Scumbag Dad?

Oh boy.. It's one thing after another today. Sometimes life is like this. We live our lives in schedule day in and day out. Nothing really happens. But once in a while, there are some days when many extraordinary things happen at once. You feel overwhelmed and think to yourself why?

Just... Why?

"I really didn't want to tell you about this as you were already living your life happily and I didn't want to ruin it for you. Sometimes ignorance is really a bliss and there was really no point in telling you about it. When I found out these things you were dealing with your mom's death and I didn't want to add more to your plate. Afterwards you were dealing with your dad and I didn't know how to break it to you and-", Alex avoided my eyes as he rambled on.

I don't know much about rules of friendship and all but there should be one which deals with hiding information about your parents. There's gotta be one, right? I was getting irritated by his excuses.

Yes, in my eyes they were nothing but excuses.

"Get to the point already!", I interrupted him.

"I will tell you... I will tell you", he placated me as he waved his hands as if to calm an irritated beast. "But you have to remain calm as it is related about the time before your mom died. You were young at the time so I guess you didn't notice it but I had heard it this during the gatherings that were held at home. It's not a huge secret really-"

He was stalling. I could see it. And it infuriated me. A lot.

"Get. To. The. F***ing. Point!", I interrupted him again with gritted teeth.

"Um.. So, you know, the thing is, well... before your mom died, your dad was going to divorce her.", he said it in one breath and continued, "I guess they didn't want you to know so they behaved lovey-dovey in front of you but in reality they were talking with their lawyers and stuff. Things are not like what you thought it was." He looked at me with bated breath, waiting for my response.

I stared blankly at Alex for a whole minute before I came to my senses. I was feeling kinda dizzy and the world faded away for a while.

"WHAT??!!!"

My first response was denial. Clearly, my dad is grieving over my mother. He keeps staring at my mom's picture all the time. He behaves like a lunatic. I even hear him scream my mom's name while sobbing in miidle of night sometimes.

He was perfectly normal before my mom's death and only after that he became the way he is. He even lost all his wealth due to this and Alex still has the guts to say this straight to my face?

"I know you don't believe me but that's the truth! Your parents were really struggling with their relationship! Your parents started off as ordinary middle class people and fell in love during their college years. You know that. Your dad started off his own company and he became successful. You know that."

"But what happened after he became a successful millionaire? You don't know this but people who used to be in contact with your dad know about it. He started having mistresses! A lot of rich guys do that and it is kinda normal but it was a huge deal when your mom found out about it. She even interrupted a meeting to scream at him... It's no big secret. You can verify it easily."

I sat there shell shocked by the revelation. My mom got cheated upon? Failed marriage? My dad is a scumbag? Clearly, this is quite different then what I used to believe. The image of faithful devoted husband grieving over the death of his wife clashed with the image of an upstart millionaire lusting over young women.

I didn't want to know this. Indeed, ignorance is bliss. But I still tried to deny it as I didn't want this to be true.

"But.. But.. Clearly my dad is still grieving over death of my mom. If he is really as you say he is, he wouldn't behave this way. Yes! He would clearly be happy over death of his wife as he didn't have to deal with the headache of divorce. Maybe you heard stupid rumours. Yes! Yes! You are wrong! Don't bring up these stupid rumours in front of me again! I...", as I yelled at him, I stopped suddenly watching the look in his eyes. He was looking at me with pity and I know what he was gonna say next will destroy me.

"Your dad is not dealing with grief. No one grieves that long. He wouldn't be ignoring you like this if it was just grief. It's guilt Peter. He is dealing with guilt. He was feeling guilty because he treated his wife like sh*t but in return, she she saved his life. And then she lost her own life in the process. This is why he behaves the way he does. I didn't want to tell you this before as it was a very messy matter."

"But I don't want that b*stard ruining your life. Take this chance in front of you. Don't hesitate on account of your dad. He isn't worth it."

...

...

Half an hour later I walked my way home. I wanted to clear my head, and I hoped the long walk would help me. I didn't know how I would face my dad now. As I was walking I tried to analyse what happened in the past.

My parents met up in the college. It was a typical college love story. They started dating, and they got really close to each other. After graduating my dad married mom and lived happily. My dad set up a company after he left his old job. My mom helped him and supported him from the side. The company was successful. He got rich and started to live his life like a rich guy. He built mansions, attended high class banquets. As he got older he wasn't satisfied with his wife and found a young beautiful mistress for himself.

My mom found out about it, and understandably, was furious. The relationship went down the drains. But they hid this from their son as they didn't want his childhood to be ruined. They already had lawyers splitting up the assets.

But everything changed when the bank they were in got robbed. Before the robbers could finish packing the cash up, police arrived. Robbers panicked and tried to take hostages. They happened to choose dad, he resisted. That was when my mom died.

It was a scene right out of a movie, with my mom pushing my dad away, saving his life but getting shot in the process. The robbers were taken down in the end but my mom lost her life. Guilt stricken, my dad lost his mind. He started to regret his actions. However, it was too late.

I understood what happened. But I didn't know what to feel about it. I always had love-hate relationship with my dad. My mom died because of dad. I knew of this before and hated him because of it. But in the end, blood was thicker than water. So I lived with him and took care of him when he was down as I knew everybody makes mistakes.

But after finding out about his sordid past, how can I face him? I can't really point fingers at him and call him scum. He is already regretting his actions, and that would just make matters worse. Also, he provided me shelter, and granted, he wasn't always there for me. But that doesn't give me right to use the high moral ground and condemn him.

But why? Why do I feel so furious? Why do I feel like punching his face? I wanted to be reasonable, cool headed, logical and mature about it. But I couldn't. Old hatred has mixed with new. Even though he hadn't done anything to me, the thought of him cheating on mom made me furious. Even after knowing all this, my mom still used her life in exchange of his and that my blood boil.

But mixed within this anger and confusion, I found a fleeting sense of relief.

Yes, relief.

I could finally get rid of the burden that has always been dragging me down. All humans are selfish and I really wanted to enter the Magic school. I wanted to see with my own eyes how magic worked . I don't know when I started to, but I yearned for magic, to see the natural laws of physics bend before my eyes.

And my dad was an obstacle in the path. I can finally can leave my dad behind and not feel guilty about it. Is it wrong to feel this way? I don't know and didn't want to know.

I have reached my home, yet it didn't feel like home.

It's time... To confront my dad.