I Should Hate You

---

📖 Until You Beg

Chapter Seven – I Should Hate You

By Peace Lovie

---

Zariah didn't speak to him for three days.

Not because she was angry.

She was afraid—of what she felt.

Afraid of how she could look him in the eyes and still crave the same lips that lied.

Afraid that her father's ghost might whisper,

> "You're falling for the man who killed me."

And yet…

Her heart didn't listen to ghosts.

It only listened to Cassian.

---

He called once.

Then twice.

She didn't answer.

On the third day, he showed up at her apartment. No guards. No car. Just him—standing in the hallway, dressed in black, eyes tired.

"I know you don't want to see me," he said when she opened the door, "but I can't let you walk away without understanding something."

She didn't invite him in.

He stepped inside anyway.

---

Cassian stopped a few feet from her, like getting closer might set them both on fire.

"I was twenty-eight when I met your father," he said. "We built something real. Not legal—but real. He was brilliant. Reckless. Loyal to a fault."

He swallowed hard.

"But then he made enemies. He took money that didn't belong to him. Promised things he couldn't pay back. I begged him to fix it, to clean it up before they came."

Zariah's voice was ice.

"You mean before you turned him in."

"I gave him a chance," Cassian said. "I told him what would happen. He didn't listen."

Zariah laughed once—sharp, painful.

"And now I'm supposed to believe you cared?"

Cassian stepped closer.

"I still care."

---

His voice was low. Honest. Too honest.

Zariah hated how her pulse reacted.

"I should hate you," she whispered.

"I know."

"You destroyed him."

"I saved you."

That stopped her.

"What?"

Cassian's jaw clenched.

"The people coming after your father… they weren't just going to kill him. They were going to erase his bloodline. That included you."

Zariah blinked.

"You're lying."

"I hid your name. Buried it. Paid for you to disappear."

She backed away. Shaking her head. "No. You're twisting this."

"I protected you," he said, voice rising now. "I did the one thing he didn't—I made sure you lived."

---

Silence cracked between them.

Raw. Loud. Terrifying.

Zariah's breath was shallow.

Her chest burned with hate. With need. With something worse than both—longing.

"Do you feel better now?" she whispered. "Knowing you were the hero of your own story?"

Cassian looked at her like she was a wound he couldn't stop touching.

"No," he said. "I feel like a man who lost the only person who ever made him want to be clean."

---

The words struck like lightning.

And Zariah… moved.

She didn't plan it.

She didn't think.

She just closed the space between them and grabbed his collar—

And kissed him.

---

It wasn't soft.

It wasn't sweet.

It was war.

Their mouths collided like punishment. Her nails dug into his skin. His hands gripped her waist like he had no right—but every desire.

He kissed her like he wanted her to forget.

She kissed him like she never would.

---

He pulled away first, breath ragged.

"You shouldn't want this," he murmured.

"I don't," she whispered back.

And still—her hands were on him.

He pressed his forehead to hers.

"We're poison."

"I've swallowed worse."

Cassian groaned.

And then he lifted her—just like that—hands under her thighs, her legs around his waist, and walked her backward toward the wall.

She gasped when her back hit it.

He kissed her again. Slower now. Deep. Bruising.

Like he didn't care what she remembered—only what she felt.

---

Clothes stayed on.

Barely.

Hands wandered.

Mouths whispered truths between gasps.

> "I hate you…"

"No, you don't…"

"You ruined everything…"

"I'd ruin it again…"

---

They didn't make love.

They made destruction.

And it felt like home.

---

Later, when she was lying on the couch in one of his shirts, staring at the ceiling, Zariah finally asked the question she was afraid of.

"Was it worth it?"

Cassian looked at her from across the room.

"What?"

"Turning him in. Choosing your empire. Was it worth what you lost?"

He didn't answer right away.

And then—

"No," he said.

Zariah closed her eyes.

Not because it hurt.

Because it meant there was still more to lose.

---