Butterfly Effect’s A Bitch

You know, since the multiverse was real, there was at least one universe where there was a me writing my shitshow of a second life as a fanfic, in which case, 1: there's a me giving himself some very strange existential dread right now, and 2: He is really regretting having to write so many damn birthday parties. Kelsey's birthday came and went, and I'd gotten the girl two presents: The first being a new pair of glasses for her, with titanium frames (we were in the goddamn future, it genuinely confused me that in a world with matter printers, that we weren't building damn near everything that was metal with titanium), and some super advanced glass that was legitimately more durable than steel. The second was a sorta final gift from Andrew. Among the things I'd dug through in his parent's room when looking for anything that may be of value when it came to making sure everyone didn't die in the future, was a photo album his folks had owned. Within it was a picture of Kelsey and Andrew together that had been taken during Andrew's last birthday, less than a week before I ended up in his body. I felt… honestly really shitty being what was basically a skinwalker in her best friend's corpse, even if I didn't have a choice in ending up there. Kelsey had stared at the photo with hollow optics for a few seconds, and when I explained that I'd intended it to be a last present from Adrew, she froze, turned to me, and latched onto me with a hug, tears streaming down her optics.

"I… I know he's gone," she'd whispered. "I know you're not him, Joseph," she continued, sniffling. "And I know he can't hear me. But… thanks, Andy," she finished, before letting go and taking a bittersweet look at the photo again.

I'd felt like complete shit for that, but evidently it had helped her finally move on from V's break-in, as she'd been in a noticeably lighter mood in the following days. I'd also noticed the next week when she posted a selfie in her room on her Spacebook that the photo had been framed and placed on her night table. And that had honestly been part of a trend among my entire friend group. Everyone had been slowly recovering from the effects of that day, and were all generally a lot happier.

Doll was smiling more often, though she still had "down days," they happened less and less, and either Uzi or Lizzy was on hand to help her out of her funk, and the handful of occasions where they weren't immediately there had been covered by myself or one of the others. Lizzy was really starting to shape up to be a better version of herself, just smiling genuinely as much as she had sadistic grins at some piece of gossip gathered (definitely an improvement from only the latter, and probably the best I'd get), and would chat with Uzi about ideas to upgrade her phone, and just the other day she'd actually went and apologized to Rebecca about all the times she went off about her having a second room at Darren's, having realized on her own the reasons why she did and that complaining about it wasn't cool. Rebecca could still be testy sometimes, and could be downright vicious to people who pissed her off, but she'd been doing better too. I'd also found out her V-related trauma story when she'd had an off-day of her own a while back.

Neither she nor Darren had come into class that day, and I'd found out over the group chat that she'd been at her own hab the night before and had a nightmare about that day, and how V had literally tried to make balloon animals out of Rebecca's mom and dad, but had gotten bored partway through the attempt, partially munching on both of them before fucking off to kill someone else's family. Just… like… fuck man, you're a hot murder bot, V, and I get that the whole sadistic sociopath thing was because the Solver decided that it's own special form of psychological torture just for you was to make you remember everything but reset J and N's own memories if you told them, forcing you to keep them at a distance because getting close to them would wipe them over and over and over, making you be forced to watch the guy you loved and the caricature of the coworker you once also cared about forget you every single time. And I also totally ship you with N and Uzi, but sweet mother of [Null] , could you be a little less of a fucking monster ? You are not making my plans to redeem you after shooting you multiple times any easier… holy shit, my inner thought process must really sound insane to anyone else.

Moving on, Rebecca had been a mess that morning, and when Darren didn't meet her on their usual route to school, he backtracked to her hab and ended up spending the day with her. I'd gone and brought them their homework… which you know, completely unnecessary because we were robots and I could have just sent it to them electronically, but it was the thought and gesture that counted. They'd both appreciated it, that was for sure.

Uzi was having the time of her life, between Doll and the rest of us, and the sharp contrast between seeing her laugh and hang out with us versus my knowledge of her canon ostracization and bullying, hanging out by herself every day and locking herself in her room as she blared nightcore while designing weapons to distract herself from her own depression really drove in that I'd made changes to the timeline, and that I'd need to keep an eye on the butterfly effect. I wouldn't have changed anything I've already done, that's for sure, but at this point I'd probably derailed the events of the Pilot entirely. After all, it had been literally everyone (except Thad, because again, he's cool) including her own father ridiculing her interests and driving her up the walls that in turn drove her into taking her Sick As Hell Rail-Gun (That was a laser and not actually a railgun) prototype and sneaking outside at 3am to go try killing Murder Drones to earn their respect and prove to herself that she was actually worth something. And that… that was not gonna happen in this timeline, at least, definitely not in the same manner. It was pretty much a guarantee at this point that if I wanted to get The Plot rolling and kick off a chain of events that would get Disassembly Drones working with us before the Solver showed up to eat the planet, that I'd need to slip outside and start picking fights with them myself. Especially if I wanted to get Uzi to meet N in a manner that didn't have one of them dying… and no, Uzi melting N's head with a giant green laser didn't count as death, because N got better… man, Solver regen was bullshit . But I was going to actually cry if I ruined my favorite canon couple in all of fiction by being a nice person.

Anyways, my whole point on this rant was that everyone was doing pretty good, all things considered, I'd been making great progress in the background (a good stockpile of oil, great progress on the first layer of my secret lair, a functional industrial-grade matter printer, my first prototypes for my war-crime shotguns were done and about to be tested, and I was about 5.7% through every possible frequency of light I could flashbang myself with -- I'd analyzed memories of the show frame by frame to examine the Sentinel flashes, and ruled out a lot of higher luminosities as well), and judging by the fact that Lizzy had stopped wearing the gloves a few days after she started, and had only worn them one more time for a three day period between that first occasion and the present, Doll's oil needs weren't increasing at an alarming rate. I'd wager they were definitely still increasing, but not fast enough that I'd need to be on a constant watch to see if I needed to intervene. And since everything was going so well, my paranoia had me constantly in a low state of tension waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That shoe dropped, alright, and possibly in the most depressing non-dangerous manner it could have.

_______________________________________

Uzi's 8th birthday rolled around 10 and a half months into my time on Copper 9, and it probably went way better than it did in the canon timeline. There were actually people who showed up for it, for one, and those same people got Uzi presents. Lizzy got Uzi a phone of her own, which actually got the Solver-drone-to-be to cry tears of joy… before literally slapping herself back into being edgy. Doll got Uzi some shurikens (ninja-stars for the uncultured plebs out there in the multiverse), which had her literally squeal in joy as she lifted Doll up in a hug, Rebecca got her some kinda fancy spray to help keep her synthetic wig in a better condition, and Thad and Darren got her a great pair of running shoes and gloves for PE ( why , exactly, we had PE as robots, none of us understood, but had it we did) respectively. Kelsey legit made me overclock to hide my surprise when she got Uzi a smaller version of her canon dead-battery coat, with the cyborg raven from her old shirt printed on the back.

As for myself, I got another two-parter gift for Uzi. The first was a taser, in case Chad happened to spontaneously lose some processing power and thought it would be a good idea to fuck with my favorite emo gremlin again, and the second was a playlist consisting of well over a thousand nightcore and metal songs I'd put together for her, from some of Black Sabbath's clasics all the way to Sabaton's single Templars , one of the last things I could remember listening to before I got Isekai'd. And of course, among the nightcore I'd slipped into the present, with only an image of a black hole ringed in a caustic yellow as the background, I'd slipped an mp3 file I'd directly pulled from my memories into the playlist, as it unfortunately didn't exist anywhere else in this reality (or did it? While I couldn't find it anywhere else myself, it was on Nori's playlist on her ipod, technically). That particular song was, of course, Bite Me , by AJ Dispirito. If I got the opportunity in the future, I sure as hell intended to have a stereo blare that while fighting the Solver, and Uzi recognizing that song would be hilarious.

Uzi was possibly having the best birthday she could remember since Nori "died," and even I could see she was actually reluctant to let the day end as things winded down at her hab. Still, we were starting to say our goodbyes for the day, had finished helping Uzi clean the hab up, and that was when Khan Doorman got home from his latest shift. Some part of the back of my processors noted that this was actually my first time meeting the guy in person. He was wearing his canon outfit, which was honestly perfectly in character for him, consisting of a grey jacket, black boots, and a blue construction helmet with red safety goggles perched atop them. His optics were white, and there were wrinkle lines on his visor, a single one beneath each eye-emote, and a pair where his forehead would be if he was human. And, you know, couldn't forget the fake black mustache perched on his upper lip. He took in the sight of seven other kids in his home with his daughter, and blinked owlishly a few times.

"Oh," he got out, and then blinked again, before adopting a smile. "Well, Uzi, I didn't expect you to have a bunch of friends over today!" He leaned over and saw Doll. "And it's great to see you reconnecting to your cousin. I always wondered why you stopped seeing each other." I had to overclock to fight down my urge to instinctively facepalm.

"H-hey, dad," Uzi said, already uncomfortable. I couldn't blame her, because so was everyone else. "They… they've been my friends for months now. It isn't even the first time I've had them over."

"Ah," he remarked. "Well, why don't you introduce your old man to your friends?"

Making a quick executive decision to try and bail Uzi out of this awkward mess, I stepped forwards. "Hey, sir, my name's Joseph. And, uh, before you ask, the last guy in my body… suffered an identity death when a round grazed his CPU. Don't got no memories of being him, so I decided I might as well be a new me, you know." I fought down the urge to cringe at what I was about to say, and sent a preemptive apology in the group chat. "Shut the door on that chapter of my life, since it was dead and gone, so to speak."

Khan actually laughed at that, which might have been worse than the bevy of cringe emojis I got in response. One by one, the rest of the group stepped up as well.

"Thad, sir."

"Darren."

"Rebecca."

"Kelsey, nice to meet you!"

"Lizzy," followed by the girl in question going back to her phone, and I didn't blame her in this scenario.

" Nice to see you again, Mr. Doorman, " Doll said. " My parents hadn't wanted me to see Uzi, and I only realized that was wrong after they passed ," she added.

Khan waved a hand, "I'm sure they had a reason," he said, and multiple optics in the room went hollow, and then flickered as the drones they belonged to replayed the memory to make sure they actually heard that right. Being someone who abused overclocking as much as I did (the program could now run for a full hour straight before I started having issues), I went through that faster than the rest, and had enough time to watch Uzi's hurt expression as her jaw dropped. Jesus fucking Christ, Khan, I know you're about as bad of a parent as you can be without being actively abusive, and that your a PTSD-ridden mess, but come on! What he said next though, had even my meta-knowledge bearing ass drop his jaw in stupefaction. "So! What's the occasion you're all hanging out here today? Some kind of 'anime' marathon?" Khan asked, cringing slightly as he said anime.

Uzi's optics hollowed in less than a second as she stared at her dad, mouth moving as her fingers twitched, one of her hands shooting into a pocket to mess with a fidget spinner I'd fabricated for her a while back, her vocalizer crackling a few times as she locked up, unable to say anything, and digital tears brewed on her visor. There was a sharp inhale as Lizzy slipped her phone into a pocket and then glared at Khan, though Thad, Darren, Rebecca and Kelsey just stared in abject shock.

" Mister… " Doll had to pause, closing her optics, taking in a deep breath, and then letting it out. " Mister Doorman. It's Uzi's birthday today. We were celebrating it with her. "

Khan blinked once, twice, and then his optics hollowed in less than a hundredth of a second.

"You didn't, like," Lizzy said, looking up at Khan, teeth gritted in a false smile as one of her optics twitched. " Forget your daughter's birthday , did you?"

Still overclocked, I glanced around the room a few times, and wondered what the fuck was wrong that I had to play the voice of reason (though I very much wanted to join the rest of them). Khan was just starting to open his mouth, but I cut him off. "I'm sure that Uzi's dad just had a really busy day today, what with how late he's getting home and everything. It must have slipped his mind for just a couple minutes, you know?" In the chat, I sent:

Isekai_Protagonist: He totally forgot, and holy mother of fuck, I am SO SORRY for you, Uzi, but we probably shouldn't beat the shit out of her dad, even if he kinda deserves it, because that would look bad for us .

I immediately shifted gears in the physical world. "Because, you know, what kind of complete and utter failure of a father would forget his kid's birthday?" I asked in a totally innocent manner. Several optics shifted over to me as they immediately realized what I was doing, and Khan's own optics hollowed to a single pixel at my words.

"Yeah," Thad agreed, "You'd have to be a total scumbag to forget that." Khan made some kind of squeaking noise in the back of his vocalizer.

"Like," Lizzy added, going straight for the emotional gut-punch, "someone who forgot his daughter's birthday would just be spitting on the memory of their late wife , you know?" I only managed to straight face that via overclock, and Darren, Kelsey, and Rebecca suddenly coughed to mask their reactions to that. Khan actually flinched.

Doll just glared at him, right optic flickering for a moment, though this time, I didn't catch the Solver.

Khan swallowed (a rather pointless gesture outside of eating, probably coded into us by JCJ), and then cleared his throat. "Of… of course I didn't forget!" He said in an extremely confident voice. "I've…" he blinked, and then suddenly relaxed a bit, evidently having an idea, which only caused me to raise an eyebrow emote. "I've got an amazing idea for a present for Uzi!" The girl in question blinked, snapping back to reality a bit as she looked at her dad. "I'll give it to you first thing tomorrow morning!" he said, suddenly getting into a swing of things. "But, you kids should all head home now, because it's late, and you should go to bed. You too, Uzi! That present's a surprise , and I can't get it ready if you're watching, after all."

I blinked, and everyone else all looked over to Uzi, who was still fighting back tears, but she actually seemed hopeful, and nodded at us. There were a few glances shared, but we all acquiesced and began to say some goodbyes, each person giving a hug to Uzi, myself included, and whispering some manner of assurance into her audials. She was actually holding a small smile by the time we trickled out.

None of that helped the bad feeling I had in my gut.

_______________________________________

Uzi didn't come into class that morning. After over an hour passed, I finally tuned out the nonsensical math lesson (It wasn't even CAPTCHAS, and we had a literal supercomputer baked into our OS. What was the fucking point?!?) and decided to hop onto the group chat.

Isekai_Protagonist: >Uzi? U ok?

I didn't miss the others shifting in their seats as they started to pay attention themselves.

Darkxwolf16: My dad took me to work.

Darkxwolf16: That's my "present."

Darkxwolf16: Because he's so sure I love doors that he thought getting out of school to listen to a lecture on door hydraulics while a bunch of his coworkers play cards would be EUPHORIC for me.

KayKay: I take it it's not?

Darkxwolf16: This is fucking miserable.

Darkxwolf16: I'm in the bathroom crying rn.

Darkxwolf16: He actually forgot my birthday.

Darkxwolf16: And he tried to cover it up with this.

Darkxwolf16: Does he even KNOW ME???

Кукла: I'm so sorry Uzi.

Thad_the_Chad: That's… I can't even come up with an analogy for how messed up that is.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: Uzi, whatever you wanna do with us later today, we'll do it.

TotesBestGirl: I know we can't make up for this, but we'll still try.

DarrenToDream: Whatever we can do, we got your back.

KayKay: We're with you.

Isekai_Protagonist: Exactly!

Darkxwolf16: Thanks guys.

Darkxwolf16: It really means a lot to me.

Uzi managed to get out of sitting with Khan and the WDF at around the same time as school ended, and we started watching the 2430s remaster of RWBY (and yes, it was actually just a remaster, solely with better graphics but otherwise having the exact same plot and even pulling and reusing the voicelines of the original… which would technically make the V9 Roman Torchwick Billy Kametz's last post-mortem performance… as a post-mortem performance) to help her cope with everything.

The real problem was that the next day, Khan took her to work with him again . And the day after that. Uzi was more miserable the second day. She was bitter on the third. I got up early on the 4th day after her birthday, and headed over to the front door to Uzi's hab, intending to catch her and Khan as they left and spin some argument about how he was potentially hurting Uzi's social life and education by withholding her from classes, potentially adding some bullshit about how a child could only handle so much about the "majesty" of doors before they were utterly overwhelmed in case he was obstinate. I did not expect Doll or Lizzy to show up just a few minutes after I did, though in hindsight, Doll was Uzi's cousin in all but code by this point, and Lizzy was Doll's bestie, the leader of our social pack, and also Doll's voluntary oil-bag, so it made sense she'd not only be here, but would go wherever Doll did.

" Joseph? " Doll asked, a bleary-optic'd Lizzy looking up from her phone and blinking a few times as she realized I was there.

"I take it you also had an idea to spin some complete bullshit argument to get Khan to let Uzi go back to school?" I asked back.

" Yeah ," Doll agreed.

"I'm here as like, moral support," Lizzy drowsily added. "It's too early… But also, Uzi's part of my clique, and her deadbeat dad isn't keeping her away any longer."

I mimed toasting a wine glass, even as I leaned against the wall next to the door. " Salute, amici! " They both gave me a look at the Italian, but I just chuckled as we settled in to wait.

Less than five minutes later, I started picking up a raised voice that sounded like Uzi, and I put my head up to the wall to try and hear better. The voice getting louder definitely helped, too.

"I don't want to go to work with you again, dad!" I heard Uzi shout.

At a more quiet tone, Khan replied. "Come on, Uzi, I get you miss your friends a bit, but trust me, doors--"

"IT'S ALWAYS DOORS WITH YOU, DAD!" Uzi screamed back at him. "Door's this, Doors that! Doors, doors, DOORS!" Her voice was cracking. "WHAT ABOUT ME ?!?"

"Uzi, doors--" I had to overclock once again to resist the urge to facepalm at the fact that Khan literally couldn't go two words without saying it again when it was blatantly obvious he should avoid doing so.

"BITE ME, DAD! I DON'T CARE ABOUT DOORS, AND I'M GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY!!!" she screamed, and I heard a chair fall over as I stepped back at the sound of approaching footsteps. Uzi burst out of her hab with her bag slung over a shoulder seconds later, tears in her optics, but she froze just a few steps outside the threshold staring at the three of us. Doll didn't hesitate to step forwards and wrap Uzi into a hug, and she started crying immediately. I sent a DM to Doll and Lizzy.

Isekai_Protagonist: If we hurry, we can get her to your hab, >Lizzy, let her clean herself up a bit, eat something if she hasn't, and still make it to class on time.

Lizzy looked up at me, nodded, and then went up to Doll, whispered to her, and they began to lead Uzi down the hall, myself following them.

_________

We did get to class on time, barely , but between his apathy and being Lizzy's dad, I don't think the teacher would have actually cared if we were a minute or two late. Reminded me that I should really learn the dude's name. Seriously, how the fuck had it not come up in conversation before now?

Regardless, Uzi was just sitting despondent at her seat, optics dim and a frown on her face. Sighing, I revised a previous decision I'd made, and then opened up a DM to her.

Isekai_Protagonist: Hey Uzi.

Darkxwolf16: Joe?

Darkxwolf16: I'm not really in the mood to talk right now

Isekai_Protagonist: I got you a late birthday present. I was thinking of holding onto it until next year, but I think you need the pick-me-up now.

Uzi turned around in her seat to glance at me, an eyebrow emote raised.

Isekai_Protagonist: Just

Isekai_Protagonist: Don't share this one with anyone else.

Isekai_Protagonist: Promise?

Darkxwolf16: Share WHAT?

Isekai_Protagonist: Promise me first.

Darkxwolf16: Fine.

Darkxwolf16: I promise I won't share whatever it is.

Isekai_Protagonist: Thanks, Uzi.

Isekai_Protagonist: Just don't expect whatever I do get you next year to even come close to this.

Isekai_Protagonist: [has shared a file]

Isekai_Protagonist: Happy late birthday, Uzi.

There was a pause as Uzi downloaded the file, and then read the instructional text box I included with it. She completely froze in place a second later.

Darkxwolf16: Overclocking?

Darkxwolf16: Wait.

Darkxwolf16: Holy SHIT.

Darkxwolf16: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?

Isekai_Protagonist: Don't tell anyone, but I use it to cheat at literally everything.

Darkxwolf16: This is literally light-speed thinking!!! How LONG have you been sitting on this?!?

Isekai_Protagonist: Since about two weeks after waking up as me. Understanding social interaction in the moment is a bitch and a half, so having this to cheat at talking to people REALLY helps.

Isekai_Protagonist: Honestly, I really don't get why someone hasn't put something like this together sooner. We're robots. It literally took me about 2 weeks of downloading stuff on coding and Drone OS' off the internet archives to slap the first iteration of that program together.

Darkxwolf16: Wait. THIS is how you straight-face everything?

Isekai_Protagonist: Partly. This lets me beat out my instinctive reactions to anything, and then I can just slap a poker-face gif on my visor display, and then all I gotta do is work on schooling my mouth.

Darkxwolf16: Those occasional flickers I saw on your visor -- those were you overlocking and changing your expression halfway through it changing normally?

Isekai_Protagonist: There were noticeable flickers?

Darkxwolf16: Barely, and even after looking for them specifically, I still think I missed it a lot.

Isekai_Protagonist: I'll have to optimize the program a bit more, but yeah, I overclock a LOT in conversations. Hell, now that you have it, we could BOTH work on optimizing it. You're way more naturally inclined to tech stuff than I am.

Darkxwolf16: Holy crap. You were literally doing this ALL the time, weren't you?

Isekai_Protagonist: Totally. It's like, STUPIDLY abusable if you only run it a second or two at a time, because that second may as well be a minute or two with how fast you run while it's active. Only problem is the increased heat generation from running your systems so hard, but I've been optimizing that ever since my first iteration of the program. Used to only be able to run it for like 5 minutes straight before I'd start becoming a sweaty mess, and another 5 after that before I'd run the risk of actually damaging my internals. I've stretched that to a bit over an HOUR in less than a year, and about just as long again on risk of damage.

Isekai_Protagonist: Using it for like a second or two at a time though? Cooling down in between bouts of usage. It's effectively indefinite. And this is just for SOFTWARE. Once I get my teenage frame, I'm planning to code a version to affect hardware as well.

Uzi turned a bit, pretending to reach for something in her bag, but in actuality just so that she could just meet my own gaze.

Darkxwolf16: You.

Darkxwolf16: You're just.

Darkxwolf16: GIVING this to me?

Isekai_Protagonist: You looked like you needed something nice after the past couple days. And hey, now we can BOTH cheat at social interaction.

She sent me a glaring emoji.

Darkxwolf16: Why did you wait so long to give it to me? And why not give it to everyone?

Isekai_Protagonist: Would you really trust Lizzy with this kind of power? She wouldn't use it against either of us, but still…

Uzi sucked in a breath.

Darkxwolf16: No… yeah, should probably wait for her to mature a bit more before giving her that. You did great with that whole Machiavelli thing with her, but she's taken to it a BIT too well.

Isekai_Protagonist: You're also the only person I'd trust not to immediately start sharing this to other people. And Doll, but she's close enough to Lizzy that she might share it with JUST her, which means she's right out.

Darkxwolf16: Really? Doll?

Isekai_Protagonist: She strikes me as someone who can keep multiple dark secrets with everyone around her being none-the-wiser.

Darkxwolf16: You are SO weird, Joe.

Isekai_Protagonist: Tell me something I DON'T know, lol.

Darkxwolf16: I'm thinking up a program to hack into a Drone OS to possess people.

I sucked in a breath.

Isekai_Protagonist: I just gave you nice things.

Isekai_Protagonist: We're friends, right?

Isekai_Protagonist: You wouldn't use that on me?

Isekai_Protagonist: Right?

Uzi snickered.

Darkxwolf16: Dude.

Darkxwolf16: Chill.

Darkxwolf16: We're friends.

Darkxwolf16: And I know that it scares you shitless.

Darkxwolf16: I was thinking of using the Overclock you just gave me to finish it faster, plus to assist me when actually DOING it. That, and testing it on Braidon.

I blinked, and sighed. I got a confused glance from Doll, but I waved it off.

Isekai_Protagonist: Maybe not Braidon? Dude's been fucking MESSED UP ever since that Murder Drone broke in.

Darkxwolf16: Who then?

Isekai_Protagonist: Sam? He made you cry that one time. Plus, we could pass off anything weird as a bad magnet trip.

Darkxwolf16: You still remember that?

Isekai_Protagonist: I'm still kinda figuring out my personality even now, and I can hold some weird grudges.

Darkxwolf16: Huh.

Darkxwolf16: You know what? Sam can work.

Darkxwolf16: Hey Joe?

Isekai_Protagonist: Yeah?

Darkxwolf16: Thanks. Like, I can totally see why you would've wanted to keep this to yourself, but you passed it over anyways, just because I was feeling like total crap.

Darkxwolf16: I appreciate that.

Isekai_Protagonist: Nessun problema, signorina.

Darkxwolf16: Aaaaaaand, there's the Italian again.

Isekai_Protagonist: It adds to my roguish charm.

Darkxwolf16: You? Roguish? Yeah, right.

I smiled, knowing that Uzi would eat those words one day, because if there was anything I was doing in the background, it was being one hell of a rogue element in the timeline. Regardless, Uzi herself seemed to be in a way better mood, so I could consider my mission accomplished. Still, giving her the overclock program would probably have a big impact moving forwards. She'd be a right terror with anything technical (well, more so than she already would have been), as well as in a fight (because really, overclocking was basically an on-demand bullet-time, or like Spartan Time, for those familiar with Halo). Though, speeding up her ability to think would probably also mean she'd clock (ha!) onto me being an Isekai Protagonist sooner. Hopefully the cool shit I've given her and will give her between now and that inevitable day would mean she wouldn't hate me too much for keeping the truth from her.

________

Beyond the current fiasco that was Uzi's home life, I'd also been continuing progress on my lair. Beyond the basic stuff I'd been doing, the current "base" level, which I was thinking of dubbing "Vault 1," no longer looked like a warehouse with an industrial grade matter printer in the corner and a house sized cold fusion reactor recessed into the earth. I'd reworked the lights into something much more lively, and I'd replaced the walls, floors, and ceilings with Khan-grade materials. Ain't no Murder Drones breaking into this bunker, baby!

I'd also been drilling some space deeper into the earth for the second layer of my secret lair, the secret secret lair, that would be where I'd house my inner circle of drones I actually tell about my whole Isekai shtick, which I'd probably dub "Vault 2." Honestly, thinking about it, I could do something really funny where I build like six different "Vaults," but number them 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 7, making people think there's a 5th one they haven't found, except Vault 5 doesn't actually exist . That would be fucking hilarious , and right in line with my typical form of unhinged humor. Beyond digging the space for a second vault, back in the first one, I used some Khan-tier stuff to set up a temporary firing range, that would serve as a testing ground for any weapons I came up with until I could actually build a proper armory and full-on firing range. I could do a lot of work without tiring, and was able to operate all kinds of construction machinery to assist myself in building (gods help the Solver, because I was forklift certified , bitches!), but I was doing all this shit alone, which limited the speed I could work at. Hmmmm… I already had half a mind to do Mechanicus LARP at some point, maybe when I got my teenage frame, I could build in some retractable mechadendrites? Extra limbs that I could attach weapons to might come in handy. Then again, I'd need to be able to fit them inside my frame, and also get them around any clothes I might wear without tearing them. Something to consider for the future, maybe.

In addition to that, I'd moved most of my stored oil over to here, leaving a decent amount at home in the safe under the bed in the (unoccupied) dead parent's room for emergencies. Even though I had an injection vial and another vial on top of that hidden in my coat at all times, it was better to have some of those closer than the ass end of the Bunker, you know? I'd also begun construction of a second industrial-grade matter printer, one that I could and would probably dedicate to the production of oil. The fact that I could use the first one to print larger, more complex parts than the personal printer could make was making progress insanely faster on that front, so I'd likely have the thing ready before my 8th birthday… or well, the 8th birthday of the kid who's body I was possessing. Man, I still felt shitty about that, even if I had no real choice in the matter. Hopefully I could make it up to Andrew by keeping Kelsey alive in this timeline. Regardless of my own moral dilemmas, while I had the power to spare, I wasn't sure if I wanted to get started on a third industrial printer after the second was done, solely because the first one was already exceeding my production needs in everything except oil for the time being. Plus, it would probably be better to put the 3rd one in Vault 2 once it was done.

Beyond my construction progress, after training with my entrenching tool for an hour, and then getting bored with my latest bout of flashbanging myself to try and find that sweet spot for bootlooping motherfuckers ( another hour of making my optics hate me with no luck), I decided to go test some guns instead, since shooting stuff was always cathartic. Using a bunch of heat-resistant super durable ceramics mixed in with titanium to make up the frame and give the gun the kind of durability that would let me beat someone to death with it and then keep shooting it afterwards, I'd made a shotgun that was rated to handle temperatures of up to 3.5k degrees Celsius, without melting or warping the internals. It was a pump action (because that shit was just cool , and had less delicate parts that could melt or warp, though I probably would try build a semi-auto variant later) that could fit ten of the shells I was using, each one stuffed with Uzi's custom mixture that I'd conceptualized and that she actually refined into something workable. The shells themselves had two distinct components: tungsten carbide flechettes for armor piercing capabilities, and an incendiary component that used magnesium as a primer to set off an aluminum and iron-oxide mixture, which produced an oxidation-reduction reaction, in this specific case also known as a thermite reaction, in turn super-heating the tungsten carbide. Effectively, the shells would fire out 2.8k degree (Celsius, or 5k Fahrenheit) darts of insanely hot armor piercing metal along with a short-range cloud of oxidized hellfire. This shit absolutely violated both of the Hague Conventions and the Geneva Conventions, but both of those places were currently inside a fucking [NULL], so I couldn't really care less. I was not pulling any punches when it came to the Solver or Murder Drones, that was for sure.

Anyways, my tests running the numbers and simulating it on a computer told me my current iteration of the shotgun itself could fire these shells for a couple hours straight before I'd need to do maintenance, so I grabbed a bandolier I'd printed, some extra loose shells to put in a pocket (and a mental reminder to remember to put them back before I left), and the gun itself, and headed down to my temporary firing range, where I had the empty body of a drone that I'd fabricated to simulate how this shit would actually affect a semi-proper target (kinda hard to make a murder drone, after all). Had I essentially built a soulless shell of one of my own people, and subsequently intended to shoot the shit out of it? Yes, but I also made damn sure not to actually put in any bits of hardware that would actually allow the thing to run or be alive, so it was kinda the equivalent of flash-cloning a human body but without a brain. Though in this case, it was ethical concerns on my part as much as not wanting to risk a fucking practice target becoming a Zombie Drone. I slotted a shell inside, stood 6 meters from my target, got into a firing stance, activated a targeting program I'd partially downloaded off the internet, and partially coded myself, and synced the really tiny computer in the gun to my HUD, getting a targeting reticle that showed exactly where I was aiming the barrel at. I also had a program that would automatically help me adjust my aim to remain on my chosen target. Which, yes, was literally aim-assist, but on whatever I was actually aiming at rather than just the target in general. Man, I really was cheating at literally everything.

I took a completely unnecessary breath, started a quick recording, sighted down the gun, straight at center mass on my target, and muttered, "War Crime Shotgun Test Number 1, Target: Empty Drone Shell. Distance: Six Meters. Begin Test." I overclocked to be able to observe the test in the best detail possible.

I pulled the trigger.

The shotgun bucked and roared . I'd definitely have to adjust for recoil, because one, that was a bitch , and two, ouch . Something to work into my design ideas for an improved teenage frame, that was for sure.

Still, the upper torso of the target drone shell was eviscerated , the body knocked down as limbs went flying, thermite hissing as it melted away at whatever was left before being halted by the Khan-grade stuff I'd bordered the entire range with.

I lowered the barrel and stared in stupefaction at the carnage I'd just caused. Yeah, Murder Drones would be way more durable than this, but "Holy shit ," I muttered.

I cut the recording, and then glanced down at my shotgun, starting to inspect it but not finding any signs of obvious damage. I'd obviously have to take the thing apart to inspect it in detail, and I'd have to test firing a ton of shells in rapid succession to see how the current prototype handled that , but this was gonna fuck people up when I used it on them. I started chuckling, and when I realized I was in a soundproof secret lair in a part of Outpost 3 that literally no one else has been to in years , it advanced to full-on evil cackling.

This was just the start of the weapons I planned to make. I was fucking cooking, and this shit felt glorious!

Another day, another bout of sitting in a cafeteria and getting in basic levels of socialization in between my bouts of plotting to save the world (and possibly take it over afterwards, because who doesn't want to take over the world sometimes?). My own birthday (of a sort) was starting to roll up, and it actually wasn't on a school day, so I planned to do basically fuck-all the whole day, just relaxing and doing the best equivalent I could to sleeping in, which, you know, a little extra sleep beyond what I needed wouldn't actually do anything for me, but it felt nice, and was one of a very small number of things I was actually thankful for JCJ programming into us. Just, take a break from all the Isekai shit and have a day with a total lack of responsibilities. Play me some Bloodborne on my Xbox 3600, maybe. Regardless, I was just letting the conversations around me pass me by as I took a couple minutes to chill out and listen to On Little Cat Feet from the OneShot OST (still missed you, Niko, wherever you are in the multiverse. Hope you're enjoying some pancakes with your mom right now) with my internal speakers. It was a nice day in the bunker, a positively balmy negative four degrees celsius, and the sun was actually shining bright outside, and so the WDF was doing external maintenance to Door 1 while they had the opportunity.

Among the multiple conversational topics I was intermittently tuning in and out of, I heard Lizzy's voice asking, "Hey Dolly, do you want to try braiding your hair?"

Doll glanced over at Lizzy. " Sure, " she said.

"Braiding hair?" I asked, actually curious. Yeah, I could go download a guide on how to do it instantly, but every now and then, I liked to actually learn things.

I got several looks from the drones at the table, as if they thought I was a nutcase (which I was). "You're… actually interested in that?" Lizzy asked me.

I shrugged. "I've already admitted to watching My Little Pony and actually enjoying it. I give zero shits about gender norms. We don't even have genitals or sexual dimorphism. Gender is literally a social construct and a matter of preference for Worker Drones." Like, I could actually just go home, change my voice and my mannerisms, flip my OS ID to female, and that would be that. Honestly, while I hadn't actually gone to confirm it or not, because it wasn't really my business, I had a gut feeling that Sam was trans-masc himself. Not a headcanon or anything, it was just the impression I got from him in this timeline. Huh, did planning to jack his OS with Uzi make me transphobic? It definitely made me an asshole, but unlike being labeled a bigot, that was something I could live with without guilt. Remember folks, you can't be a bigot if you hate everyone equally. That's just being misanthropic… misdronethropic? Whatever.

Doll and Lizzy looked at each other, Doll shrugged, and then Lizzy looked back at me. "Alright, come here then."

I was going to ask a question, and then remembered that we ate metal and wires, and that stuff didn't actually make crumbs that could get in our hair, so I just shrugged and moved over, and watched as Lizzy started to explain, splitting Doll's hair into three separate strands, and starting to loop one over two of them, and then over just one of them, and repeating as she kept lengthening the braid.

"So like, not from a gender standpoint, but why are you interested?" Lizzy asked me.

"I mean, vikings used to do it, and they were cool as hell. Also, I'm literally the only other person besides Doll with hair currently long enough to make a decent length braid with."

" Vikings ?" Doll asked, optics turning to the side to try and look at me without twisting her head.

"Old Norse warriors from the region of Scandinavia from the day's of Earth's Dark and Middle Ages in Europe. Famed raiders and seafarers. Some cool history to read with them, and Norse mythology in general."

" You really are obsessed with old Earth History, " Doll commented. " You have hours of historical facts about humans before they started properly space-faring buried in those processors of yours, don't you?"

"It's cool stuff. And sometimes, you find tidbits where reality actually is stranger than fiction." I replied. I didn't miss Uzi flick her gaze over to me in the background, likely overclocking herself. I overclocked in turn, and then decided that this was looking to be a good setup to drop another Isekai crumb

"Still," Lizzy said, "it's like there's just an arbitrary point in human history where you don't care about anything that happened afterwards."

" Non lo so ," I said with a shrug, "It's just that I don't really feel personally connected to anything after 2025. Stuff's still interesting, but not personally interesting, you know?" I said.

" Huh, " Doll remarked, leaning forwards as Lizzy finished the braid, taking out a pocket mirror to take a look at it, and smiling.

Before she could add anything else to that, Kelsey dropped into the conversation. "Hey Joe?"

I looked over. "Yeah?"

"Are you planning anything for your birthday?"

I blinked a couple times. She didn't mean my birthday, but even then, the day I woke up-- oooooooooooh , Andrew's birthday, which would be my legal birthday here, was a bit before V's attack, and that meant it was sooner than I thought.

"Not really," I remarked. "Just intended to relax for the day."

"Really?" Rebecca asked, butting into the conversation herself. "You weren't planning a party or anything?"

"Nah," I said. "Just wanted to take a break for the day, maybe hang out, sleep in, whatever."

"Take a break from what?" Uzi piped up.

"I'm a busy drone," I said with a grin as I looked her in the optics. And now that I was paying attention, and overclocked myself, despite both our efforts to mitigate it, there was a flicker on her optics when she did it. Though at this point, it was small enough that you'd have to be overclocked yourself to notice it at all.

"With what ?" Thad asked. "The busiest I've seen you is hanging out with me and Darren and practicing on that part of our track you converted into a parkour course."

"Secret stuff," I said, grin growing.

"What secret stuff?" Darren prodded.

"~It's a seeeeeecret !~" I sing-songed.

"You are so weird sometimes," Lizzy told me.

"Thanks!" I said, grin growing to shit-eating proportions. "I work really hard to pull it off the way I do."

"That wasn't a compliment!" she barked.

"I know," I said.

Lizzy half-clenched her hands and her left optic twitched. "Then why are you acting like it is?!?"

I started laughing. "Because it's funny to see you get flustered."

Her mouth opened a bit as she started at me, pink lines creeping up on the bottom of her visor displaying her embarrassment at having been played like a fiddle. I started laughing harder. Then stopped as I heard Doll start to giggle herself.

Lizzy slowly turned to her, a betrayed expression on her face. "Et tu, Dolly?"

Doll started laughing harder, and I joined her. "I hate you both ," the blonde pouted.

"Don't," I had to stop talking to laugh some more, "Don't think I didn't notice that latin, Liz. You really took to Machiavelli, didn't you?"

Lizzy buried her face in her palms. " Hate ," she said, "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate." Doll started laughing so hard that she had to lean on Uzi to avoid falling off the bench. I just kept chuckling as I took in the scene.

This… This right here, these kids being happy, enjoying teasing each other, getting to know them, being their friend. This was worth fighting for. This was worth busting my ass in the middle of the night every single day to build shit or make guns, to flashbang myself for hours on end to find the bootloop frequency, to slit my palms and siphon my own oil, to push myself out of my introverted comfort zone. And I had to overclock myself for a moment to hide my surprise as a realization hit me in the feels with the same force Truck-kun hits unfortunate otakus and salarymen with. I was gonna fight for this . Not just because I didn't want to die-- though that was still a pretty fucking big reason, because like, I'm immortal in the aging sense now, so I really didn't want to get murdered by Sky Demons or Robot Cthulhu Satan --but because I wanted to keep these people, my friends , safe. This was worth the sweat, oil, and stress. They were worth the sweat, oil, and stress. Seeing them safe, seeing them happy , made me feel good about myself, made me happy. And that? That felt like some damn fucking satisfying character growth for me.

May whatever gods presided over this reality have mercy on anyone who tried to hurt any of these kids, because I was gonna fuck them up if they thought they could even try to do it on my watch.