Ch 5 Dear God No

Arthur~~~ Y = YO + VOT + 1/2 AT2 solve for Y!

Figial~~~ What are you doing?

Arthur~~~ I help you because you're a good man I'm just trying to see how fast I can run away from Cassandra as soon as she is revived!

Figial~~~ Oh... Why?

Arthur~~~ I simply don't like her! ( She was a sarcastic bitch when she wasn't being shot at! Hell, she was most of the time then as well. less human than a collection of character defects )!

---A memory of the time they had to take a pillbox runs thru Arthurs' head!---

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~~~Flash Back~~~

Deep in a forest, a unit of soldiers advance upon a Pillbox alone with 5 soldiers manning 3 heavy machine guns.

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Cassandra~~~ Arthur flank left ial draw them right.

Arthur~~~ My left or theirs?

Cassandra~~~ Hay Pion I got an easy job for you! Run in front of their guns and hold onto their lead while I exchange some witty banter with them and have a round of drinks!

Arthur~~~ My left got it Fucking cow!!!

Cassandra~~~ What was that from the man who does the knuckle shuffle in his sleeping bag! Do you need more tissues or soiled underwear?

Arthur~~~ Yeah if you see a lady around ask her for her underwear.

Cassandra~~~ Wouldnt give you mine if you asked panty bandit!

Arthur~~~ I'm not asking you! I don't want men's size extra large!

Cassandra~~~ Hay thimble dick get moving or ial rip off your nuts before I take theirs!

Arthur~~~ You just love balls in your face don't you skank?

Cassandra~~~ Wait till we're done here I got something for you!

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Climbing up the hill Arthur ready,s a grenade just behind a rock. When he sticks his head out to throw it. Gunfire immediately pinned Arthur down delivered by the two fifty-caliber machine guns in the pillbox. Cassandra throws a grenade in a high arch into the pillbox as she does 5 bodies climb out like cockroaches after their hiding place has been reviled. Cassandra guns them all down one by one. Till there is only one left unarmed and frightened.

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Cassandra~~~ Go get my grenade and some ammo!

Arthur~~~ You forgot to pull the pin?

Cassandra~~~ nope! I didn't even try to pull it... who wouldn't run from one if it looked like it had no pin. Your welcome by the way unless your lives goal is to be a holy man cheese and all.

Arthur~~~ What if they pulled the pin and threw it back?

Cassandra~~~ On a rock sure they could have tried but by the time they figured it out they'd be dead. Which begs the question what do we do with this one?

Arthur~~~ You threw a rock? A fucking rock? I was in pinned down and you wanted to play grade school bully?

Cassandra~~~ Poor baby would you like to go nap-nap or a B.O.T.T.L.E?... No? Then mute yourself you obtuse creaton. Loot their ammo supply. I'm got some questions for this one.

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As Arthur and Figal walk back to the house they discuss coming back to the warehouse to revive everyone.

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Arthur~~~ So honestly what do we need?

Figial~~~ Phoenix Feather and morphing mushroom!

Arthur~~~ That's it?

Figial~~~ For now, I suppose.

Arthur~~~ So I think I can get the Phoenix feather, however, the mushroom I'm not too certain about. can you tell me where the Phoenix birds live?

Figial~~~ Let me introduce you to two adventurous who like you are both Adam borns.

Arthur~~~ Ok so after we finish this journey then what?

Figial~~~ Your seeing too far ahead!

Arthur~~~ Too far ahead? How do you mean?

Figial~~~ You first have to make it back alive.

Arthur~~~ you make it seem like I am trying to survive a bird.

Figial~~~ Well yes but the morphing mushroom is not easy to find nor is it easy to get away from.

Arthur~~~ A mushroom? Really... Who am I going with?

Figial~~~ Well there is Ted and Bill.

Arthut~~~ Finally normal names.

Figial~~~ Arthur... Casandra named them as well.

Arthur~~~ She named them Bill and Ted?

Figial~~~ Yes she has told them that they must continue going on excellent adventures together to learn more about this world.

Arthur~~~ Ted and Bill... Excellent adventures? I'm not so sure I get that insult or reference.

Figial~~~ are you certain she was as foul-minded as you claim.

Arthur~~~ listen I've been around her long enough to know she is four and a half feet of pain and alcoholism and will tear your world a fucking sunder you pepper haired bitch.

Figial~~~ Parden?

Arthur~~~ (Sigh) Sorry ever since I learned the evil witch Yubaba lives even in death im ridden with aggravation.

Figial~~~ Aggravation??? She too expressed this feeling when dealing with a concept twice.

Arthur~~~You don't say?

Figial~~~ I do! hence I just said it!

Arthur~~~ Do you know what slow as a rock may mean?

Figial~~~ Rocks don't move at all...

Arthur~~~ Fuck it moving on...

Figial~~~ You're quite good with magic. So much, in fact, you must have had some kind of deeper experience in it in your last life.

Arthur~~~ I came from a world of science war and civilization. magic just was not in the cards.

Figial~~~ Science... Can you teach me this science?

Arthur~~~ you don't know what a dipshit is im not teaching you "Science".

Figial~~~ ial teach you to cast fire.

Arthur~~~ Fuck it...Shure why not.

Figal~~~ Hazza!!! ok, first you must image an inferno and say clep-tino-moto-crimson.

Arthur~~~ Lemme point ( BOOM)

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As sarcastic as Arthur was for having to recite such jibberish upon pointing a humungous wall of fire erupted from the ground. This only encouraged Arthur to act as a legitimate asshole and point at things to burn!

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Arthur~~~ Got junk??? Call 1800 BURN the shit out of it.

Figial~~~ I am in awe of your ability. Far beyond that of a novice.

Arthur~~~ Why don't you teach me that spell. possibly I don't need the mushroom or the feather.