---

 After her NYSC ended, she moved to Aba to stay with her sister, hoping that a new environment might offer healing. And for a while, it did. She started sleeping better, smiling more. She spoke less of Richard, and more of what could come next.

Then Phil resurfaced — the man in Italy who had once promised her a future. he had been patient, kind, and consistent during her service year. And now, he wanted to marry her. He asked her to begin the process for international travel and assured her everything was being arranged on his end. Zina tried to embrace the idea, but something was off.

 She didn't feel love, just relief.. Like she was about to escape, not commit. She wrestled with her conscience daily. "Am I doing this for me, or just running from my past?" she'd ask herself.

Then, during a casual call, Phil laid down the rules.

"I can keep female friends and bring them home anytime I want. It shouldn't be an issue."

Zina froze.

Red flag.

That was all she needed.

She hung up that call and whispered to herself, Not again.

She politely told Phil she couldn't continue with the arrangement. Her heart wasn't in it, and she refused to step into another cage painted with the word marriage.

---

 But the guilt lingered. The weight of the abortions, the memories of Richard, the image of herself shrinking to fit into other people's expectations, it haunted her.

A few months later, she reached out to Phil. She didn't know if she wanted him back, or if she just wanted a second chance at life. But his reply crushed her.

"If you want to be with me, you'll have to run fertility tests. I need to know you can give me a child."

Zina said nothing.

But inside, something shifted again, She wasn't a broken thing to be tested.

She didn't need to prove her worth with a lab report.

So she walked away, this time not from a man, but from the pattern of losing herself just to feel wanted, she stood in front of the mirror one morning and whispered, Maybe I'm not who they said I was... Maybe I'm more.