Ava's Feelings

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...?"

My tears, it didn't stop flowing. Alone in the darkness, my eyes shed incessant tears.

Why am I crying again?

...

Ah... I remembered. I failed to protect everyone I cared about. Then again, it had always been like that. No matter how many times I tried, how much effort I put in, those people I wanted to protect died in front of me.

Is there any meaning for me to live? ...Do I even have one?

The meaning of life— this very thing encompassed and explained most actions that humans take. Some decide to steal just to survive—to preserve their life. Some work hard to get better at something, to be able to stand on top of everyone else.

In the end, it all boiled down to what they truly seek in their lifetime. Without contrition and compunction, they believed in what they could and want to be.

As for me, I had a meaning in life, before.

I wanted to love— and the only genuine love I felt after the tragedy three years ago, was when I cried in the arms of a boy not that much older than me. As for my "parents", I loved them, but the feeling that stirred inside my chest when that boy left me— it was different.

I disliked it, yet my heart never stopped yearning. When I left Mansel Island, all I could think of was to experience that feeling again, but I couldn't. My heart desisted from wanting to see him. I thought he was dead, so I sought revenge, and at the end, wished to end myself, but...

He came back to me. That boy— not that much older than I am— came back to my life. Why did he come back?

The boy was used by the very people that I wanted to kill. And then, that genuine feeling of love came back when I met him again. However, not long after, he left me, saying that he needed the power to make me truly happy.

But he didn't know...

Of course he didn't...

The truth was that I only needed him. As long as we were together, I could never wish for anything else. Just being with him elated me.

But he didn't know—

Of course he didn't—

I sought him out in order to fill the hole inside my heart. I didn't have any other purpose in life. Most people could easily switch to seek other things than just being hung up on one, but I couldn't. Sometimes, I even wondered why.

And when I met him again, he'd gained that power all by himself. We were reunited once more and for a year... We were together once more.

Ah, right... Perhaps it was because I was like a free bird, with no strings attached— a blank canvas somewhat that I felt so strongly about that guy.

Then... it happened. I realized what this 'love' was that led me, inconspicuous as it was to me, it became a source of my power all those years.

I am so simple, right? I didn't have anything else. A simple, straightforward girl.

During my journey, I gained a lot of bonds— friends, close friends, I learned what it was like to truly live in this world. I learned what it was like to actually shift my attention away from that guy, and towards all those other people. It felt fulfilling. I was genuinely happy.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...?"

A small dot of light appeared in front of me. It was just like a firefly, hovering around with unbridled curiosity.

"...Why are you here?" I said softly. "You'll not like this place. It's dark. Go back..."

Yeah, I was genuinely happy having all those people around me. For once, I didn't have to become so obsessed with that guy that I followed him everywhere. I found another meaning in my life.

To form as many bonds as I can.

This became a new part of me. No matter if you were weak, strong, poor, rich, disabled, I wanted to make bonds with all of you.

A smile crept across my face.

"...Bonds, huh?"

I wiped away the tears streaking my face. "But I let these bonds disappear right in front of me back then."

"..."

"...Ava."

"...?"

The firefly talked. It called my name. Before I could react to it, a blinding flash of light exploded in my face.

♢

♢

"Ugh..."

"...Ava?"

"She's awake!"

"Wait, wait, should we really be so casual about this? She might freak out and—"

"She won't! Come on, Miranda."

"Aya... It's a possibility."

Eh?

When I opened my eyes, a bunch of people was all over me. Wait, they are...

"Aya? Miranda? ...Derrick too? Sofeea...? And..."

I looked over to my right side, and Alicia was there. Wait, why is she here? What! And beside him was...

"H-Hope?!" I shifted to a sitting position and shook my head. He was on his knees just beside me, that warm smile of his calmed me down instantly. But, a part of his face was covered with his own Aegis crystals.

I raised an eyebrow. "Hope...?"

No words could describe the happiness I felt right then. Tears fell out of my eyes and I wrapped my arms around him. The others gave us some space once they saw us like that— for some reason. Their crestfallen countenance confused me.

Huh? Why they all look sad? I had a lot of questions as to what just happened after I fell down to this place. After encountering Aya, my vision blacked out. I was left alone in the darkness after that and woke up with everyone like this, all battered up.

"Hope..." I said worriedly. It came out like that.

"Ava, hey. Haha... Glad that you woke up!"

Hope didn't return my hug. When I turned to see him eye-to-eye, there was a hint of sadness inside his. Hope was bad at trying to hide his true emotions He had a penchant to not show it even if it meant languishing in an unfavorable situation. And at that time, he was crying on the inside.

I could tell that much. We had been together for so long after all.

"H-Hope... What happened... to you?"

His golden Aegis crystals were slowly covering his left side—so slow that I didn't notice that it was not of his own volition, but his Aegis was doing it itself. Hope was being consumed by the very power he possessed.

"You know... Ava... I envy you. I admire you for being able to push forward, even after everything. So... I'm sure you can do it this time around too," he said softly.

"W-What are you talking about? Hope, your Aegis! It's..."

"I'm aware. Anyway, are you really alright? No injuries whatsoever, Ava? Hm?"

"Hope! Your Aegis...!"

I pulled my face away just to get a good look at him.

"Y-You... What did you do to yourself?"

At an instant, I knew the answer to my own question. Realizing that he was basically ruining himself, I started to sob. Hope used his Aegis to some extent that his body suffered from it as a side effect. It was definitely not Aegis Takeover, I could tell. He had done something to himself...

"Hope! What did you do?!" I yelled.

Hope averted his eyes away for a few seconds. After that, he let out a short sigh. With a gentle smile, he said:

"I used my Aegis to, basically absorb most of the Aegis chemicals inside you. You know, the one that flows in our bloodstream. I figured this out on my own a long time ago, that I can take my Aegis to another level, that I can take away anyone's usage of Aegis... A part of it anyway. But this time, I... absorbed 'more' than just your Aegis chemicals. You could say, I pushed myself to the limit for this. Haha..."

"H-Hope... Don't tell me you..."

I shook my head in denial, and the tears streaking my cheeks fell to the floor.

"It's exactly that. I... I absorbed a part of your Aegis into my own, both of your Aegis. Ava, the truth is, my Aegis specialty doesn't absorb Aegis crystals. It just looks like that but it's not. Simply put, I absorb the chemicals spread out inside Aegis crystals, ones that form the very structure of it in the first place. When I really put my mind to it, I can take away Aegis itself, but to do just that, I had to mix in my own Aegis chemicals with yours."

"I mixed it into your bloodstream so that, in theory, I can easily absorb anything your Aegis chemicals made contact with, at the moment of absorption. Ah, but I can't use the Aegis I take away, unlike yours, Ava. Anyway, my own Aegis chemicals act as portable sponges, readily absorbing yours without me actually having to force my Aegis crystals into your circulatory system. So... um... that's... what I did?"

"You idiot!" I slammed my fists onto his torso and he laughed it off.

"But yeah... Absorbing other Aegis into my own body has a side effect. As you can see here dear Ava, its... I don't have to tell you, do I?"

His Aegis crystals had wrapped up the entirety of his left side, and then, he hugged me. Only time would tell when his entire body will be covered by it.

"I'm sorry Ava... I truly am. I thought that if... if I can just take the source of your hatred away— your own Aegis, even a tiny bit of it— then you wouldn't have to suffer anymore... I always thought that it's my fault that you turn out like this... If I didn't leave you back then in Mansel Island, then... "

"Why... Just why?!" My arms returned his hug tight. "Why are you always like this?!"

Hope smiled. "Remember... the promise we made?"

I nodded a few times. "Y-You promised... that you will teach me... that you will never leave my side... Hic... A-And yet you are breaking that promise on your own!"

"Yeah... Sorry."

"Why did you always leave me?! Why, why, why, why?!"

"Ava..." He couldn't respond. Seeing him so helpless twisted my heart. And I thought that when we would meet again, I would confess. However, Hope would probably reject it. But even so, I had to. I had to tell him.

"H-Hope... I..."

"Yeah...?"

"I love you. I love you, Hope," I said those words smoothly, hoping that my feelings reached him. It should have. I didn't know what this feeling was before but now, it was different. Hope was the guy my heart had chosen, the one I fell in love with.

"I-I truly love you! It's not like back then. It's... a romantic feeling... A-Anyway, I love you, Hope!" I looked at him and he simply nodded.

"I know. But I don't see you like tha—"

"Then! I'll make sure you will fall in love with me! No matter what! I will make you fall head over heels over me! I want you... I want you to become my only Hope. S-So, please... don't go, Hope. Don't leave me..."

He let out a forced chuckle, his Aegis crystals had wrapped his torso completely. "I knew all along. That's why I... I pretended."

"..."

"Your Aegis, if I can just take it from you, then! Then it will stop mutating like this!" I scrambled to use my power. However, when I tried to absorb his Aegis, nothing happened. Hope's mutating Aegis rejected my Absorption.

Hope shook his head, his smile still intact. "Ava..."

"I-I can burn it off! Oh, right. I can steal Ivar's Aegis! Wait for me, I'll steal it and use his power to control your Aegis. Yeah, I can do that, and then after that... after that..."

Hope put a hand on top of my head, and then, he kissed my forehead gently.

"H-Hope... Hic... Don't leave me. You're the first one I fell in love with. I can't h-help but see you that way. Hope... Hope..."

"If that's the case, then... eh, why not?"

"Huh...?"

"I did say that I don't see you the same way. But, if you want me to, I can be whatever you want me to be, Ava. I can learn to love you the same way you love me..."

Hope continued, "I will be your Hope..."

At that time, the darkness clawing its way in my heart vanished, and a warm feeling replaced it. The light of hope filled my chest.

"...Hic... Waaaah! Waaah!"

As I cried by his side, he didn't—not even once— stop smiling at me. Once his Aegis crystals fully covered his body, I still hugged him. I didn't want to let go of the person I truly love. Over and over, I called his name, telling him to come back to me, but there was no answer. In the end, Hope didn't change at all.

To change my life and just for me, he sacrificed a lot to make sure I was happy.

It hurt. My chest tightened. My heart throbbed as I absently mumbled whatever I had in mind.