Dropped like a dead person

Okay so first thing first, this is not a oh hey you got a system and everyone will eventually kneel 😂 its more like oh shit this system is out to kill me, and ge has to fend for himself. So far the story is simple but the system makes you open your eyes . seems realistic also. Great job. Needs work but its on the right track.

You have a great story going on with few grammatical errors. Also you should try adding commas, instead of "System what time is it? " make it "System, what time is it?" Aside from that, instead of "thats" you should add apostrophe, "that's" "what's" "where's". Please add the speech marks " " whenever a character is speaking. I suggest you add a bit more detail about their actions and the expressions the characters have. For example; "Mom, Dad, can you lend me some money?" I asked as I approached them. They looked at me for a moment. I saw my dad shrugged before he picked out his wallet from his pocket. "Sure. Here's some $500. Buy me some shirt while you're at it." Something like that. ☝️ That's why I gave the writing quality 3 stars. I don't how often you update but I'm going to give it 5 stars. As for the story development, 5 stars. So far, the events happening in the story is good. Character design: 3 stars. I think you need to put more description to your characters. World background: 3 stars. Just like the character design, you need to put description here too and maybe more details about the cultivation? Like explaining how it works or something. The story you have in mind is actually good but I just find it lacking. Anyway, keep on improving and your story is really good and is promising 😀😀😀

It’s a good novel that is improving itself constantly. I have to say that the characters are actually quite fun to read about, and it seems to have a perfectly stable update thus far. The story is developing quite nicely and the comedy is on point👌 There are a few grammataick errors, but the author is fixing this. I must mention that this book is mostly narrative and speaking. So if you are into that kind of thing or if you want to try that out then I recommend this👍

Hey author here, thanks for reading, I will try to post two chapters a day, if I get any sort of following. If you have any issues feel free to troll!

Hey Webnovelist! Good day for writing! If you want to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new works, you might want to email rebecca.review@outlook.com. We are mainly looking for adventure novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game). A brief introduction, along with a few samples or links, will be appreciated when reaching out. You might be our next top writer!

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.