Chapter 9 : Darkness And Light

I quietly make my way to my room and change , I then proceed to jog around the compound like usual . By the time I get back to the Tower , everyone is awake and going about doing their stuff . " Back from your run , I see." Steve chuckles as I walk into the Tower . " What else could I be doing ?" I ask sarcastically , he rolls his eyes at me as a response . I walk back to my room , take a shower and a fresh change of clothes and join them . " Man , you do like the color black , white and grey , don't you?" Sam asks , eyeing me . " It's for not drawing any attention onto myself , Sam ." I say , looking at him sternly .

" Looks like someone's in a grumpy mood ." Pepper chuckles as she walks past . " This is how I always am . " I sigh as I stretch myself . We all gather at the table , eating breakfast and talking . I study the documents they have as they are all laughing and talking among themselves . " Don't push yourself , here , eat something ." Natasha passes a plate of toast to my direction. " It's fine , I don't feel like eating , thanks ." I utter without looking at her . " I somehow lost my appetite , sorry ." I add to not make her feel bad . " It's fine , don't worry about it . " she chuckles as she looks at me .

" Tony , we have visitors ." Jarvis announces , " They're finally here, you're going to be excited for this , Chris ." he adds , seemingly excited . " I guess. " I reply , still breezing through the documents . " Ah , glad you all came ." he laughs . I catch a whiff of a familiar scent as I hear footsteps getting closer but I am not sure if it is me hallucinating or another prank of his . " After receiving an invitation from the Tony Stark himself ? Of course we're coming . Who is it you want us to meet ?" a familiar voice echoes through the room . I lift my head as my ears perk up and my gaze falls upon the group of people and I instantly recognize them . " Ray , Emma , Norman and Isabella . It's been a while ." I say , keeping my calm composure . " It's you." a woman , the oldest of the group gasps and whips out a gun . Natasha has her gun drawn as well as Yelena, " Whoa , is this how you repay someone who broke you all out ?" I ask in annoyance , " Isabella ." I add , which causes her eyes to widen . I gesture for Natasha and Yelena to put down their firearm and show them the numbers on my neck . " Remember this ?" I ask as I look at them coldly ,they all touch the numbers on their neck . " 030711, the one and only subject with six numbers on the neck , Lambda's finest subject ." Ray mutter in shock . " Finest ? I'm nothing but a slave ." I scoff . " You think too highly of me ." .

"How did you , wait , aren't you supposed to be dead ? We saw you die ." Emma asks , a facial expression of disbelief written across her face . " Unfortunately , I'm still alive ." I say , maintaining my cold composure . " You made it out ." Isabella runs to me and pulls me into a hug . " What happened to the tension earlier ? Aren't you going to kill me ?" I sarcastically ask . " My bad on that , sorry ." she mutters . " Ah jeez , there goes my chance to die , I guess." I scoff . " Anyways , nice meeting you peeps again . If you excuse me , I have some stuff to do , since Sir Tony invited you here , you can chat with them for a bit ." I walk back to the stack of documents and continue where I left off. I hear Natasha and Isabella apologizing to each other for the outburst earlier and sense someone sitting next to me .

" Go on and say hi , don't bury yourself with work ." Yelena says, putting her hand on my back . I look away to see Natasha and Isabella with her as well . " Just a habit , I read every document before any missions so I just can't help it ." I reply , reading through the documents . " Take your time , you'll get used to it ." Natasha gets up and sits by my left . " I guess . " I softly reply . " So, how was it ?" Isabella asks, " Gotten more worse after y'all left , tied me down in chains and whatnot . " I answer without looking up. " Tried escaping , they either regain control of me or they stun me to the point where I'm not capable of fighting back ." I continue on , my eyes still glued to the documents . " Oh ." she trails off , seemingly not sure what to say. I look up at them , sigh and stretch my arms as they are becoming stiff.

" The rest , you should prolly know from them by now ." I utter , reorganizing the documents . " Strange that neither of us have info on you ." Yelena chuckles . " It's mainly because of this is what makes me the prized possession , the ultimate killer . Because you don't know what to expect from me and that is what makes people terrified ." I say , shrugging my shoulder . I look at them , " You're feeling guilty aren't you ?" Natasha asks , she seems to always get me at the weirdest timings possible . "What do you mean ?" I scoff as I look at her . " I can tell , what happened to us isn't your fault ." she assures me while gently playing with my hair . " I could've prevented it but I didn't ." I whisper , my brows creasing into a furrow . " What ?" she asks . I shake my head as a reply , " Nothing ." I answer. With a laugh , she says " Your expression doesn't say it's nothing . ". " Just thoughts running through my mind , nothing important ." I reply with an eyebrow raised .

I walk away to return the documents and Natasha and Yelena are following closely . " May I help you with anything ?" I ask as I place the documents back . " You're hiding something from us ." Natasha says , " You know we -" . " You won't cause me any harm , yada ,yada ,yada . I get it ." I cut her off . " Look , I know I'm excessively wary of people but that's how I have been , it's not a habit to just shrug off easily " I sigh , " I know , take your time , it's fine " she smiles , " I'm sorry for going off like that ." I mutter apologetically , to which she replies ," Don't be , I get you , alright?" With a sigh , I look at her and say " I'll have to talk to Stark for a bit ." With a nod of agreement , they both stay and I walk over to where Tony , Ray and Norman are. " Hey , Sir . May I speak with you for a minute ?" I ask , ignoring the gazes burning into my skull. " Sure , why not ?" he chuckles , " See you two in a bit ." he speaks to the duo as he drags me to a corner . " What's up ?" he asks , " You haven't told anyone about my parents , have you ?" I ask , raising and eyebrow . " Don't worry , your secret is safe with me, my lips are sealed ." he smiles . " Thank you , Sir" I bow down as a sign of gratitude . " Now , stop with the formality , we're a family now ." he chuckles . " My bad." I scratch my head . " I'm heading to the field , if anyone asks , just say that , will you?" I ask as I walk off . " Will do ." he replies with a guffaw which can be heard from across the room .

I find a spot under a tree and lay down , the shade provided by the leaves and the cool breeze is giving me a weird sense of comfort . I let out a sigh as I am relieved because Tony has not told anyone about my parents yet. My ears perk up as I hear rustling from a distance and catch a whiff of two familiar scents , " What are you doing here ?" I ask without looking back . " Tony said you'll be here ." Yelena says as she sits down with Natasha on my right . I stay silent as I look at the vast view in front of me . " What do you usually do when , you know ." Natasha asks and I gulp as I look at her . " It's okay if you don't want to tell us ." she says as she puts her hand on my shoulder . " It's fine , " I say " You mean during my free time back there?" I ask . She gives me a small nod , " They won't let me out after having me escaping from them numerous times and don't want to risk it , so since the beginning I'm kept in my cell , there was a small window , I used to do numerous things , training or I'll just stare at the walls and the sky that the window shows me , or I'll just read documents . " I answer . "From time to time , I would be dragged out of the cell to be used as a vessel for them to vent their anger on , especially Dreykov , bastard has anger issues . They also put me up on random fights or drugs for entertainment ." I add on . "What? You have to go through this and you say we've been through worse ?" Yelena snaps at me . " I mean , I can endure those so I won't see it as worse ." I let out a sarcastic chuckle . I sense them laying down to join me in watching the cerulean blue mast above us , " Aren't you two supposed to entertain them ?" I ask , " They've left." Natasha answers . I let out a sigh and can feel that they are waiting for me to say something .

" What ?" I question them as I sit up . " Spill it , I don't mind ." I add on as I look at the both of them , a frown creasing on my face . " Have you ever met your parents ? Your real ones ?" Yelena asks , her eyes casting a gleam of curiosity . I can feel a my throat tightening , my heart thumping hard against my chest and my blood running cold . " I supposed you two have met yours ." I look up , trying hard not to stutter . " Mine's are still in Ohio , gettin' old . " she chuckles , Natasha looks at me , seemingly knowing what I am about to say . "I'm sorry for your loss , Natasha , but I'm sure , up above , they're bloody proud of you . " I mutter . " You knew ?" she asks , tilting her head . " I've known for a long time , I even visited their graves when I escaped once . Hell , I even know them before they ...." I trail off .

" I know , you had to ." she softly speaks .

" I know , you saw , you can hate me all you want , even kill me right here and then . I deserve it " I look at her , her eyes are getting glassy.

" No , why would I ? You were forced to do so ." she smiles as a tear falls from her eye , " I know that they wouldn't want me to murder the person who saved their kid . "

" You know , Melina and Alexei said almost the exact same thing before they're discarded . " I say , looking at the sky once more .

" They what ?" Yelena asks , " I thought you'd know " I mutter . " They got executed because they're apparently deemed as unusable ."

"I'm sorry that you two have to hear this from me ." I look away . " They asked me to look after you two before they go , as if I'm not thinking about the same thing . " I stand up , avoiding eye contact with them " Their last words are " We're proud of them always , they may not be our biological children but we love them always . The best widows we have ever encountered"" .

Yelena and Natasha look at me , teary eyed . I feel a pang of guilt and I turn away , " You know you can always come to me if you guys need anything , be it vital or not , yeah ?" I say as I stand in place . I feel two pairs of hands pulling me into a hug . " Of course , buddy , we're the same to you too , okay ?" Yelena chuckles . " Alright . " I escort them back to the Tower as they're both laughing at a joke Yelena cracked .

Dinner time comes sooner than I expected and we are all gathered at the table . I sip on a cup of coffee , deciding to skip dinner for once and zone out as the rest are talking among themselves . I feel a slight nudge and snap back into reality , I turn to Yelena and with a smile she says " You haven't answer my question earlier , have you ever met them?" . " Huh?" is the only word that comes out from my mouth as I try to recall what she asked . " Your parents." she answers . My neck goes stiff when I hear her words . " Chris?" Tony asks from across the table , " No , I've never met them , they probably are living a better life out there somewhere ." I answer . " Have you ever thought of looking for them ?" Bucky asks , " No , I don't want to disturb them , they probably think I'm a disappointment to them anyways looking at how I am now . " I answer nonchalantly . " I'm sure they'll understand , they'll be proud to how strong you came out to be . " Natasha pats me on the shoulder as she looks at me , smiling . " I guess." I look up at the ceiling .

" This is utterly weird , I'm a sinner at the grace and mercy of the saints . Lucky me . " I sigh as I lean back against the chair . " What do you mean ?" Wanda leans forward , smiling ." I've done unforgivable things , and yet I'm at a table with the people to whom I'm supposed to be a threat for . Darkness and the light kind of theory , y'know ?" I look at her . " I'm the sinner , you all are the saints . " I add on . " Someone once said " Everyone deserve a second chance , a chance for redemption . " . " Tony says , his eyes fixated on me . " And from whom did you hear that from ?" I ask with a sigh .

" Christopher . Hanzo also used to say the same thing too." he says , chuckling. " Oh . " he utters as he realizes who he was referring to .

" I see. " I look down as I add on , " Do I deserve it though ? After all the things I've done , I think I'm way past the point of redemption and saving ."

" No matter how bad it is , everyone deserves forgiveness. "

I silently look at him , not saying a word. " Well , looks like I missed a golden chance to meet those two wise peeps , eh ." I scoff , " They're not here , I'll assume they heroically sacrificed themselves ." I feel all of their gazes are onto me . " You know them ?" Steve asks , sternly looking at me . " Bloody hell , no , I don't . Stop pointing your bushy eyebrows at me . " I say in annoyance . Dinner ends after a while and we are all doing what we do to entertain ourselves .

" Hey , would you mind talking in private ?" Tony grabs my arm and drags me to a corner . " Look , I'm sorry , I should've think before I say anything ." he apologetically looks at me . " No worries , Sir , I see no harm in that . Besides , I'm the one who asked ." I look at him , raising an eyebrow .

As I walk away , he asks " Do you mean what you said ?" . I stop in my tracks , " What is it that I said ?" I ask without looking back . " That we're saints ?" he asks again , " Of course , your ledgers are clean . " I answer as I walk off and go back to my spot by the window . My nose scrunches up as I think of the past and how I am still the same even though I'm no longer locked in a cell . They are indeed saints , all of their bloods , are on my hands , not theirs after all. I feel the seat next to mine is sinking , I turn to look at Natasha's gaze staring right at me . " You seem troubled ." she says , " Do I ?" I ask , to which she chuckles . "It's getting late , let's get you to bed , Nat ." I say as I get up and we both get to our respective rooms . " Get some rest , you look drained . " she laughs as she turns to look at me while closing the door . I nod at her and close mine , I drop onto the bed and stare at the ceiling .

I don't have the heart to tell them everything that I know , seeing that they are okay the way they are . If darkness is created to protect the light from the unknown void then I'll be willing to stay in the dark for them . For me , this is the least I can do to make amends for the pain and suffering I have caused . The people they were forced to kill off , it was all because of me . That is a fact that they have to acknowledge sooner or later . They do not know much about me unless I tell them myself because they have absolutely no information about me except for the fact that I am a trained killer , which gives me a sense of relief because I do not think they have the mental and emotional capacity to know me for who I truly am . If that is the case , I am also willing to take those deep , dark secrets with me to the grave , if dying is actually possible for me .