What's harder than pain?
It's saying it loud,
In rooms full of people
Who miss every cloud.
You speak of your ache,
They roll their eyes
So you learn to stay quiet,
To bury your cries.
I smiled
not 'cause I'm okay,
But words just push
The love away.
They call it drama,
Mock the scar,
So I pretend
I'm just how they are.
They don't see the madness
Behind my calm face,
The silent explosions
I daily erase.
They don't feel the weight
In my whispered "fine,"
They just nod and move on
as if it's a sign.
Oh family, my family,
You were meant to hold,
But you melt my softness
And shame my cold.
You preach of love,
But choke my voice
You say I'm broken
By my choice.
I've tried to tell you,
Tried to share,
But you measure pain
By how much I dare.
So now I smile
Just like you need
And feed the lie
You want to feed.
You say,
"She's smiling,
she must be well,"
But I've mastered the art
Of not needing to tell.