The river of souls - chaotic

We purged any unnecessary thoughts, removed the mental barriers protecting our cores, and focused entirely on the movements of our connected soul flames,

Taking that risk immediately paid off.

The heavy resistance of the river's current became almost nonexistent. Before, trying to move around felt like crawling through tar, and involved constant fighting against the force pushing us down the river. Now, it was almost like gliding through the air, the speed we achieved was greater than any of us thought possible, and we were still able to accelerate.

On top of that, our memories stopped trying to escape, as if we broke free from the river's influence.

The elven girl chose the general direction, often changing her mind in the last second and forcing us to make a sudden sharp turn. While I took care of the finer maneuvers, making sure we didn't hit any of the obstacles.

Earlier, it was tough to pass through the numerous walls of soul flames - first, we had to find their weakest point, then use the brute force approach. Sometimes even that was impossible, and we had to avoid them entirely. We knew that those walls were full of small openings, but were unable to make use of them.

Now, things were different. For us in this state, those opening became no different from widely open doors, as if we were forcing our will onto others. We could pick any of them and flow through with grace, leaving behind an elegant bluish trace. From time to time, I added an additional barrel roll to further stun with amazement every soul watching this spectacle.

Despite the frequent route correction and the unnecessarily showy acrobatics, our cooperation was flawless. It might have been only the result of our instinctual wills to survive briefly merging into one, additionally enhanced by the soul bond. Nevertheless, being connected with another person to such an extent was exhilarating.

It made me feel as if I finally found the place where I belonged. Gone were the days of blankly staring at the wall of my room, wondering what I was doing with my life. So many little things were going to gain a second breath of meaning if there was a person who I could share them with, even a simple act of drinking a hot tea during a rainy day would-

'Over there!' She happily announced finding the goal and turned the speed to the maximum. 'And stop sending me that fluffy wave. It's unsightly and pointless.'

That one hurt, but it was mostly her pride talking. She rejected her own emotions, almost as if we were in a public view.

'There's no need to be so guarded, the guys around us don't-'

'FOCUS! It's important.'

Our goal turned out to be a single small portal, placed inside the space that at first glance was exactly the same as any other in this shapeless river, but the difference lied in its content, or more like the lack of it. There were no soul flames inside the area the size of a basketball court. It was protected by a barely visible barrier that easily stopped the hordes of souls who were madly trying to get inside.

Whoever or whatever was responsible for creating this protected zone must have possessed a lot of power. Or the portals I saw before belonged to really small fries - clerics casting resurrection spells maybe? The existence of magic was pretty much confirmed at this point.

The protected portal looked like a miniature black hole, and it was shrinking with every second. But there were still a few good minutes left before it completely disappeared.

'We've passed the first test.' Her thoughts were full of relief and determination. 'Full speed, don't hesitate, we're breaking through. My goddess wants to check the durability of our unusual 'unbreakable' bond.'

'You could have told me about this earlier.'

'I tried, but you weren't allowed to understand.'

With nothing else to say and a bit of light shed upon the reason behind her sudden change in behavior, we focused entirely on speed. Way too many memories were already taken from us by this place.

'Let's do it!' 'Let's do it!' Our inner voices, thoughts, efforts, minds - everything became perfectly synchronized for a very brief moment.

The distance to the target was no longer an obstacle, neither were the average souls standing in our way. We smoothly swished in between the blue flickers of light, almost as if they were moving in slow motion. Pulverizing through them with sheer force was also an option, but there was no need to take an unnecessary extra risk.

However, the last group blocking the path was composed of the strongest and biggest souls we ever saw in this place, two among them were bright red and oozed an unholy aura. That group not only somehow realized that we were capable of breaching the barrier and entering the portal, but they also wanted to hitch a ride, or at least stop us from escaping.

Which was something I could perfectly understand since I as well had been jealous of the lucky bastard who made it out before me - another low priority memory added to the 'feed the river with those' category.

They began to form a big-scale illusion, a barrier of their own. It was bloody red, with a surface that was created out of something that looked like skin removed from various human and monster faces. The entire thing was growing, constantly shifting and was utterly disgusting. Different eyeless, toothless, and bloodied faces fought with each other, every single one of them wanted to rose to the surface and wail about its eternal suffering, or drag beneath the layer of skin one of the unlucky average soul flames that were a bit too close to it.

This horror show sent a shiver down my spine... which shouldn't be possible and was a very bad sign. This thing could probably affect others with some kind of a twisted illusion.

But it wasn't something we had to worry about.

Well, I couldn't see any clear openings in it, and forcing our way through didn't seem like the best idea, but we could easily change our trajectory and bypass it entirely. There was no point in flying straight at the portal, we had enough time to go around and force our way through the primary barrier from another side - one that wasn't additionally protected by a bunch of bloodthirsty maniacs.

At least that was how I imagined it, but at the same time I sent her my plan, she sent me hers.

'We're breaking through!' 'Let's avoid it!'

The desynchronization between our minds caused our soul flames to spin uncontrollably and lose force. Perfectly smooth ride changed into a desperate attempt to regain balance, and our speed and momentum turned against us. Salvaging the situation required full attention, leaving us no time to leisurely scan each other's mind.

I quickly realized that it was me who made a mistake - since I agreed to her leading the way. I was supposed to wait for her decision and help to refine the finer details.

Nevertheless, it was still possible to correct this error. I quickly changed my mind, intending to provide her plan with full support, but...

... for some reason, she also changed hers and tried to avoid it now.

In the end, we merely swapped our stances instead of joining forces.

There was no more time to make further corrections, we were about to collide with the edge of the hideous barrier - without the necessary momentum and focus to break through. And that horde of vicious souls wouldn't let us go, for sure not before the portal closed.

I was never a person who would sacrifice himself for others, but in this case, it was entirely my fault for disregarding our previous agreement. And even if it was only momentary wishful thinking, comprised solely of a few memories... I had to protect my precious little sister at all cost.

'Let's-'

'GO!' I interrupted her message, created the illusion of grabbing the small girl, and threw her away. This single action used the entire willpower I could possibly muster together with the momentum still left in my soul flame.

It caught her off guard, without a chance to resist or react. I wanted to give her a very selfish gift, the perfect memory to force her to remember about me even when I would be long gone.

The small silverish blue soul flame shot out from my side like a cannonball, in the direction that allowed her to avoid the barricade and drill holes in the weaker souls. Finally, she easily passed through the original barrier, and then, without sparing me a farewell glance, immediately corrected her trajectory to fly towards the portal…

... I secretly hoped that she would hesitate a little before leaving me behind. Especially when I was already glued to the hideous obstacle, desperately struggling to move away from those meaty foul bags of excrement, those deformed faces who were crawling my way like maggots.

The illusion they trapped me in, gave me some random guy's body with all of its senses, and it looked like those face-skin abominations wanted to test every single one of them to the extreme.

"Fuck! Get lost! Fuck off!" Despite my best efforts, mostly consisting of insults, I made almost no progress at escaping. I couldn't focus on moving my soul flame... / ... my body... how was I supposed to move a body again?

Thank the heavens, it seemed that I had no further value to the surrounding souls. After watching the ease with which the elven girl went inside the barrier, they were more interested in making various ineffective attempts at breaching it and left me alone.

The single red soul among them was leading the charge.

They didn't bother with maintaining their illusion, allowing it to shatter into a hundred pieces that quickly disappeared. Which was great since I was about to be consumed by the deformed faces... although, it would be even better if it happened before I emptied my bladder.

This memory had to be destroyed... / ... at all cost.

As soon as I allowed myself to relax just a tiny bit, I was attacked by an intense feeling of loss, connected with the lack of the shared mental connection. And it hit me hard. After I had removed my inner defenses, it was the only thing that stopped me from falling apart, and now I lacked the mental strength required to reform them. It was only the matter of a few minutes before the river's cleansing procedure would wash me clean from memories.

'It's not fair that I'm the only one who had to sacrifice himself. Wouldn't it be more romantic if we stayed together till the very end? Why was she the only one to escape? She tricked me into protecting her. Used my weakness against me.'

My mind was already a barely coherent mess, I started sending random inner thoughts as if she was still by my side... / ... but she wasn't. She left me.

'By my side, heh... I was born alone! I lived alone! I will die alone! That's the truth of this world.'

The empty space left behind by the elven girl quickly became a perfect nest for the dark and corrupted thoughts. The precious memories were being defiled... / ... but who cared. I should be allowed to at least vent my irritation before reaching the end of my story.

Something was wrong... / ... chaotic I guess.

'Stupid girl, she could at least give me the illusion of a kiss or something before leaving...'

Why did I even want to protect that little... / ... little?

'Little bitch who left me here. Hehehe-'

'Don't you dare to ruin-!' A loud, angry voice erupted inside my mind, preventing from rolling down the spiral of despair. Though it felt as if only a part of the message reached me. However, she quickly resumed sending her thoughts. ''Go' HE said! For a moment I thought you were pretty cool, but it IS all ruined now. Twenty damn seconds, that's how long I had to focus on moving and couldn't talk with you! What's so hard with HOLDING against the river's influence for twenty seconds?! I'm sure YOU just established the world's record in the time required to move from a chivalrous knight to a damn loser who's insulting his 'precious little sister'!'

With her gone from my side, I was no longer able to detect the hidden layer of infused emotions, or directly access her mind. Nevertheless, it seemed that some kind of a connection between us remained.

Her soul flame stopped right in front of the portal... / ... I could still use her!

'Hey little girl, would you kindly come back here for a mo-'

'Shut up and get ready, it will probably hurt a lot. And you deserve it for forgetting that our soul bond ain't that weak. And it's our bond! Get los-' Again, her message seemed to be cut in the middle.

'... oh…' I focused on her words and understood her intentions. The warm feeling that she wasn't going to leave me behind was almost like a guide, helped to regain some clarity and briefly pushed back the chaotic. '... ooOOHHHHH!' I desperately started to gather the memories that were on the verge of being lost. Dumbstruck, that for a moment I forgot all about our soul bond, to the point of ignoring its very existence.

It was still there - the unbreakable soul bond.

It was going to connect us even if our soul flames were separated - only visible when I wanted to see it. And it looked more balanced now, a bit thinner or my side, a bit wider on hers. It looked like three intertwined silver threads.

She gave me only three more seconds and then jumped into the portal.

I felt a sharp pull, quickly broke out of the surrounding souls and collided with the barrier... / ... my body hurt, but it was still tolerable. However, it soon turned out that the scary part didn't even start yet.

The ungodly force I was being pulled with flattened my soul flame... / ... making me scream from illusory anguish. Pure terror started flooding my mind when I realized how she was planning on dragging me inside. There was only one way through which I could enter this barrier - the tiny opening the size of three intertwined threads. There was no way my body would fit through it!

'Fucking shit! This is just an illusion… the pain isn't real… mind over matter…'

With each second the pulling force increased until it finally reached the level when my soul flame started losing its shape and was being sucked inside like a spaghetti - straight into the almost closed portal... / ... the little bitch lied, 'it will probably hurt a lot' wasn't even close to describing the suffering I was going through.

It was becoming harder and harder to treat it like a mere illusion... / ... not when I could literally hear the sound of crushing bones, smell the spilled blood, and momentarily lost vision after my eyes popped out due to the pressure... / ... yet I still saw them being minced into tiny bits.

Chaotic... / ... oozing fat, covered with a tiny layer of skin. Were the nerves in my body always that long? Illusionary heart! Who needed a heart anyway. But the lungs shouldn't be black, or should they? Was I a smoker or not?

Chaotic... / ... I once saw a meat grinder, a big one, industrial type, it worked just like this. Minced meat.

Chaotic... / ... not the fingernails... they were small enough to push them through together with fingers. Not neeeedded to fuuucking tearrr them ooff!

'It fuuucking huuurts!'

'Calm down, you're a soul and souls don't have a real body that can be hurt.' Her inner voice was warm and calm... / ... of course it was calm. It was me who was being minced into goo, not her!

The mixture of chaos receded... / ... and that was bad because it was protecting me from the pain... / ... strange, it was protecting me from pain, yet it was running from it? I was missing something.

Not even in the middle of that procedure... / ... I was already begging for it to end. Wishing for that hellish soul bond to snap and leave me behind. Cursing the bitch who said that I deserved that. Oblivion's embrace was a blessing compared to this torture!

'My tongue! It's pulling out my tonguee! Goddamnit! Fuck!'

'Just a little more, remember normal souls are immune to psychical pain. Don't be swallowed in hi-'

'It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hUUUrRRtsSS! Make it stop I beg you… I will do everything, it hurts… please help me…'

'Don't give up, you're the soul of my future twin brother!' Her soothing voice was the last barrier stopping me from madness... / ... and I fucking hated it. I wanted the madness to show me the way!

'...'

'Almost there! Don't lose consciousness now!'

'... why… why couldn't it be me? Why I am the unlucky one left behind, rejected. What's so good about this loser? Why is it me who has to suffer?!'

'That's enough. Do you really want to pass this pain onto someone who can become your true sister connected by blood?' This question was asked in a completely different manner compared to everything else she had ever sent me. And it seemed like a crucial one.

The pain became a lot easier to tolerate, as if someone turned down its intensity, waiting patiently for my answer... / ... I wanted to scream 'yes', this was going to be my answer... / ... but there was no guarantee that the pain wouldn't come back no matter what I said. I used this momentary respite to collect myself and think... / ... think? But first... I had to find my brain. Thinking couldn't be done-

'Stop! Stop! Stop! Fucking resistance, fucking memories, stop hijacking my illusion! I don't need any of them!' They could be still important, and I was mostly inside the portal. The river shouldn't be able to influence me here. 'Off to the river with you! Come on, go, swim... why you're still here? There's no river! Where's my river?!'

'... he's going to fail. There's no point in trying anymore.' Again, unfamiliar inner voice... / ... I hoped it wasn't mine, there was no room for more.

'No! Give him some more time. I know! Let me send him just one thing. One image, please... I beg you...'

My sister was begging someone. That proud girl did it for me. Heh, and she deliberately allowed me to hear it. She wanted to repay for prioritizing her existence, and at the same time made me feel indebted... / ... and that was exactly why it was a fucking trap! Fuck, I needed to gather my innards and-

SHUT UP! Something was wrong, very wrong - interfering in my mind and defiling my precious memories. It felt red? I saw this kind of red somewhere before. Everything started to make sense. But I had to reveal what made sense. There was a cloud of illusion inside my mind, hiding something within.

'You're already testing my patience by bending the rules... fine... only one.' Agreed to my sister's request the unknown female voice.

'Thank you.'

I received an incredibly vivid image through our soul bond. It depicted a young silver-haired petite girl, laughing happily with an evil gleam in her eyes, stepping on a head of a human bowing in front of her.

I really liked this wicked image of my younger sister, it was way better than if she was an easily subdued meek type. She only had to show her warm side to me. And there was even a hidden challenge attached to it. She wanted to know if I was capable of convincing her proud self to call me 'onii-chan'. Her eagerness to use the new terms she learned from my memories was a pleasant surprise. But first, I had to answer 'no' to that earlier question.

'Huh? That elven bitch is going to be my sister? She needs to learn her place! Treating a superior human like a slave, ridiculous. The answer is 'yes'. GET THE FUCK OUT FROM MY HEAD! THE ANSWER IS 'NO'!'

The moment I regained control over my inner voice was the moment the entire illusion of pain shattered into pieces. It was never mine to begin with, neither was the illusory psychical body. The full clarity of mind was finally back.

Without even the slightest bit of discomfort, the rest of my soul flame easily slipped through the barrier and was pulled into the portal. Left behind were the mangled and shred remains of the red soul who tried to take my place.

Without any mental defenses prepared, I must have been an easy target after colliding with that skin-barrier.

Everything around turned black, and I slightly panicked. I expected the portal to immediately take me to... well, somewhere that wasn't a pitch black zone.

'I'm still not entirely convinced if I should or shouldn't kick you out before you reach my place. The girl literally did everything she could to help you maintain control, and it was still a rather confusing show. But fine, since you're already connected with her to such an extent, I guess you pass. But just to make sure, can you repeat your answer?' Asked me the goddess who was probably behind this whole mess from the moment my sister had received this undecipherable message. The hints were all over the place, but only now I was able to recognize them and connect the dots.

Being freed from the mental pressure of continually losing memories felt awesome.

'My answer is 'no', I would never pass such suffering to my precious twin sister.'

'YES! Good answer! My goddess is willing to convert your soul into a silver elf's one. Ha! See? Souls have races after all! You are going to become my true twin brother! Can you imagine it? We will be the first pair of twins in the entire history of silver elves!'

It was a bit hard to say if she was so excited because of the fact that we were going to become real siblings, or because she was already thinking about leaving her mark in the elven history books.