Still Figuring Us Out

The presentation ended with a round of polite applause and relieved sighs. Jessie gave Clara a fist bump and Kyle a nod. The rest of the group looked satisfied, even energized, but Clara felt strangely hollow.

Not because it went badly—it hadn't. Everyone did their part, Kyle included. But it was in the moments between slides and questions, when her eyes would catch his unintentionally, that she felt the weight of everything they hadn't talked about. The things they'd chosen to leave in silence.

She packed her bag slower than usual, hoping to avoid walking out beside him. But of course, fate wasn't on her side.

"You did great," Kyle said quietly as they stepped outside the building.

Clara kept her eyes ahead. "So did you."

They didn't say anything else. The air between them wasn't hostile, just uncertain. Like they were both trying to be careful around something fragile—maybe themselves.

By midweek, a new notice was posted in their coursework portal: Lab Partners – Environmental Systems Project.

Clara's name sat right beside Kyle's.

She stared at the screen for a solid minute, then leaned back in her chair with a groan. This wasn't the universe giving her a break—it was a test.

When Kyle messaged later that day, his tone was neutral.

Kyle: Looks like we're stuck together again. You free Thursday after class?

Clara: Yeah. Library or lab?

Kyle: Let's just use the lab. Might as well get hands-on early.

She didn't reply. She didn't need to. They both knew they'd show up.

The lab was nearly empty by the time Clara arrived. Kyle was already there, sleeves rolled, notebook out, goggles pushed onto his head like a nerdy crown.

He looked up. "Hey."

"Hey." She dropped her bag and pulled on her own goggles. "You read the project brief?"

He nodded. "We need to analyze two different water samples, document changes in clarity, chemical balance, and microbial activity over three weeks."

She took the printed handout from him, their fingers brushing. Neither of them commented.

They worked in near silence for the first half hour. Focused, professional, distant.

But that didn't last.

"You're quiet," he said, not looking up from the test tubes.

"I'm working," she said.

"You've never been this quiet in a lab," he added.

Clara smirked. "You wouldn't know. We've never been paired."

"I pay attention," he said simply.

That made her pause.

She set down the dropper and finally met his eyes. "Then you should know I'm still confused."

Kyle straightened. "About us?"

Clara nodded. "About how you say something one day, then pull back the next. You're in, then you're out. It's exhausting, Kyle."

He leaned on the edge of the counter. "I know. I've been trying to figure it out, too. I didn't mean to play with your feelings. I just… didn't expect to feel this much."

Clara exhaled sharply. "You think I did? You think I planned for this? You think I want to spend nights replaying every little look or word between us like it means something?"

"I didn't say that," he replied.

She looked away. "I just don't get how you're so calm. Like none of this messes with your head."

"I'm not calm," he said. "I just don't show it."

Silence again. But this time, it wasn't awkward—it was raw.

He took a tentative step closer. "I'm scared too, Clara. Of this. Of messing up everything I've worked for. Of getting distracted. Of hurting you."

"You already did," she whispered.

"I know," he said. "And I hate that."

She crossed her arms. "So what now?"

Kyle hesitated, then shrugged. "I don't know. But I want to stop pretending we don't matter to each other."

That landed harder than she expected.

She looked at him, really looked—at the dark circles under his eyes, the strain in his voice, the hesitation in his posture. He wasn't performing anymore. He was just Kyle. The guy who sat beside her in lectures, who always smelled faintly of mint, who made her laugh when she wanted to stay angry.

Maybe the guy she'd been trying not to fall for.

"We should finish the test run," she said, her voice lower now. "Before we contaminate the samples."

He smiled faintly. "Right. Lab first, breakdown later."

That night, as Clara sat on her bed scrolling through her readings, her phone buzzed.

Kyle: I'm not trying to fix things overnight. But I'm here. If you want me to be.

She stared at it for a long time. Her thumb hovered over the keyboard.

Clara: I don't know what I want yet.

Kyle: That's okay.

A pause.

Clara: But I think I want you around while I figure it out.

What did she want?

It felt like the kind of question that should have an easy answer. Kyle wasn't a stranger. He wasn't reckless or cruel or manipulative. He was kind, attentive, thoughtful. But he was also cautious. Controlled. And for someone like Clara, who'd built her walls brick by brick over the years, letting someone in who wasn't fully sure they wanted to stay… that was dangerous.

She reached for her earbuds and dialed a video call. After two rings, her friend Sasha picked up, visibly chewing on something and wrapped in a purple hoodie.

"Clara? It's past eleven. You okay?"

Clara gave a half-smile. "You know how I said I'd never call you over boy drama?"

Sasha narrowed her eyes. "You're kidding."

"I wish," Clara replied.

Sasha leaned in like it was about to get good. "Alright. Spill."

Clara exhaled. "It's Kyle. Again."

"Of course it is," Sasha muttered with a grin. "Okay, go on."

Clara recounted everything—being paired up again, the awkward lab session, the almost-conversation, the text messages. She didn't dramatize it, but she didn't sugarcoat anything either.

When she finished, Sasha just stared.

"Okay," she said finally, "so you like him. Still. A lot."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. You called me at 11:07 PM looking like you're about to write poetry in your notes app."

Clara snorted despite herself. "It's not that deep."

"It is. And look, I'm not judging you. Kyle seems like he means well. But you can't keep doing the emotional limbo thing. Either he's ready to be serious, or he isn't."

Clara looked down. "He said he's scared. That he's not trying to fix things overnight, but he wants to be here… if I want him to be."

Sasha gave a slow nod. "Okay. That's fair. Sounds like he's not running. He's giving you space."

"Yeah," Clara whispered. "Which somehow makes me even more confused."

There was a long pause.

"Clara," Sasha said gently, "you don't have to know what you want right away. But don't sit in the confusion forever either. Just don't let fear make the decision for you."

Clara nodded. "Thanks. You always say the right things."

"I know," Sasha said with mock pride. "Now go to sleep. And don't you dare double text him tonight."

Clara smiled faintly. "No promises."

After ending the call, she laid back again, staring at Kyle's last message.

"I'm not trying to fix things overnight. But I'm here. If you want me to be."

She re-read her own reply.

"I don't know what I want yet."

And then:

But I think I want you around while I figure it out.

Her heart thudded lightly in her chest as she read it all again, and this time, instead of anxiety, she felt… a little lighter.

She got up, closed her laptop, and pulled the covers over her. Tomorrow would be another long day. More lectures, more labs, more moments beside Kyle where every look carried unspoken thoughts.

But maybe—just maybe—it didn't have to stay that way forever.