Chapter 75 Apologies

The woman looked taken aback, then a look of confusion and a pain written smile replaced her shocked expression. When Jay realized the stupid thing he had said, he immediately apologized.

"I'm sorry. It's just you feel very familiar." Jay's head was down in shame. His mother had been dead for years! He was there for her burial!

"It's alright. You are like a son I lost." When Jay looked back up to meet her gaze, she was already gone.

He took a moment to breathe and stood up sitting himself back on the wheelchair. It was time to go back and apologize. When he came back to the room to his surprise everyone was still there, it seems as thought they were waiting for him.

"Finally came back huh?" Gun said, sarcastically. Jay knew this was a sign that Gun was pissed.

"Yeah...um..." Jay didn't know how to start. "I'm sorry...for everything..."

Gun snorted, Amber just crossed her arms in front of her chest, and Jace just silently stared, waiting for him to continue.

"I should've stayed and let you all help. I should've just ask for help. I'm sorry about everything that has happened. I'm really, really sorry." He bowed on the wheelchair his chest meeting his knees, he shook off the pain in his ribs but the feeling of his wounds opening up made him wince a bit. "I understand if you can't or won't forgive me."

Silence filled the room as Jay stayed bowing down until a hand was placed of his shoulder.

It was grandpa Jace.

"We all make mistakes Jay. We all do. But all that matters is that you own up to it." Jace forced Jay to sit back up. "You see Amber? She was worried sick, crying to sleep because of your damned choices. Gun was also worried and it distracted him when he was on a high class mission. Almost costing his life...and the Ivanov family too, me, everyone in the FL was worried because of your damned choice! The wrong one you've made! And yet others suffered more then you!" Jace kicked Jay straight in the stomach landing Jay stumbling off the wheelchair and into a wall.

Jace threw another kick when Jay stood up, balancing himself on his good leg.

And another.

This barrage of kicks stopped when Jay failed to get back up. Jace sat back down on the couch. "Do you regret it? Do you feel like you've sinned against the whole world?"

Jay just sighed as he somehow managed to stand. "I do." He managed to say.

"Well, what are you gonna do about it Jay? You've done what you've done, and the damage is already done..." Jace paused "You broke our Family Code. Never turn your back on family. Yet you did."

It seemed Jace was rubbing salt on Jay's wound, all the while provoking him. Jace wants Jay to explode, let out everything, every thought in his head.

"You know what to do." Jace threw a knife at Jay who picked it up with shaking hands. "Do it."

Jay had never seen this side of his grandpa. The grandpa he knew was warm, and caring. Jace had always tried his best to be a good father figure in Jay's life. But seeing this side of him only made Jay feel the greater weight of the outcome he's made himself.

Jay took a breath and another taking the time he had left to stare at Gun, then Jace and finally Amber. Those pair of hazel brown eyes he thought of when he got injured, every night those eyes would appear and stare at him in pain, and longing. How he missed those eyes, her face, her voice; her everything.

"Is that your way of dealing with this? Running away?" Amber said, her voice shaking. "Where has the 'I won't give up on you' or the Jay I know that didn't run away no matter what? Where has he gone?"

Amber's outburst was the last straw and something snapped inside Jay.

"He's gone okay?! Long gone! If the Jay you're looking for isn't me, look for him in the graveyard! I'm sorry I've changed and I'm sorry that I give up on thing so easily now! But this is how I cope with things! This all I can manage to do! I'm sorry I've turned my back on everyone, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. But if you're looking for the old Jay, who I was before, if you ever find him tell him that I need him back! Tell him you need him back!"

Jay's breathing had quickened, his heartbeat skyrocketed. He didn't regret it. The first bit of weight was lifted off his shoulders, he felt a bit more free. Then he felt himself getting weaker, and weaker to the point where he just felt numb. The knife in his hand dropped to his feet. He went along with the knife as his face painfully hit the ground.

Everything turned black.