Lost in the Middle

Days passed in the city. Samora tried to focus on her studies, but her thoughts always seemed to drift back to Xior. After classes, he would find her in the hallway or outside in the courtyard. He smiled at her and made jokes. Sometimes, when no one was watching, he would take her hand or pull her close and kiss her. Each time, Samora's heart would beat faster. She liked being near him, but sometimes she felt nervous or unsure.

Xior never spoke about his feelings. When Samora tried to ask him what he wanted, he would just laugh and shake his head. "Don't worry so much," Xior would say, brushing off her questions. He talked about his classes, his big dreams for the future, or the city itself, but never about them. He never told her that he liked her or wanted to be with her. Samora wondered if he cared for her the way she cared for him, but she did not have the courage to ask again.

One afternoon, Samora saw Xior sitting alone, reading a letter. She noticed the handwriting. It was from Hadena. Xior smiled as he read the letter, then quickly put it away when Samora came near. Samora asked, "Who wrote to you?" Xior said it was just a friend from home and changed the subject.

Another time, Samora found Xior writing a letter in his notebook. She saw Hadena's name at the top of the page. Xior covered the paper and told her not to look. "It's nothing important," he said, but Samora could see he was hiding something.

One weekend, Samora was walking near the post office. She saw Xior and a girl who had come from Mirath. It was Hadena, visiting the city with some older relatives. Samora watched from a distance. She saw Hadena give Xior a small piece of gold, wrapped in cloth. Xior took it and put it in his pocket. Hadena looked around to make sure no one saw them. Samora guessed Hadena's parents didn't know she had given the gold to Xior.

Samora felt a strange pain in her chest. She pictured Xior and Hadena together in Mirath, smiling and talking, just like before. Even though Hadena was far away most of the time, Samora could not stop thinking about them. She walked away slowly, but the picture of Xior and Hadena together stayed in her mind.

After that, Samora began to notice more things. Xior never wanted to be with her if people from Mirath were nearby. He only kissed her when they were alone, in quiet streets or at the very back of the library. Sometimes, when she asked about Hadena, Xior would get annoyed. "Don't ask so many questions," he would say. "Just enjoy the time we have." His words made her feel small, as if her feelings did not matter.

Samora tried to tell herself that it did not matter. She liked being with Xior. She liked the way he made her laugh and the feeling of his hand in hers. The kisses made her feel special, even though everything else felt confusing. But at night, when she was alone in her small room, the questions came back again and again. She did not know what kind of relationship this was. Was she just a friend? Was she someone important to him? Or was she just a secret?

Xior kept coming to her. He smiled and made her laugh. He still kissed her when they were alone. Samora tried to believe that was enough, but the questions did not leave her mind. Each day, she watched Xior act like nothing was wrong, as if he could be with both her and Hadena and nothing would change. Samora felt lost. She could not talk to her aunty about it. She did not want to worry her mother back home. She tried to keep her feelings inside, but they grew heavier every day.

Sometimes, Samora would sit on her bed and remember the girls' voices from Mirath, the way they spoke about Xior and Hadena as if it was the most normal thing in the world. She wondered if Xior ever thought about how she might feel, if he ever thought of her when he was writing letters to Hadena or taking gifts from her.

One night, Samora could not sleep. She lay awake, listening to the sounds of the city outside her window. She missed her home, where things were simple and clear. Here, nothing made sense. She pulled out her mother's letter and read it again, hoping the words would bring her comfort. Her mother wrote about the fields, about family, and told Samora to trust her heart. Samora wanted to listen, but her heart felt tired and confused.

The next day, Xior found her after class. He smiled and pulled her into a quiet corner. He kissed her quickly, then laughed as if nothing was wrong. Samora wanted to ask him about Hadena, but the words would not come out. Xior talked about a party he wanted to go to, about his studies, about everything except their relationship.

After Xior left, Samora sat alone for a long time. She watched the other students laugh and talk with their friends. She felt like she was standing outside a window, watching a life that was not hers.

Days went by like this. Xior kept coming to her, kept kissing her when no one could see. Samora tried to pretend she was happy. She told herself she was lucky to have someone like Xior, but inside she knew something was wrong. She did not want to be a secret. She did not want to share someone she cared about. But she did not know how to change things.

On weekends, Samora sometimes got letters from home. In one letter, her friend wrote that Hadena was planning something special for Xior. Samora's hands shook as she read the words. She wondered if Xior was telling Hadena the truth, or if he was hiding everything from everyone.

Samora felt more alone with every day. The city was loud and busy outside her window, but inside her heart, there was only silence and doubt. She wondered if she should ask Xior to choose, or if she should walk away. She felt trapped and confused.

The days kept moving. Xior kept acting the same. Samora kept pretending. But inside she wondered how long she could live with a secret that hurt so much. She wondered if she had the strength to let go, or if she would keep hoping for something that might never be hers.