New dilemma

A few days passed since Li Yu got her sight back. Every day she never skip her exercise for muscle therapy and make a progress bit by bit.

Staying in bed for a long time will bring more health risk. That's why Li yu get a whole body check up and the doctor said that she is lucky because she only get pressure sore or the most people known as bedsore. Pressure sore are injuries to skin and underlying tissue resulting from prolonged pressure on the skin. Looking at the internet, Li yu can easily find the information about pressure sore and the health risk that will be developed after lying in bed for too long. It is said that bedridden patients becomes vulnerable to various health complications like painful bed sores, circulation and respiratory problems, depression and contractures, due to lack of activity for long periods.

The information shocked Li Yu so much because of the terrifying fact. Mind you, she was so lazy to move from her bed because she was unable to see anything. Getting annoyed at her own conditions almost turn her into vegetables. Luckily she didn't become paralyzed and still able to move her body.

You evil bed, to be such a comfortable bed! I almost become vegetable. Humph... From now on, you must stay away from me and don't lure me to do stupid thing like sleeping all day. Geezzz I need to be more wise from now on. What daddy said is true, 'A lazy person will be followed by trouble wherever they go and whatever they do.'

Learning that staying in bed for too long are bad for health, Li yu keep herself out of the bed except at sleeping time. She also start to take care of her health. Well, It will be troublesome if she get more disease and health issue. That's why she start to develop her old habit to eat more and be fit since she didn't need to care about losing weight. Who knows where all those foods goes...

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Today is a week after her muscle treatment. The first time can be said as a disaster because she fell down from her bed after forcing herself without the doctor's monitoring. She lost her balance and hurt her knees. It scared Li yu so much because she thought that she unable to use her legs anymore. Soon the nurse come to help her and she got scold from her doctor when he knew what happened to her.

She remember a quote said that 'Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.' To repeat the same mistake is the same as cursing her for being like a dog. So for her own pride she admit her mistake and note to not doing any exercise without the doctor instruction.

Learning from her mistake, she pay attention to not doing excessive exercise. Although it's hard for her to maintain the stand up position at first but slowly she manage to improve her leg muscle. After a week she able to walk for ten minutes. After twenty days she able to go around the big hospital without any tools or helper. After a month she able to work out without any excessive tiredness. After her routine check up finished, she get her wish come true where all the muscle in her body got back to a good condition.

But soon she realize that she have a new problem. Although her body in fit conditions but she can not leave the hospital yet because of her amputated left hand. Li yu wish that she can be like a normal girl when she get out of the hospital. The deep insecurity she hide in herself make her worry more.

For a month worth time when she had her muscle therapy, she also have her psychology therapy. But a psychology issue is not as easy as the physical wound to heal. She full of worries and depression. The depression eat her up and effect her sanity and her health. She tried to divert her attention to something else so she didn't focus on her negative thoughts. That's why she made some goals to do and spend all of her mind to it. But when she reach that goal, the worries come back to haunted her.

Although her mind know it but her heart still struggling to accept the reality. She herself cannot describe her own feeling and why she got so depress. Even after making herself more positive with what she still have, the unknown emotions still overwhelmed her mind.

The doctor said that a big accident can leave a deep scared to a patient. The doctor help clarify Li Yu depression is normal so there's no need to be ashamed and hide it. All of wound need time to heal, but it takes different time to each wound.

For a patient type like Li Yu, the doctor advice her to slowly face her own fear, be more open to her feeling and slowly embrace her sadness. Sometimes it's better to relief the emotion than keep it in. As the time goes, her heart will be able to synchronized with her mind and the wound will slowly be healed. But doing it alone will be hard so that's why the doctor encourage Li Yu to share her problem with her.

The psychologist with the reassuring gaze said: "Li yu, there is the importance of accepting and sharing your feelings. It can be hard to open up about how you're feeling, especially when you're feeling depressed, hopeless, ashamed, or worthless. But you also need to know that many people also struggle with feelings like these at one time or another. They don't mean you're weak, fundamentally flawed, or no good. Accepting your feelings and opening up about them with someone you trust will help you. Li yu, I am as your doctor hope that you can share some of your worries to relief your doubt or your fear... As a woman just think me as your elder sister, and don't worry that I will leak your secret. "

Li yu silently look at the doctor and then look down at her fingers. Li yu know that the doctor try to help her since it's part of her job. And she knew that what all she said is true. But Li yu cannot be open to a stranger although she is her own doctor.

But as the time passed, she spend most of her consultation time chatting and gossiping with the doctor, then she start to losen up her guard. She started to talk about her past, her parents, her sadness, her worries, her uncertainty and more things that make her more depressed. She share her upset feeling when she cannot control her emotions. She also didn't know how to solve her uncertainty about her future and her dejected feeling for losing her parents.

As Li yu pouring all of her feeling, the tears flowing down and wet her face. The doctor listen to her carefully and also crying for Li yu. Although Li yu is a headstrong girl but she have a frail heart. At one side she know the right thing to do to continue her life, but on the other side she also fed up with her life and the cruel world.

The negative and positive thoughts confused her and lead to the unstable emotions Li yu had. Slowly the doctor lead Li yu to her positive thought. The doctor reasoning and explaining the wrong thought she had and fix her point of view.

The dark path Li yu see at first then step by step turn into the light. She get her hope, her purpose and her life back. Although the situation she is in right now different from how she was before, but nothing can change the good meaning in living.

God created all creature and He saw everything that He had made, and, behold, it was very good. God gives human privilege to enjoy His creation and also a job to take care of earth. But the evil desire in human heart ruined all the things and damage the earth and other living creature. Some exploited but didn't maintain the environment for a few centuries.

And damage nature and left only a few resources. But for these resources, human start the war to claim the land then killed and enslaved the others. After a few world war explode, people start to seek the peace because they loss many life in the war but gain wealth that cannot exchange for the death...

After the peaceful life for a few years, people begin to exposed their greed again with a different way. As a child with good upbringing from her good parents, Li Yu have a dream to become one of the people that fight back the evil people and didn't give them chance to exploit the right of the people...

Can you guess what kind of major Li yu studies is? Maybe most of people will said that Li Yu took the Law course, but well you are wrong. She get bored easily and for her to remember a lot of regulations is a pain for her small brain. That's why she take the business course. Well she still need to learn many theory about economy and learn how to properly operating the company. But at least she can earn more money and able to used the money to confront people that try to use their power to force people. Furthermore she can make sure her workers life and needs are met. And the most important thing is that with money she can afford her food expense. Hum yea... That's the most important thing for her. Who else will take care of her stomach if she didn't do it herself.

Li yu health and emotion improve a lot just like her daddy said that 'A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.' Although she still have a mixed feelings when looking at her left hand, but she keep going forward because life must go on. After her muscle therapy finished, Li yu also let the doctor to check her hand.

This one month felt hard for her not because she need to do the muscle exercises but more because she need to face her left hand while the nurse changes the dressings on the wound. She cannot keep closing her eyes from the reality and decline to know about her left hand condition, the part of her own body. Sometimes she also feel the throbbing pain in the amputated hand. Every time the pain comes, it's trigger her sad emotion and helplessness.

At the consultation, the doctor told her that it's called phantom pain. Phantom limb sensation is the feeling that the amputated limb is still present; most amputees experience this to some degree.

At one time when Li yu got a nightmare, the left hand hurt so much that she start to shout for help. Then the nurse come to ease her fear. At the morning, the psychologist come consult her about most of the amputated face and their condition in recovery state.

Doctor: "​The amputation or loss of a limb is a life-changing experience. It's a tremendous physical loss and, in many cases, emotionally devastating. Everyone deals with th​ese feelings in different ways. Allow yourself to grieve and to feel your loss. Talk about how you feel. It may help you to learn about the stages of the grieving process. Ultimately, you will reach a stage of acceptance. How long this may take varies from person to person but one thing is certain: when you are able to accept your new body image you'll be able to lead a happier life."

Li yu: "Sigh.... Doctor, it's easier said than done. I thought after this pass days that I already manage to accept my appearance now. But the reality I'm still grieving about it. So lame..."

Doctor: " Hey Li yu, for me your progress is good enough. When you can let go your grief, the knot in your heart will also go... A month had passed and your wound already heal. Today I will come with you to choose a suitable prosthetic hand for you. At least it can help you to balance every activities that simple but hard for you to do without your left hand."

Looking at the prosthetic display make Li Yu feel uneasy but she feel grateful for the technology development. Getting a prosthetic for an amputated person will bring back the confident and the hope to be able to live in better way. There are many type of prosthetic being display but the zero in the price tag shocked Li yu. Technology comes with a price, the better the function the more it cost. Li yu start to calculated if she have enough money to purchase a good one she liked. Beside the function able to grab things like a human hand, it look so much like a real hand. But all the money she have aren't enough to even buy the simple type of prosthetic. She feels that the prosthetic aren't worthy for the whole money her parents saved.

Feeling dejected, Li yu go back to her room without booking any with the reason that she want more time to think which one better for her. She never think about the money issue this far because someone unknown support her medical bills. Because she cannot guess who is this person, she put the issue in the back of her mind.

She already make a plan for what she need to focused so she will be in the right track. But now, she have no enough money to purchase the things that able to make her walk a few step closer to her bright future.

Thinking in her bed, she toss herself a few times. For her it's not a good thing to depend on unknown people to pay for her needs. Living in this age, it's hard for her not to suspecting people kindness. It will be to late for her if she be in debt and asked to pay it with her body. Even though she is small but what if the other side is carnivore that didn't mind her little meat.

Moreover the new semester will start in the next month. She need to be discharged to continue her study. She will go back to a life where people pretending so they can get the other acknowledgement by showing their good outer appearance. While those who didn't being up to date with the latest trend were treated with harsh words as a country bumpkin and have a poor taste. Living in the environment where people easily judge the others from their appearance, Li yu don't know what harsh things she will face with her new appearance without the help of prosthetic to disguise her weakness.

Tired of worrying over those things, Li yu fall asleep and have a strange abstract dream.