Chapter 6

"Mike, come here!" Joshua shouted.

I was fifteen at the time and I wasn't happy or sad. I just existed. I didn't know who I wanted to be or where my life was heading.

I'd been friends with them for two years. Sometimes things were worse, sometimes better — depending on the day. Lately, they'd stopped pushing me around or calling me weird names, which made me happy, because at least I didn't feel worse than them anymore.

No one else wanted to hang out with me, so I stayed in this group because I was afraid of ending up alone. I didn't want to feel abandoned again.

It was during the longest break of the day. We were outside — they were smoking while I watched our spot at the table. Sometimes I felt like they were mocking me behind my back, but at least it wasn't to my face. I'd rather have that than be humiliated out loud every day.

Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse — at least I'm surviving.

"Mike!" he called again.

"I'm coming."

I walked slowly. The school yard wasn't big, and teachers rarely checked this area. We had total freedom. If they saw someone smoking, they usually didn't care. Unless we caused a bigger scene.

"What?" I asked, hunched over.

James didn't acknowledge me. He stood talking to Mary. Malachai glanced at me then looked away. Jeremy gave me an innocent smile, Ryan tossed his cigarette into the bin, and Joshua asked:

"Got any money?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah. We're trying to get some beers, but we don't have enough cash. Got anything?"

"I don't know. I didn't bring my wallet." I hate alcohol. Can't stand the sight of it, let alone drinking or lending money for it. Some would call me a "bad friend," but I don't care. I hate alcohol so much I'd erase it from the planet if I could.

"Can you go check?" He raised his left eyebrow.

"My mom didn't give me any money today."

"Not even yesterday or the day before?" He wouldn't let it go.

"I don't remember," I scratched my head. My smile didn't convince him. He kept pressing.

"You're lying," he said.

I widened my eyes.

"That bitch is totally lying," James added. Mary clung to his chest as they cuddled.

"I'm not lying," I protested.

"I know when you're lying, and you definitely are. So be a good bitch and go get us some cash."

Joshua snickered.

"That was a good one," Ryan said.

"We can always try someone else. Someone around here's gotta have money," Jeremy added.

"Yeah, someone does," Ryan said, staring straight at me.

James walked up and patted my head.

I wasn't sure if it was meant to insult me or not.

"You'll bring daddy some money?"

Mary, Joshua, and Ryan burst out laughing. Only Malachai and Jeremy stayed quiet, glued to the ground, ignoring everything.

"But I really don't have—" I muttered.

"Then bring your wallet, and I'll check myself."

"I'm telling the truth," I said, arms spread in defense. I hoped this was all just a joke. I tried to laugh along — but their faces told me otherwise.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"If you won't give it up nicely, we'll take it by force," he smirked. I saw the devil in his eyes.

"Fine, I'll go get my wallet," I said and turned to leave — but James grabbed my arm.

"Relax, I'm just messing with you," he laughed. "Come here, you little—" he ruffled my hair into a mess and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

A fast kiss.

"We've got the money. We were just screwing with you."

I laughed nervously.

Something felt off.

I felt… an erection in my pants.

What the hell? I had to make it go away. Fast. They couldn't see this. No one could.

Was that kiss what turned me on?

I had to fix this. NOW.

"Hey, Mike," James said. The group walked ahead, but he stayed behind. "You coming with us?"

***

We skipped class and I didn't go back to school that day.

We were under some bridge where a lot of homeless junkies hung out and slept. I was afraid I'd end up like them. I once had a nightmare where I sat holding a syringe, covered in filth like a corpse. I wasn't alive in that dream.

I woke up screaming. Mom heard and started yelling at me.

"I think I could be a model," Mary said proudly, sipping beer.

"You've got a long way to go," Malachai sneered.

"Don't be mean. I have the most potential out of all of us."

"Yeah, right," Joshua scoffed.

"So who's got a better shot, you? Jeremy?" she said sarcastically. That was rude.

"I think Mike has potential," Jeremy said.

"Who?" Mary looked at him. She didn't know who I was. Seriously? "Who's Mike?"

"Mike's right here," Joshua pushed me forward. I stood still, unsure what to do.

"Him? Don't take it personally, Mike, but you're too ugly."

She wanted to hurt me. And it did. But I felt a spark of jealousy in her words, like something stung her deep inside.

"Mike's got a great build, perfect facial features — he's literally a walking model," Jeremy said.

I'd never so many compliments in my life.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I really could do this.

Maybe that's my goal in life. I'd think about it once I got home.

"Careful or you'll end up creaming yourself," James said quietly.

Jeremy turned red and went silent.

"You really think that?" I asked aloud. It just came out — in front of everyone.

"Yes," he answered.

"I finished my beer. Let's go before the lovebirds start fucking," Ryan interrupted. "We're leaving. Now."

"Wait, let me finish," Mary took her last sip and tossed the bottle at me.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I shouted. I'd never done that before. I was afraid of how James would react.

"What'd you say?" she snapped.

"Umm… nothing. Never mind."

James walked up and pinned me to the wall.

"Apologize," he demanded.

"I'm sorry," I said right away.

"And don't let that happen again," he threatened. "If it does, it'll be worse. Try me and you'll see."