Understanding

"My dad abused me." At that, tears started flowing freely down Kate's face, I didn't know what to do. She buried her head in her hands wiping her tears away aggressively, I just stared wide eyed as I watched her break down before me.

I couldn't move, could only think and imagine what she had been through, what I put her through. Eventually, her tears slowed, and she was able to get words out.

Kate explained what happened to her between the ages of four and six years old. I had first met her at six… She was a new student… She was emotionless… Everything was starting to come together, it shocked me I never thought to research her dad or be more thoughtful when asking or talking about him.

She never mentioned his name, not before and not now during her recounting of events. Kate shared that multiple times over those two hellish years, her dad would go into her room while Amber was at work and take advantage of her, claiming it was normal and that she shouldn't tell anyone.

But even to a young Kate, she knew something was wrong, she was scared at first. Unable to share or talk with anyone until she one day built up the courage and told her mom, Amber.

From there, Kate just spoke in a monotonous voice and stared off into space like she was a robot void of emotion. It was like the tears drained her of life.

"Since then, I've gone to counselling every week, my therapist knows about you, and she knew about the date. She told me to enjoy it to the fullest, I thought I knew what I wanted, but when it was happening. The memories raced back of what he'd do." I felt disgusted as Kate talked.

At first I was disgusted at her dad, how human filth could do such a thing to a child, but then… I realized I'd done the same thing; I ignored her pleads to stop and kept on doing what I wanted.

I was no different from him. "I am so sorry." It wasn't enough, no words would ever be enough to get forgiveness. No words could take back what her dad had done. It felt like I had to puke, but, like an angel, Kate spoke up.

"Luke, I like you, I am pretty sure you know that much. If it weren't for you all those years ago, I don't know where I would be. I wanted you to do what you did last night, but I think it was just too fast and too much all at once. But I told you this because I have some questions." She talked like a weight was lifted off her chest, her words came out calmly and confidently, while I was over in the chair freaking out.

"Y-Yeah?" I said, wondering what questions she was wanting to ask me.

"Are you disgusted with me now that you know what I have been through?" It was hard to believe she uttered those words clearly, I looked at her confusion plastered onto my face.

"W-Why would I be?" If anything, she should have been disgusted by me.

After I spoke, a smile actually crept its way onto Kate's face, "I knew you wouldn't be, I just wanted to ask. I never told anyone because I was afraid of what they would think, even though I've known you forever I still was scared you would distance yourself." I couldn't believe what I was hearing that someone could come to that line of thinking from something they couldn't control.

But that was the sad truth, women and men who were abused or hurt in some ways were often seen as defective or lesser. If you grew up an orphan, you were seen as less, I didn't want to accept it, but what Kate was saying made sense.

"W-Well, I am glad you know I wouldn't think that…" I just agreed with what she was saying, not wanting to take the conversation in another direction or risk making her uncomfortable.

"For my other question, can we…" She pursed her lips and looked away, before she returned her eyes to me, they were blazing with resolve. "I want to keep talking to you, but if last night turned you off, I would understand."

It wasn't like I could or wanted to stop talking to her, I appreciated her trusting me enough to tell me. But deep in my mind I wondered if she was hiding something else. "No, I wasn't turned off, it was also my fault, after I started, you were saying no. I am sorry." Kate simply shrugged at that.

"It's okay… like I said, I wanted you to, and I would have been fine with it. But the memories…" She looked deep in thought, and I quickly pivoted the conversation to stop her train of thought from going back down that path.

"So, we are still friends?" I asked, confirming I didn't misunderstand this.

Kate nodded with a small smile, "Yeah…"

With that, I learned a lot about Kate and our friendship was restored. Though what I learned was such a bombshell I was still processing it late into that night. I can't believe she suffered through that; her dad was horrible.

Kate didn't go into detail, which was probably for the best, I already felt like vomiting while she recounted events from her past. If she went further than that I wouldn't have been able to hold back my breakfast.

I obviously didn't tell my parents a thing, I only said I met up with Kate and we hung out. It wasn't my place to share her story. My thoughts raced deep into the night and just like the night prior, I didn't get much sleep.

The next morning it was hard to act naturally around Kate, she could tell I wasn't my normal self and to my surprise, called me out.

"Do you regret taking me out on that date, Luke?" She asked as we walked shoulder to shoulder down the sidewalk on the way to school.

"Of course I don't." I spoke confidently, I had no regrets with Kate, aside from the night of Valentines.

"Really? Then why do you feel so distant, its not like I could hide that if we got into a relationship. I hid it for as long as I could, but…" Her sentence trailed off to where it was only a whisper.

"Because I feel I betrayed you, once I learned what happened when you were younger and how I disregarded your feelings… I just… Huh?" My words were cut off as my arm was grabbed and Kate pulled my hand towards her.

Before I could react, I had a hand full of breasts. I instinctively squeezed as I looked into Kate's red cheeked face. "Please, I am telling you, I wanted you to. If it wasn't for the memories, I wanted you to do that."

I quickly pulled my hand out of her grasp, my face was probably the color of a tomato, "Okay, I get it…" I looked around and thankfully saw no one around, except for the occasional car that drove by.

"If that's the case… When do you want to hang out again?" I asked, I couldn't just ignore her past, but it was clear she wanted to keep hanging out with me. So, for now, we would act like everything was normal.