Ellen (2)

Shelly hushed me to look the other way as Ellen had tears welling up her eyes during the lecture about politics. I still didn't understand why Ellen was this upset, her family was still on the powerful side. According to Luke, they only lost land from a gamble last month.

"Shouldn't we go console her," I whispered in Shelly's ear.

"We should leave her alone," Shelly pulled me away.

I reluctantly left with Shelly to join Sienna and Delia in the café. They smiled when we sat down as they welcomed us. It was hard to imagine meeting without Ellen present. Ellen was always there, listening to our complaints while consoling us.

"Ellen couldn't make it today," I explained why only Shelly and I linked arms.

"Well, maybe next time," Delia seemed uninterested.

"Let's talk about that killer exam coming up," Sienna complained about her lack of sleep.

"When is there not a killer exam?" I frowned.

At these times, all we could do was to eat desserts to cheer ourselves up. It was no wonder people in school were particular about their food. It was the only few joys they could enjoy while trying to survive. I liked how Sienna complained about the school system out loud.

Weeks passed as Ellen continued to deny our invitations to the café. It became normal to meet without Ellen. I thought Allan would also be depressed as well, but he remained the same while Ellen shut herself in the dorm room or the library.

I knew I couldn't continue ignoring Ellen as she became more discouraged with each day. After class finished, I walked to Ellen's seat before she packed her stuff. It was time to end this awkwardness between us.

"Ellen, do you want to talk?"

"I'm sorry, but I have some stuff to do today," Ellen was about to leave.

"Wait, are you sure?" I blocked the classroom door.

"Yea, I'm just focused on earning more points from the next exam," Ellen's dead eyes stared back at me.

"Losing land is no big deal!" I blurted, frustrated why Ellen didn't share her worries with us.

"It's not that," Ellen looked away while avoiding my gaze.

"It is that, ever since you told us about it, you have been avoiding us. We could've helped you if you were in trouble." I unintentionally shouted.

"What could've you done to help? You're Luke's possession!" Ellen yelled with her fingers clenched into fists, enough to bleed.

Was that how Ellen thought of me this entire time? I stared at her cold eyes that left no trace of its usual warmth. All I saw was a calculative gaze wondering how to use the tool in front of her. I stumbled a few steps back since I was unfamiliar with this side of Ellen.

I thought we were best friends. We grew up together and were classmates for the past seven years. If that didn't count for something, what was our relationship this entire time? She was right beside me this entire time while I cried and struggled to survive in the first district.

"You don't have to lie," I whispered, not daring to look into her eyes.

"I know you're having a hard time, but-"

"Leave me alone Rika! That's all I ask of you," Ellen screamed with blood dripping from her hands.

"You have Sienna and Delia with you now, so leave me alone," Ellen's voice cracked.

Ellen pushed me to the side to escape the classroom. My legs wobbled, loss of energy to stand as I staggered onto the floor. There was no way either Sienna or Delia could replace Ellen. Was our friendship this fragile? How much of the relationship was real? I looked at my hands, scraped with handling my fall on the cold marble tiles.

She called me, 'Luke's possession.' But, why? I belonged to myself. I hugged myself, tightly, to fill the empty void in my heart. I could feel my warm heartbeat, pulsing with every thump, telling me it was real. And I remained in my spot until the sky transitioned into dark azure blues of the evening.

When I was tired from being alone, I pushed myself up as I used one of the desks for support. My clothes were wrinkled and stained from my tears dripping down my cheek. My hair was tangled and went in all directions like it couldn't stay in one place.

My appearance reflected in the glass window was Rika. The girl who was determined Ellen needed help and didn't know how to express it. Crying helped bring me back to my senses. If Ellen really did want to hurt me, enough to break off our friendship in its entirety, all she had to do was to spread rumors about the truth.

But her heavy back chose to withhold the burden of everything alone. She didn't want to burden me with her problems even though she helped me with mine. If she didn't care about our friendship, there was no way she would've gotten this emotional.

Ellen was just tired. Tired to the point she couldn't clearly see the people around her who were willing to support her. Even though I felt losing land was no big deal, I was going to do the best I could to restore her bright caring smile whenever she noticed Shelly and I.

Afterall, our friendship couldn't be broken this easily.