Chapter 10

I rushed out of the palace early today and cancelled the daily morning session with the officials. A few days prior to this, I was already faking an illness especially in front of Imperial Mother, or shall I simply say the Empress Dowager. I had one my eunuchs pose as me laying in the bed while everyone else kept watch. Both the Empress Dowager and Empress knew not to bother me when I am ill as they have learned their lessons before.

My heart raced as I rushed to see Zhen'er again by our secret place at the waterfall. I had sent a letter to her late last night for her to meet me there; I only hope that she can come. With so many eyes on Zhen'er now, she will be risking life and death to get to me. As I approach the place with my guard keeping watch, I saw another figure approaching. I nearly lost my breath, not because it was my first time seeing her after months or that she managed to come here. Rather what I saw for the first time was my Zhen'er dressed in female attire.

To think that she would use such a disguise that was not a disguise at all. For the first time she allowed part of her hair to hang over her shoulder while the other part was held up by a jade hairpin. She wore a dress as green as the grass with only a blue ribbon on her waist as contrast. As she came towards me my heart started to feel light. For many years I had hope that Zhen'er would appear in front of me as a woman. And today was like a dream come true, but unfortunately misfortune has accompanied it.

Once she was in arm's length I quickly grabbed her and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Zhen'er! I'm sorry, I wronged you…" I blurted. Her arms crossed over my back and returns my hug, but she did not say a word. "You were right about everything. All the officials that were once on my side either got sent away or was sentenced to death. Some have even curried favor for the Empress Dowager to stay alive and hold their positions. I just recently heard that the Empress Dowager sent for you and sentenced you to death. I promise that will not happen, I will do everything I need to do to stop it."

"Don't…it's too late now…" Zhen'er lightly mumbled. My body stiffens and my heart shook. I release her from my embrace, but quickly grab hold of her arms as if I was afraid that she would run if I let go. I stared into her hopeless eyes and saw lines of tears that had already formed on her face. "Shou Yi…it's already too late…I do not blame you…"

"Zhen'er, what do you mean?" I quickly questioned.

Clearing her throat she answered, "The Empress Dowager is powerful and has eyes everywhere, you should know that. If it was so easy for her to make you Emperor how easy do you think it is for her to replace you? Thus, even if you manage to save me, you will be in danger."

I was stunned and did not know what to say. It was unfortunate that my power was limited now, but I still couldn't let Zhen'er suffer such a fate.. "I will find a way, I promise. Even if it costs me the throne I will not hold back," I yelled.

Zhen'er gently shook her head as if was I said was childlike. "Do you remember what I said about everyone having responsibilities? You are the Emperor, you have the whole country to care for, you cannot act this way. And I as your subject am here to make sure that you and your citizens are safe, that is my responsibility. Even if I was not your subject there are other people whose safety I am responsible for. I cannot let danger fall onto them."

Tears that I tried to fight back ran down my face as I thought about Zhen'er leaving me. She was right that I could not be selfish, but I also couldn't lose her. Her hand suddenly touched my face and wipe away my tears. "Shou Yi…I know you care for me and I appreciate your feelings, but this is not a life that we can lead. There is too much that we must do and we cannot afford to make another mistake." I squeeze her hand against my face as we both wept at this ending.

"There is one thing I must ask you. As a good friend, I beg you to watch over Xin Yi for me. Take care of her as I would have…please, Shou Yi," she begged. "I cannot allow her suffer like how she once had. I want you both to have a good life. Promise me please, Shou Yi."

I pulled her into my arms once more with my face snugged into her neck. Trying my best to remember this warmth and scent, slowly I opened my mouth, "I promise…"