Chapter 2 : Trauma and Pain

Violent rays of light bore into my eyes as I set foot into the ring , making me squint my eyes in annoyance . I see Steve getting onto the ring , seemingly excited to maul me over.

" Alright my dudes, no killing each other ." Tony stands in the middle , eyes on both of us . " Well , this sucks, I get to murk people back at the Council." I utter in frustration . " Great , now I can't kill this scum." Steve says with a smirk on his face " Lucky you, Chris. You'll be living for another day."

The bell rings , indicating the start of the match , I let him have his shield on to indicate fairness . At the start I am on the defensive , dodging his attacks like it is nothing. A pain tore through my chest while I am standing at his face ,I kneel down and heave like crazy as I am trying to catch my breath . " Kill him." a voice erupt in my head , sending waves of pain throughout my being . Steve sees this as an opportunity and tackles me to the ground , smashing me with his shield . I lost control of my own actions and despite being heavily mutilated , I shove Steve onto the ground and start raining blows after blows on him. Another sharp pain blasts through my body , leaving me being temporarily paralyzed on the ground . Steve , with a smug look on his bloody face , " Looks like it ain't your day , boy." he guffaws as he slams his shield onto the wounds I have . In a fit of anger , I threw him across the room out of the ring and choke him , growling. " That's right , kill this bastard." The voice ushers in delight . Wanda , who read my mind , knows what is going on and yells " Fight him, Chris, don't let him control you!" . Instinct takes over and I pin him onto the floor , blood dripping off of me , my vision is getting blurry but I cannot help but focusing on whatever I am doing despite the humongous amount of blood loss.

Despite the pain , I relax my grip and Cap sends me flying . Pain shot through me like lightning as I cough up blood , staggering to get up but I do not let it show Natasha stands between us , putting the spar to an end . " That's too far, Rogers ." she hisses as she helps me up. " I can still go on." I mutter as I lose my balance . Yelena rushes over , with an arm on my waist , saying " This ain't them , don't overwork yourself."

I look at Steve and say " I only spare you because I made a promise to Mr. playboy over there." and stagger out of the hall . Once I reach my room , Wanda and Carol appear at the door , taking turns to tend to my wounds . " God, you managed to keep him at bay , that's good news." Wanda heaves a sigh of relief as she inspects the wounds . The rest look at her in unison , seemingly lost. " I have Deykov in my damn head , he can't see or know what I'm doing but he sure knows how to attempt at controlling me ." I sigh as I look up at the ceiling . I look at them , especially at Natasha and Yelena ." After they know that I helped on your escape , they assume that I know where you guys are which in fact , I have no clue about . They tortured me to get info they can't get and in the end , make me their own super soldier and Dreykov's most loyal slave . The reason why they lost control of me is thanks to Yelena stunning me , leaving a gap in the system of control." I thankfully look at Yelena . Blushing , she answers with a " I can never repay for what you did for us ." . Natasha is still looking at me with tears in her eyes , then she hugs me , " Sorry, we , I couldn't go back for you ." . I have nothing to say except " As long as you guys are safe , all of this is worth it" After an hour or so , they leave my room , leaving me alone in this spacious room of mine .

This is the first night I sleep actually , on a bed as well. Memories of the place keeps flooding into my brain , the tests , the trainings , the screaming , the blood, jolting me awake , I land with a thump on the floor , the pain shooting through my body , I scutter to a corner ,heaving heavily as a panic attack is consuming me bit by bit . Natasha and Yelena barge into my room , hugging me with all they can , I avoid them , going insane by the minute . " Hey, it's us , you're okay." Natasha coos as she looks at me straight into my eyes , I calm down and with a shivering tone , I apologetically whisper " I'm sorry" . As they reassure me by saying stuff like it is fine and all , I unconsciously say " Your ledgers are now clean despite the 3 people you're forced to kill , mine is gushing and dripping red , I will never get out of this.". I am sure that they heard this loud and clear so I explain everything I said to them . " I transferred your burden onto mine , I made a deal . That's all I'm gonna say ." Yelena slaps me across the shoulder ," Why would you do such a thing ? You moron ." She cries as tears fall down her rosy cheeks . In a serious tone , " I will do whatever it takes to keep you two safe , even if it means putting myself at risk " I say with a glance towards Natasha who is also crying . I feel a pang of guilt as I see them wiping the tears off their faces . After a while , I escort them back to their room and just sat on my bed , staring into the vast view ahead.

I will do whatever it takes to protect them , no matter what the cost is , I want to at least protect the ones I could not in the past to make up for the lives I took and the blood I spilled.