LAST SITUATION: B(her)URNED

"This was the only way…" 

"...That I could whoop some sense into you." Granny shook her head a couple of times, letting a lawnmower tumble out of her hair.

Behind her, the tiger finally regained its senses, getting up.

"Isn't that your eco-friendly solar-powered lawn mower?" The tiger mrow-ed, waving its paw, "Buy one now for only $XXX.99! It's great for…" 

Granny Laohu gave the tiger a look.

"Sorry," It sheepishly sat down in the air, scratching out the pebbles from its fur. 

"Ugh…" In front of them, the masked man was already starting to move.

"How annoying. Despite being just a minor god, you are still so resistant to poisons," Granny Laohu murmured, her Chinese accent coming out a bit stronger. "Ai-ya, no matter. One minute is enough."

Grabbing the lawnmower with her mouth, she revved it up, rushing to the man in what felt like a second, maybe less. She whacked the man again and again.

"Stop." The man cried.

"STOP IT."

"NO, PLEASE NO, NOT THE HAIR!"

Granny Laohu started mowing his hair. Despite the man's desperate efforts to regenerate his hair, slowly but surely, his hair was eaten up by the lawn mower, leaving a shiny bald head. 

"Nn…" The masked man wailed, crying pathetically like a child who had gotten a bad haircut-

(Oh.)

Granny Laohu continued to bash the man with the lawn-mower. The masked man's wails escalated, each cry more pitiful than the last, like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum to tired parents: 'nooo, this isn't how it's supposed to go!' 

"Huff…" The masked man tried to stomp his feet around, but it just ended up spinning him around. Now, he was dizzy and tired, but also, still getting his butt whacked like 'pa-pa-pa!'

Finally, the man reached his hands out, "Help, HeLP!" 

"Dang it, you promised you would help!" 

Time burnt the air and the air rushed back. Back in its place, a woman stood tall. 

"You're…" Granny Laohu opened her eyes wide. 

Her gaze settled upon the girl, whose arm was blocking her from attacking the masked man. The man – tripping over a block of air (as one does) – quickly ran and hid behind her. 

The girl's full head of dark, silky hair danced in the wind like ribbons. Damn it… it only reminded the masked man of his own hair loss. 

Her forehead, adorned with a striking insignia, flickered like living flames. Crowning her head was a golden headpiece, complementing the resplendent red and gold of her robes.

And her eyes and lips… they whispered like ancient royalty. 

"I said… I'll be here," the girl's voice came out.

Looming behind her, a circle commanded attention. It bore a resemblance to a time-worn clock, reminiscent of an ancient Chinese sundial. The circle... no, sundial… had engravings that split it into twelve sections, a testament to the passage of time and the celestial cycles.

With every graceful movement of her hands, the air around her crackled and fizzled, as if reality itself was bending to her will.

"Why are you helping him?" Granny Laohu finally asked. 

The girl frowned. 

"The god of burning times, flickering moments, and sparks of inspiration," Granny Laohu continued, "The god who puts those up to time's fiery test: Shirong."

"Cause she's indebted to me!" The bruised man yelled behind her, poking his head out.

Granny Laohu glared at him, causing him to continue to hide behind the girl.

The girl's fiery eyes seemed to burn, "Unfortunately." 

"But…" Granny Laohu started, "Southern God's daughter, why are you doing this? You of all people should know."

The girl's eyes flared. 

"You flatter me," The girl scoffed, "You know I'm just an illegitimate daughter." 

"Do you not know the consequences?" Granny Laohu said.

"Ah, you mean from the heavens? No." Shirong laughed, her voice sizzling like flames. "...Or do you mean the person who put up the barriers around this forest? They were strong, I'd admit. Even managed to keep me out for a good while." She disdainfully looked at the masked man, eliciting a "what?"

She turned back to Granny, "So what of the consequences? I'm on Time's council. And there's no one who could stop me."

"I mean, the consequences for yourself." Granny Laohu's eyes glowed. "Are you sure you won't lose yourself?"

"Don't talk about the future to me." Shirong snared. "No, I have already seen this path before." 

"You don't know anything about me. Or the timelines I lived through."

"What do you know about loss?" 

It was like the three sentences were spoken at the same time, but also not. More and more voices began to mix.

"Enough!" Shirong glared. "You know what we're here for. Let's just get this over with."

"Very well."

Granny Laohu's form began to shake, as the heavens themselves were blotted out by clouds. Her body began to grow larger and larger. As the tension in the air reached a crescendo, Granny Laohu pounced.

Shirong, with a wave of her hand, summoned flames that danced around her like obedient serpents, her eyes blazing with the intensity of a thousand suns, knocking the qilin aside. 

Granny Laohu, her body radiating with the powers of lightning, stood her ground. 

Shirong' sent waves of searing heat sprawling towards Granny Laohu. The air itself seemed to warp and shimmer around the Qilin, but with a swift stomp of her hoof, a bolt of lightning shot up, meeting the fiery assault head-on. The collision of fire and lightning illuminated the sky, casting eerie shadows on the forest around them.

"Granny," The tiger cried, as he watched the Qilin's body get more and more charred.

"STAY BACK!" Granny shouted.

Scarred and burnt, the qilin charged forward, her body a blur of motion. She summoned seven pillars of wind, directing it at Shirong with such force that it threatened to extinguish her flames. 

"The seven pillars of harmony and balance," The girl's voice rang out, without her even opening her mouth. Time slowed down… "Good try, that won't be enough though."

The sundial ticked. Simply like that, the pillars of wind burst into flames and blew the qilin back, knocking Granny into the floating mountain. 

"You qilin can resist so much fire-power…" The girl's voice rang out again, "...but my fire isn't normal, either." 

Granny groaned, her legs barely able to stand up, like a newly born faun. Her bones must have broken, like what? At least ten times, by now. But still, she continued to circulate her Ying Qi through her limbs to heal. The gentle warmth allowed her to stand again, but just for a little while. 

"Why don't you just give up?" The girl's arm waved, almost bored. 

Shirong unleashed torrents of fire that twisted through the air like dragons, only to be met with crackling bolts of lightning from Granny Laohu. The Qilin moved with a grace and agility that belied her age, cycling through the five taoist elements: fire, wood, metal, earth, and water. The sky filled with blankets of storms, uncoupled, unbound from the sky… clashing with the fiery burns and rainy tears. 

Each move left Granny Laohu worse and worse off. Until, finally- 

In the burning rain, in the ocean of clouds that seemed to span forever, in the mist that broke down oceans, and in the lightning that charred forest beds, she asked a simple question:

"If I give up, will you leave the rest of the forest alone?" 

"Yes."

Granny Laohu knew.

…Despite their ability to detect lies, that skill had never saved any of her people. And it would not save her. 

"I see." Granny Laohu smiled. Her body felt extra heavy today. 

On days like these, she wanted something sweet. 

Mm… oh dear, she was craving some apple pie, but where would she find apples now? Where would she find apples now?

"I'll go with you," Granny Laohu said. 

"Finally," The masked man gleefully clapped.

Shirong glanced at her. "Very well."

The goddess drew seals into the air, meant to jail the qilin… 

But as the seals drew closer, ensuring their grip on the qilin—

The runes reached Granny Laohu's antlers, which began to glow. The seals began to twist around. The word judgment sprouted from the runes in a thousand languages: 

— JUDGMENT —

They poured around Shirong's sundial, who looked extremely annoyed, but didn't dare touch any of the words.

"It's a trick!" The man shouted. 

Finally, the words, one-by-one landed on Shirong's sundial, causing it to lose her glow. She glanced at Granny Laohu, who began to fall from the sky. 

"Look at what she did!" The man hopped out from behind Shirong. 

Shirong sighed. That crafty woman. This seal…? How many years would this take to wear off? Thousands? Millions? Billions? She sensed that these judgment runes wouldn't be easily washed away with countless days. No, it would take more than just time… 

"Granny," The tiger jumped down to search the forest grounds.

"Well, guess we don't have to keep our promise." The man smirked and laughed beside her. He turned at the tiger descending to the forest. "Boo!"

Jumping down at an inconceivable speed, his broad-sword slashed at the tiger. As the hit was about to land, it was blocked by a pebble: •

Pebbles on the ground start to glow. • . •

Odd. Who had placed pebbles here? • 

They flew in the air, little butterflies hatching from them. Mystical, translucent butterflies that enveloped the tiger in light. 

Finally, the condition had been met. 

Shirong flew down the meters, glancing at the broken body of the Qilin on the forest ground. "Did you put up this formation?"

"No." Granny Laohu's weak voice came out, her body heaving on the dirt, struggling to take their breaths. She laughed, but each chuckle broke into coughs. 

Shirong sniffed. 

"No, No…" The tiger sobbed from above, pawing the light, "Please…" 

Granny's body grew more and more limp. Ten thousand years lived. Ten thousand years of mistakes. Ten thousand years of regrets. So this was how her students saw her? 

And her husband… 

Had she done anything right in this life?

"I swear on the heavens, I'll be fine." She whispered. Her words were carried through the wind… 

It was a lie. She knew it. 

The only thing Qilin was good for was passing judgment… 

The tiger pounded, desperately clawing against the light, as the swarm of butterflies floated their wings and started to carry the tiger away. 

"No…" The tiger's voice became more and more desperate. "No…"

"Old teacher, you should have known better than to play with fire." Shirong leaned over Granny Laohu's body. 

"No." The tiger began to sob, but slowly, the butterflies folded themselves into the wind, and along with it, the tiger disappeared.

"A formation to save a stupid tiger?" The man gleefully laughed. "It didn't even save anyone else."

Shirong frowned, looking down at Granny Laohu, who had taken her last breath, and along with it, any pleasure she had felt from doing any of this. 

The qilin's entire body was covered with burns and cauterized marks. 

"Look at that, this minor god is alive and kicking, ha!" The man gleefully danced, before the realization dawned, "Wait, we have to sell this later!" 

He whined, protesting the state of 'their goods'.

Shirong gave the man an annoyed glance.

"You should stop it with disrespect. She was still our teacher once." 

"Yeah, yeah." The man snickered.

Shirong rolled her eyes, before flicking her wrist. Suddenly, it was like the fire and burns were being sucked out of the qilin, leaving behind a perfect shell. Pristine and clean, it would definitely fetch a nice market price. 

"I suppose we should clean this up." The goddess looked around. "It's best if no one knew we were here."

The trees began to catch on fire.

"Yes, yes, yes, burn this forest down!" The masked man gleefully clapped. 

The fire started picking up, spreading faster and faster. The millennial-year-old trees began to topple one by one. The upside down mountains began to fall from the sky. The animals and spirits who lived here, still and silent, trapped in an eternal sleep, were slowly engulfed by the flames.