How do I turn it off!?
"Hello, my name is Guin."
"$%$&, #^%$ #% Guin."
"Oro, alpha num Guin"
"How do I reach the library?"
"(&(%#*** %&(^$$ %&^%$ %&(?"
"Douro alpha camu livrari- livrafi- livrafriun?"
"Fuck! Why is this language so hard!?"
"$*&^!$&^%^&(%( $%#$%$&!?"
"Oh, sorry, that last one doesn't count!"
"$%(*%,#&$*%#,@!%!@$^%* ^)%(^&$$%!"
"Turn off this auto translator!"
"#^)%(& R$%** $%**($#^^#$ #$%&$%@&!"
...
After making sure the door and windows were locked, Guin started practicing his new World language. Unfortunately the house was not sound proof and anyone who passed by would hear the two voices from inside the house, leading to wrong assumptions.
Guin's language training went on and on through the whole after noon until late at night when he finally fell asleep. 3 hours later, the All Mighty God Seink came back from a supposed bathroom break and noticed his victim was soundly asleep, so he decided to continue with the system upgrades.
Without an ounce of carefulness, since no one was looking, the All Mighty God Seink takes out Guin's soul, replacing it with a dummy and throws it in the machine.
[Soul Manipulation System v7.58d started!]
[Please give out your instructions.]
(Download System logs!)
[Downloading 1/95, Time remaining: 30s]
[Downloading 35/95, Time remaining: 25s]
[Downloading 77/95, Time remaining: 20s]
[Downloading 90/95, Time remaining: 15s]
[Downloading 94/95, Time remaining: 10s]
[Downloading 95/95, Time remaining: 30s]
[Downloading 95/95, Time remaining: 45s]
[Downloading 95/95, Time remaining: 60s]
(Hey! Don't stop now! finish it!)
[Downloading 95/95, Time remaining: 55s]
(Good!)
[Downloading 95/95, Time remaining: 60s]
(****!!!)
...Fifteen minutes later...
(Let's see... the error log is full again, it seems like the exp from digesting spirit fruits is being lost due to compatibility issues... well, that's fine, as long as he doesn't explode from eating them. Next we got the exp from the exercises, also lost because of an error, an error happened while running so no exp was gained, Another error here, this one too...)
The All Mighty God Seink looks at the exp bar, 0%.
(And it seems all other ones too as the exp bar is still on zero...sign...)
And just like that, all of Guin's blood, sweat, and tears resulted in nothing.
(Then, let's correct these values first! Add a function here, comment the code over there... and all this shitty math we will just surround with a try catch and add +1 if we get an error!)
After 15 minutes correcting bugs with all kinds of not so advisable techniques, that should theoretically be exchanged at a later date for proper coding but in reality no one would ever spend the time and effort to do it just because it works anyway, the All Mighty God Seink decided which module to install by the most logical method available...throwing a 6 sided dice.
(Ok, let's see, what I should install now...GO!)
The dice rolls, rolls and rolls and finally falls from the table, hits the ground in an odd angle and rolls to not even god knows where.
(...)
...
(Don't worry, I got another dice!)
So he rolls the dice and before it can jump out of the table, a godly hand is used as a barrier to prevent it from falling. Finally the dice stops, landing a 5.
(Ok! 5 it is! From the priority list, number 5 is appraisal system... but this system has a lot of dependencies, it needs the complete library installed, the object identification plugin, and is a pain in the ass to do the maintenance...you know what, forget that! Lets just install the messenger! If he got a question, he can just ask!)
[Installing Helpdesk Support System...]
...
Next morning, Guin wokes up seeing the system messages pop up one after another.
[System Update Complete!]
[Welcome to Strongest System [Alpha] 0.4]
[Read patch log?]
[Yes/No]
"Sign....you know what....Yes!"
"#%@%...@#&*##$¨* ¨$*¨#&¨...%&(!"
[Summary or Complete?]
"Complete!"
"$#%#*¨#*!"
Suddenly a single window covered all his vision and the log messages start appearing one after the other in a insane speed.
[Correction of bug in code line 746]
[Correction of bug in code line 1646]
[Correction of bug in code line 1756]
[Correction of bug in code line 3314]
....30 minutes later...
[Correction of bug in code line 995565424]
[New Feature added, Helpdesk Support System]
"Ok, lets add a mental note, never ask for the complete version again!"
"(¨$,R&%(*¨$¨((*¨$((&¨$%¨$$()¨%%#(¨$%¨&$)##@#@¨)%(#$()¨_*&_&()%!"
"So, we got a Helpdesk Support System...what the heck does this mean!?"
"*¨#%%$$¨((*¨$Helpdesk Support System...¨#@#1%@¨)%($%¨&$)##$()¨!?"
[Do you want to activate the Helpdesk Support System?]
"Yes!"
"@#$!"
[Please input your question:]
"How do I turn the automatic translation off?"
[Thanks for using the Helpdesk Support System!]
[We have received your question and in less than 48 hours you will receive an answer!]
[Your protocol number is 00000001]
[Have a nice day!]
Guin got super pissed, this damn system was just like the one used by his internet provider, always ready to receive the questions, but never ready to answer them. The only way to get a true answer from such a system was threatening to cancel his contract, but there was no such a thing in this case so he had absolute no power over it.
"Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!! Damn,you know what, let's wait until tomorrow. If there is no answer until then, I will spam this system so much the server will go down! Just you wait..."
Meanwhile in the heavenly realm.
(hehe...I forgot to add the off button... ;p)