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Chapter 12

Amanda

Beautiful Mandy. The phrase runs on a loop through my mind as I lie in my darkened bedroom and try to drift off to sleep.

Like every night before coming to bed, I checked on Jase. Tonight, I spent a few extra minutes marveling at my son, watching his small body, and covering him with his blanket as he dreamt about whatever it is he dreams. It hurts sometimes at how much I love him, how much I want to keep him safe and secure. There’s a mother bear inside me that loves when he’s in his bed hibernating because I know it’s a haven. I know he’s safe. Yet I can’t keep him there. I have to let him live and spread his wings. No matter how hard I wish otherwise, Jase is growing up, and I can’t make it stop. It’s hard to believe that tomorrow is his last day at ABC Preschool.

How has time moved this fast? It seems like yesterday when he was born, when Jackson was holding his pink and wrinkled little body.