Self reminiscence(1)

Floyd slumped into the chair, his face downcast, the weight of the world pressing on him. His mind was a storm of chaos. His past life, his current life both felt worse than the other.

He had thought that he would live freely, according to his own desires, but here he was, reincarnated into a weak and fragile body. One that couldn't even fight off a simple monster. The thought of his inadequacy gnawed at him, consuming him.

Loneliness and depression overwhelmed him. It was like a constant, suffocating weight in his chest, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake it.

Creak...

The door creaked open, and Floyd's expression darkened even more. He didn't want anyone disturbing him right now.

"Go away. I don't want anyone in here"

He said coldly, not even bothering to look up at whoever had entered.

But it was Lily, standing in the doorway, her face filled with concern. She had always been the one to care for him, to stay by his side, no matter what.

"Young master, please don't say that."

Lily said softly, her voice trembling with emotion.

"I know better than anyone how hard you've been working. I've seen you push yourself in the training hall, trying tirelessly to improve. I've seen you make changes in your life. I've seen you work harder than anyone I know."

Floyd's frustration boiled over. He didn't want anyone's pity. Especially not hers. He didn't need to be reminded of his failures.

"Go away..."

He muttered, his voice barely above a whisper, the words laced with resentment.

But Lily didn't leave. She stepped forward, her presence a quiet insistence.

"Do you remember when I was about to be sold to the illegal slave market? You were the one who saved me. You were the one who extended your warm hand to me. You were the first person to ever show me kindness. You are my one and only master, and I am not only loyal to you, but I care for you deeply."

Floyd's mind flashed with fragments of memories, glimpses of the life this body once had. It was all there, buried deep in his subconscious. He could feel it, the warmth of kindness, the purity of the past.

Lily's words hit him harder than he expected.

"Do you remember when I had nowhere else to go, you stroked my hair and told me I could live with you. You told me to take care of you, to stay by your side."

Floyd's heart twisted in his chest as memories of the original body surged. The kindness, the protection, the warmth he had been craving. But unlike him, Floyd had found a loyal companion, a faithful person who cared for him even when everything else seemed lost.

"You have always protected me, even when I was a child. You protected me from those bullying maids who used to overwork me. You were the one who thawed my frozen heart. You are someone I deeply care about. Even if the world hates you, even if your family discards you, I will always be by your side. I will always be your maid."

Her hands reached up, cupping his face gently. She smiled, her warmth radiating from her touch.

"Do you remember it?"

She asked softly.

Floyd felt the conflict rise inside him. His heart wanted to believe her, to trust her. But after everything, after the betrayal and the pain, could he?

He stared at her, his eyes cold, but deep inside, something was shifting. The memories flooded him of his past life. He couldn't forget what had happened before.

***********

I had a girlfriend once, back when I was still alive..

Her name was Leona. Beautiful, caring and kind. At least, that's what I thought.

She had recently gone through a breakup, and I, ever the kind-hearted fool, was there to console her. Slowly, over time, I started to develop feelings for her. I tried everything to make her like me. I did whatever she asked, never questioning it. I didn't realize it back then, but I was just her lapdog, running to her every whim, wagging my tail like a fool.

One day, my friend warned me, "She's using you, man. She doesn't care about you. She's just taking advantage of you."

I didn't listen. I told him he was jealous, that I was just being patient, that one day she'd see my worth.

But I should have listened.

It was Valentine's Day. I had saved up five months' worth of my salary to buy her an expensive ring, and I bought a bouquet of flowers too. I thought it was the perfect moment.

"Will you marry me?"

She looked at the ring, her face pale.

"I'm sorry. My father will never accept our relationship."

"Please give me a chance. I'll work harder. I'll make it work."

I begged in front of her. Trying everything I could to make her accept me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!! I'll do anything to make this work!"

But then, I went to her house one day, to surprise her with a gift. What I saw was a betrayal beyond anything I'd ever imagined.

Leona was in bed with her ex.

"Ahh, so good..."

She moaned, her eyes closed as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Her ex laughed, "The ring was worth quite a bit of money, don't you think? We've really outdone ourselves."

"Ahh, he's such a simp. I wonder what he'll... buy me next."

It was my first taste of true betrayal.

I had been kind. I had worked so hard, tried so hard. But kindness had no place in this cruel world.

And I kept thinking. I kept hoping. Things would get better. That maybe one day I'd get happiness.

But no. That night, when I was coming home from work, I was in a car accident. People swarmed around me, but not a single person helped. They just watched, like it was some sick play.

Liar... liars... all of you...

**********

Floyd pulled his hand away from Lily's. His expression was cold, like the chill of winter. His eyes, once full of emotion, were now void of any trust.

"Go the fuck away."

He said, his voice sharp and harsh. Lily recoiled, stunned by the animosity in his voice.

"Young mast—"

"Fuck you!"

Floyd yelled, his anger seeping through.

"GO AWAY!"

He stood up abruptly and threw the chair, sending it crashing to the ground with a loud bang.

"I don't remember anything! WHO ARE YOU?! WHO ARE YOU?! Why the fuck are you so kind to him? I did the same damn thing. Why do I get to suffer, huh? I don't remember you! Get the fuck out."

Lily took a step back, her heart breaking at the raw hatred he was spewing.

"Young master—"

"If you don't leave right now, I swear I'll kill you. Get out."

Lily stood frozen, her heart in pieces, but she didn't move. She had never seen him like this before. And somehow, she knew… this wasn't really him. So she had to calm him down.