Chapter 34: OATH Under the Snow

The long night passed. Illya, who lacked outdoor survival experience, had already finished all the meat and water Shirou left behind.

"This idiot," Shirou was speechless.

Not only that, she had quickly entered a new round of battle again.

The evil spirits came in many forms, not worth listing one by one. Illya's combat experience had improved significantly in a short period.

Though her actions were reckless, one had to admit, she had extraordinary talent.

After fighting for half a day, just when Shirou suspected she might be made of iron, she finally found some spare time to rest.

The Einzbern wilderness forest was indeed dangerous.

But this was also because Illya was the Lesser Grail, which seemingly attracted evil spirits more easily.

"Whew~", Illya rubbed her hands. Because of the battles, her little dress was somewhat torn. Her hat, leaking wind from all sides, had been thrown away.

Now, she was terribly thirsty, and her stomach was empty.

She wanted to eat the food Berserker made. She wanted to drink the soup he cooked… She just had to use a Command Seal, 'But… do I still have that right?'

She hugged her knees and thought sadly.

'Clearly, it was me who abandoned Berserker. What right do I have to ask anything from him?'

Besides, Illya had already said she wouldn't rely on anyone anymore. So, her little fists clenched.

'I have to endure!"

'As long as I make it back to the Einzbern castle.'

'But… so thirsty!', Illya frowned, looking at the snow, tilting her head.

When Shirou drank water, he almost spat it out, 'What is she doing?'

He saw Illya bury her head in the snow, bite off a large mouthful, her cheeks puffed like a balloon.

"Mm!"

"So cold!"

She coughed from the chill.

"Why do you have to be this cute at a time like this," Shirou wanted to laugh, but didn't.

His lips flattened as he calmly observed.

As long as Illya didn't use the Command Seal, he wouldn't act.

Another day of hunger and cold passed.

———

At night, Illya encountered a troublesome situation.

A combination of many evil spirits turned into a powerful one.

In the past, it might have just taken some effort, but now, she had to use all her strength to defeat it, and she was left with no power to resist afterward.

"Why not use the Command Seal yet?", Shirou didn't understand, his eyes flickering.

When one's life was in danger, relying on another's power was not shameful.

'Aren't you determined to win the Holy Grail War, to go to Fuyuki City?'

'How can you do that without relying on your Servant?'

At a critical moment, her magical circuits appeared. Shirou focused.

This was the precursor to using a Command Seal.

Yet, mid-sentence, Illya gritted her teeth and ran.

'Huh? Why run now?', Shirou pondered.

'Even now, she still doens't want to use the Command Seal?'

———

"Huff, huff… No, I can't!", Illya, forcing herself not to use the Command Seal, ran while dodging evil spirits.

"It was Illya who chose to abandon Berserker. How could she…"

Boom!

An evil spirit appeared from the side and nearly hit her. For some reason, the attack missed.

Even so, the impact sent Illya tumbling miserably through the snow.

"Persistent bastards," Illya gritted her teeth, using mana beyond her limits to run far away.

In the distance, Shirou lowered his bow and sighed.

He was such a stubborn person. At this kind of moment, he clearly just had to appear, Illya wouldn't say anything. Might even be happy. But he just didn't want to appear like that, as if it would cheapen him.

'It shouldn't be like this.'

———

On the third day, Illya, who had reached the end of her rope, collapsed in the snow once again.

This time, Shirou took no action, just stared at her.

An hour later, Illya woke up, looked around, seeming a bit lost.

She even looked like she might cry. But she quickly adjusted herself and continued forward.

This was the road back. Slowly, slowly, she'd gone halfway in a day.

There were no more evil spirits nearby.

They were either cleared by Shirou or already killed by Illya.

———

At night, Illya took off her tattered purple dress, leaving only a thin white underdress.

She leaned against a tree, covering herself with the warmer purple dress, thinking that would help her stay warm.

The next morning when she woke up, her only warm clothing had been blown away by the wind.

Because the snow was too thick, she couldn't find it.

Illya looked around blankly, pursed her lips, and continued walking.

"Just a bit more… soon… soon, I'll be back…", She said that, but in only half a day, Illya collapsed again. Her body had reached its limit.

When she woke up again, she continued dragging her tired body forward, her mind starting to blur.

During that time, she encountered a weak evil spirit but was nearly killed.

———

The next day, the snow fell heavier.

Climbing out of the snow, Illya's mind was completely sluggish.

"Where is this…"

Fortunately, it only lasted a few seconds, and she recovered.

"That's right, this is a trial. Just a bit more. A bit more and I'll be back. As long as I pass this trial… I can enter the Holy Grail War."

"Berserker?", she asked herself.

"Seems like I abandoned him! It's fine. Though I feel bad for Berserker… I'll just summon another Servant," Illya stumbled forward, comforting herself.

"Sella said I should summon that great hero from Greek mythology. I heard he's the strongest Servant. He must be… stronger than Berserker, right?"

"Berserker…", Illya thought hazily, recalling Berserker wearing an apron.

Recalling the food he made, suddenly she pursed her lips, "I'm sorry, Berserker…"

"Ow, it hurts!", Illya lifted her foot.

It was bleeding, contrasting sharply against her cold white skin. Her shoes had long since disappeared on the road.

Now, except for her dress, she didn't even have the strength to use magic.

"Don't be afraid… don't be afraid…"

Illya hugged her arms, softly comforting herself, "Almost there… almost there…"

"Awoo~"

Illya's frail body trembled. She turned her head.

From the woods behind, wolves emerged one after another, about a dozen by estimate.

Illya's eyes filled with fear.

"Why… at this time…"

The wolves gave her no chance. They pounced directly, as if seeing her as so weak she wasn't worth caution.

After barely killing two wolves, facing more, Illya felt exhausted and powerless.

"Why? Why won't you leave me alone!", She kept running, giving it everything.

On a slope, a wolf bit her skirt and tackled her down.

"No! Don't come near!"

Illya curled up as much as she could. Her arms, thighs, and body were quickly bitten, blood pouring out.

"It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! Why is it always me! Why is it always Illya who gets abandoned! Why?", She hugged herself in pain.

She recalled the promise with her father before he left, recalled Irisviel's gentle head pats, remembered Sella, silly Liz, and… Berserker.

"That's right… because Illya abandoned them too," At that moment, her hands lost all strength, and Illya gave up resisting.

"I… want to live."

The sky was covered in shadow. The wolves biting her suddenly fell silent.

Looking up, Shirou was squatting in front of her.

"Berserker…"

"I won't make a move."

Shirou's expression was calm. His golden-brown eyes reflected the snow and her.

"Then why…"

"Unless you use a Command Seal."

That was their exchange.

The wolves were frightened by Shirou's aura. Realizing he didn't move and only protected Illya, they prepared to pounce again.

After waiting a moment, seeing he really didn't move, roar, they attacked again.

This time, they bit directly at Shirou.

In an instant, the clean clothes he'd worn these days were torn, blood splattered.

"Berserker!!", Illya screamed.

Shirou looked at her, "Why don't you use the Command Seal?"

"This kind of thing…"

Illya turned her head away painfully, "Fight back, Berserker!"

"Why don't you use it? You know very well, as long as you use a Command Seal, whether I want to or not, I will appear in front of you. Why won't you?"

"If you used it, maybe I'd hate you even more," Shirou said calmly. A large chunk of flesh from his back was torn away.

What exactly was the feeling Shirou held for the Illya before him? He couldn't fully understand, 'Is it because she is Illya that I want to protect her?'

'Don't lie to yourself with that answer.'

He knew, this wasn't his sister. This was another Emiya Shirou's sister. He knew very well. He even just now thought, 'It might be fine if she dies here?'

'If she dies, maybe I can go back.'

But still, he couldn't do it.

That's right. A person named Emiya Shirou, toward Illya, no matter which Illya, wanted to save her.

But…

"Answer me, Illya! Why won't you use the Command Seal?"

"This kind of thing…", Illya bit her lower lip, "What's the point? At this rate, even a Servant will die," she questioned.

Tears already welled in her eyes.

"Then just abandon me! You can summon another Servant anyway."

"No!", Illya refused.

"Why not?"

"No reason. Just no. Illya now commands—"

"That's right. Just like that, order me to fight. That's enough…"

"Berserker!!", Tears finally burst out.

"Why? Why? Why? Why are you forcing me?"

"I clearly decided, I wouldn't rely on anyone. I could do everything alone… so why are you standing in front of me, forcing me! Forcing Illya to make a choice?"

She shouted, sobbing, "Illy-Illya doesn't want to abandon you! I don't want you to die! So, hurry and fight!"

Her voice was trembling with sobs.

Looking at the tearful Illya, Shirou remained unmoved. Right now, his body was a bloody mess.

Even speaking, he had to resist the Command Seal's pull with all his might.

But it still wasn't enough.

"Illya!"

"What else do you want to say?"

Illya feared Shirou was truly going to die, "I already said, I don't want you to die! I want you to live! Why won't you move?"

"Then say it out loud!"

"What do you want Illya to say?"

"I want to protect Illya."

Shirou said, "I was summoned without any wish to fulfill. Because my wish… was already decided the moment I saw you. I will protect you until the end. So say it, Illya."

"I don't understand! What do you want Illya to say?", Looking at him, tears blurred her vision.

So Berserker truly wanted to protect her of his own will.

"You know," Shirou said, "you definitely know. There's something you want to say. So say it boldly."

"Even so… even so…", Illya raised her hand and tightly grabbed Shirou's chest.

Shirou looked straight at her, "Say it, Illya!"

"I… I want to live!", Just like birds who choose to fly with all their strength. Not because they can fly, but because they must fly.

"I want to live together with Berserker… go to Fuyuki together… win the Holy Grail together… and the most most most most important thing is, I want you to be my support, Berserker!"

Crystalline tears adorned the white snow, burning with passion.

An emotion even magic circuits and drained blood couldn't bring.

Her circuits flared, "Even if it hurts, it doesn't matter, kill them all, Berserker!"

BOOM!

Golden lightning fell from the sky, mana rampaged.

Nearby hills collapsed, wolves vanished in a blaze of magical energy.

Snow melted, the earth opened a crater.

Inside, unharmed, Shirou crouched, shielding Illya.

Illya clutched his clothes, eyes moist, voice soft, "Can I really rely on you, Berserker?"

"Even though I said so many awful things, did so many terrible things… hated you, denied you, even ordered you, can someone like me really rely on you?"

"Of course. From now on, I'll never leave you alone."

The answer was already decided. Shirou picked her up, "Let's go home."

"Mm."

Illya leaned into his chest.

'So warm… truly… it feels like I have someone to rely on."

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