Chapter 11: Sense Of Overwhelmingness

With a groan , I get up at exactly 1:00 A.M. . " Another sleepless night." I mutter as I go out for a run and back in again. It is still early as no one is awake yet , " I must be a tad bit too early ." I mumble as I get into the documents room and take a look around . As I breeze through the files , I see a few of them that give me a sense of uneasiness .

" Hanzo " the name imprinted on the document . With a heavy sigh , I flip open the pages . The first thing that greets me is the picture of said person , Hanzo himself . I stifle a shaky sigh as I look at what is written on the document , " Deceased " , " Murdered . ". I let out a sharp gasp as I know who is their actual murderer , " Preparator of death : Council . " , " Murderer : unknown .".

As I lose myself within the pile of documents , a knock on the door makes me flinch hard . " It's too early to read , y'know ." Tony leans onto the doorframe . " Sorry for entering a restricted area , Sir . " I utter as I calm my composure . " It's fine , buddy , you have access to it anyways . " he chuckles as he goes to put his arm around my shoulder .

"Wanna join us for breakfast ?" he asks as he struggles to keep his arms on my shoulder because I am taller than him .

"I guess." I look sideways .

We make our way to the dining room and are greeted by the sight of daily hustle and bustle , Tony zooms to his seat next to Pepper and starts stuffing his mouth with pancakes . I am glued to the spot as if my feet are dipped in cement , this deadening feeling is slowly getting to me . " Morning , Chris , come on , dig in ." Natasha grabs me by the arm and plants me down at my seat , which snaps me back to reality . " Where did you find him ,Tony ?" Steve asks as he eyes me , " The file room ." he answers with his mouth full . Maria glances at me and I know what she is going to say , " I rearranged them neatly , Hill . " I say without looking at her . " Oh , I was just about to ask if you had fun in there ." she chuckles . "What's the fun in reading files ?" I look up at her whilst in the middle of picking my food .

When I finish my plate of bacons and egg , I take a swig from my mug of coffee and say " Sir Tony , I'll be out for a bit . " . He glances at me worriedly , " What for ?" he asks . " Just business , you know ." I shrug and he instantly know what I mean . " Sure . When will you be back?" he asks .

" As soon as possible?" I answer , circling my finger on the rim of the mug .

"What business?" Natasha asks , " Maybe I can go with you ."

" No , I can do this alone , don't worry ." I shake my head as I look at the mug . I feel her closing in on me . " What business?" she asks once more , seemingly relentless in giving up . " Nothing regarding the safety of the team , it's not like I enjoy working for the Council anyways ." I scoff as I put the mug and the dish into the dish washer . " Why are you asking anyways ?" I turn around and look at her , keeping my composure.

"I'm just worried." she answers, her face turning sad .

"I'm sorry to go off at you like that , but don't worry , I'll be fine . " I sigh as I grab her by the shoulders and pat them . She gives me a smile and indicates that it is okay. I let out another sigh and walk towards the door , once I reach a certain distance, I bolt towards the streets , shaking off any possible trackers . Once I confirm that I am not being tailed , I walk towards Danzer's .

" Ah , you came." Thompson chuckles as he looks at me . " Hello there, Sir." I utter as I make my way to the graves . I sit down on the grass , facing the two tombstones , the feeling of guilt is building up every passing seconds . "Hey , I got out , not like you don't know this already . " I sigh . " But guess what? The memories still haunt me , especially the ones about you . I may not be there physically but my mind is still there . " I whimper , my face creasing into a frown . " I don't know that me meeting these people is meant to be or not but I feel like maybe , my escape is a mistake ." I look up towards the sky .

As time passes , I sit there , pondering , which is weird for people to do so in cemeteries . " My mind is in a state of chaos , but I will figure things out like I always have . Goodbye ." I say as I stand up and walk away . " Leaving already ?" the senile old man smiles at me as I walk past him ." Yes , nice meeting you , Sir and bye ." I say as I make my way out of the cemetery. This feeling of overwhelmingness is at the brink of overpouring , I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief moment before I proceed to let out a shaky sigh and relax my tensed up shoulders. When I get back to the compound , I am greeted by gazes of concern .

I can hear someone calling me but I decide to ignore it and walk to my room when I feel a tug on my sleeve . " You okay?" Wanda asks , I just stare blankly at her as I say " Yes , I am ." and turn around once more . " You joining us tonight ?" Tony asks as I take a step forwards , stopping me in my tracks . " What for ?" I ask , not looking back .

"I've decided tonight is entertainment night , so would you be joining us?" he asks , his voice sounds pleading .

"Maybe , I guess ." I reply , not sure if I am in the right condition to actually mingle with people at the point .

It is already 5:10 P.M. , " How long was I lying here ?" I think to myself as I get up . I zoned off for a long while is what pops up in my mind . A knock on the door makes me jolt and I catch a whiff of the scent and it is Carol . " Yeah?" I ask as I stand up , " You coming to join us ?" she asks . I answer her with a " Yeah ." and hear her footsteps rapidly disappears . I get into a black hoodie and a pair of black sweatpants and make my way downstairs , the commotion in the common room getting more and more louder with each passing minute .

"Glad you can join us ." Tony laughs as I push open the door . I look around as I walk towards them , being wary of the surroundings . " So where have you been ?" Tony ask , leaning onto me , " Danzer's . " I mumble as a reply . He seems to heard what I said and say " What do you think about this ?" he asks , flashing his smile at me . " I rather stick to reading documents ." I answer , which makes him frown . " C'mon , don't be that stressed , alright ? It's safe here , you can do whatever you want ." he claps his hands as he says this . I look away as I do not seem to want to spoil the mood .

We are all gathered at a table and playing what seems like an ice breaker . " Don't you all know each other already ?" I ask as I look at them , " It's you that we don't know much about ." Yelena dips her finger into my arm , smiling . " Guess I'm going to be interrogated huh ." I utter as I let out a sigh . " Now , don't think of it that way , it's called ice breaker for a reason ." Pepper chuckles as she grabs her cup of coffee .

"Now that I have the time to look at you long enough, you look like them ." Steve utters as he keeps his gaze on me . " Who exactly ?" I ask , knowing what to expect . " Hanzo and Christopher , of course!" he claps his hands on his thighs as everyone look at me as if I am an animal locked in a cage , observing me .

"Now that you talked about it , I recall them having a son ." Natasha says . " If he's still alive then he would have been at your age and come look for us. We haven't heard from him ."

"Isn't the child a stillborn ?" Maria asks , " If he's still here then he would've be with us by now , I bet he even gets along with Chris right here ." she adds , chuckling .

Tony's face is filled with worry as he looks at me , expecting me to break down and admit that I am in fact the long lost son . " What do you mean ?" I ask , acting confused . " You must've read about them , no?" Steve asks , I pretend to think and then say " Oh , them , there's no record of them having a child . I've confirmed it too with the brokers . You people got me confused with the false statements there. "

"Right ." Bucky says , his tone full of suspicion . " To be fair , you do look like them , if they hypotactically have a kid , he would look just like you ." Sam adds . " That's a weird ..." I gulp for a bit , " Coincidence ." I add.

"You sure you don't know them ? I mean they were killed by the Council ." Steve asks , trying to force the truth out of me . " Hey , cut it out , Rogers." Tony nudge him in the stomach , " If he knows , he shouldn't be hiding it from us ." Steve scoffs as he whips his head to me, " He's a top class killer , who knows what he is capable of , I bet lying is one of them" he adds . " You're right , Rogers , I shouldn't ." I say , he smiles , thinking that he got me . " Truth to be told , I actually don't , be it how much you try to coax or force it out of my mouth , I can only tell you the same thing , I. Have . Nothing . To. Say. " I say as I look at him dead in the eyes . " Now this makes me wonder , why are we even trusting you , you are hiding something from us , I know it . " he snarls .

"One , I never asked for you all to trust me , you just did . Two , unless you want me to show you your place in my presence , let's have a go . " I growl at him , tensing up for a brawl . " Don't think I'm afraid of you , Rogers . 20 years ago , I saved your ass , talk about America's strongest soldier , think about it , all of your enhancements comes from a vial of biochemical substances . You're nothing special." I hiss as we both stand up ." Come on now ." Tony grabs me by the arm and drag me to the balcony . " Too far , Steve ." Natasha confronts him as I am dragged away , my eyes fixated on him .

" Hey, look at me ." Tony snaps his fingers at me , bringing my attention onto him . " I know what he said is getting onto your nerves but you have to calm down . " he softly implies . " What's going on ? You never reacted like this to his bullshit ." he looks at me , raising an eyebrow , " I'm in a rather grumpy mood today , sorry . " I utter , " It's fine , Rogers should really watch his mouth . " Tony sighs , " Look , I'm sure he didn't mean anything when he talked about your parents , yeah ." he adds.

"The only person who truly understands is himself , you can't say that for sure ." I say , " I'm not saying this on a whim but this is how people are , you think you know him but you don't." I add .

"I would be surprised if you actually do something on a whim ." he chuckles , " Let's get you inside ." he drags me back in . " Sorry buddy , I went overboard . " Steve apologetically . " I almost destroyed your ego so I think that's even ." I shuffle a bit as Tony lightly nudges me . Natasha looks at me with worry written all over her face , " I'm fine , I'm just in a rather grumpy mood today ." I assure her as I grab my cup . " Romanoff got you all kicked up , eh , Rogers . Looks like you still have a soft spot for women , maybe consider upgrading your taste in one too." I say as I sip on the cup of coffee . Everyone laugh at that statement , " You're getting more sarcastic with each passing minute ." Sam chuckles as he hold his abdomen while laughing . " That's the fourth time you said it , bird man , I'm not deaf ." I sarcastically say as I look at him .

A burst of laughter indicates that everything is good, I go back to my spot , my eyes not leaving Steve . Somehow , a wave of uneasiness is washing over me , it is like as if Steve knows something and wants to expose it to the others , which is why he is seemingly finding ways to do so . " Hey ." a voice makes me lose my attention on Steve , I look up and it's Natasha , looking down at me . " Yeah?" I ask as I readjust my gaze at Steve . " You know you can relax now , right?" she asks, her hand on my shoulder . " I think so ." I utter as I turn to look at her . She places a hand behind my back ,gently rubbing it . " You okay ? You look shaken ." she asks , to which I raise an eyebrow to her . " How so?" I ask .

" You look off when Steve mentioned them ." she says , her gaze not leaving me .

" I see, I'm fine , really . " I utter as I look back down at my feet .

"Guys , Sharon's here . " Tony announces with a hint of disgust in his tone .

"Great , Carter's one hell of a descendant ." I groan in exhaustion .

" Hey , guys ." a shrill voice pierced through the atmosphere .

" Hello , Sharon ." Steve shyly greets her .

" When I say you need to change your taste in women , I mean it . " I mumble as I walk away , not wanting to interact with the girl .

" Hey , you . What's your motive ?" she snaps at me , I roll my eyes as I make my way towards her .

" God , talk about being another Steve . " I say as I stop in front of her .

She immediately whips out a Glock and locks onto me . " Look , you don't want to do this and you will not like the aftermath. " I calmly remind her as I see Natasha and Yelena with their handguns out .

"Relax , Romanoff and Belova . She can't do anything to me ." I motion for them to lower their weapons as I keep my gaze onto Sharon . " Y'know , when Carter said that she will have a bunch of good children , this really is like making her swallow her own words . " I scoff while tilting my head .

" Don't you dare mention her name !" Sharon shouts as she looks at me .

" Put the gun down ." Natasha sternly warns Sharon .

" We all know what you are ." she snarls .

" Come on , it's do or die , either you drop the Glock or you pull the trigger ." I say as I look at her in the eyes .

Gunshots shatters the silence and smoke is emitting from the barrel of Sharon's Glock . I stagger a few steps back , blood dripping from the holes punctured by the bullets . Wanda's scream can be heard as I look down at the wounds , grab a dagger and pluck it all out . " You .... just what are you?" Sharon asks in fear .

" Your worst nightmare, girl." I glare at her as I walk towards her . Steve dashes to the front , blocking me from Sharon . " Don't try to be a hero , Rogers . Unless you want to have what she will be having ." I snarl at him as I push him away with ease . I grab Sharon by the neck and pin her against the wall , lifting her up with her legs dangling . " This is a warning , Carter , don't test me ." I snarl as I squeeze on her throat tightly , I then drop her to the ground , leaving her gasping for air . I walk away from her , sighing . " Don't make Peggy take back her words . " I add as I stop in my tracks without looking back . Natasha is looking at me , seemingly surprised . " The .45 are pretty blunt to be honest . " I say as I look down to the wounds that had healed up on their own .

" You okay ?" Maria asks as she checks me up and down . " I'm fine , I'm not that easy to kill anyways ." I scoff as I turn around to see Sharon on the ground , still gasping . " I reckon you're here for Rogers . Why would you be stupid enough to pull a gun on me ?" I ask , frustrated that she ruined my hoodie . She looks at me , too dumbfounded to speak . " What ? Cat got your tongue ?" I scoff as I glare at her . " Answer my question, Carter . I don't have the patience to wait ." I scowl as I keep my gaze at her .

" Hey .What do you think you're doing ?" Steve grabs me and intends to throw me across the room . I stand my ground and toss him around instead , " I'm not talking to you , Rogers . Are you mad because I almost snap your pathetic girlfriend's neck in half?" I ask as I turn back to Sharon . " Talk ." I coldly say to Sharon as I add a stressor in my tone . She looks at me , with tears in her eyes , " I just thought you're a threat since you are from the Council ." she sobs .

" You're way too easy to break , Carter . Solidify yourself ." I scoff as I walk away , " Did she do this to you too?" I question Natasha and she shakes her head , " No , all she does is talk bullshit ." she scoffs . I nod as a response to her statement , " Great , my hoodie is ruined . " I grumble as I continue on walking . " I can get you a new one ." Tony chuckles as he sips on his cup of tea. " No , thanks . I can still wear it ." I say as I reach the window . " I'm a threat , that's for sure . Who says I'm not?" I ask as I spin around , tilting my head. I am expecting a vicious blabber but no one say anything .

" Come on, I know you all want to say something . Just spit it out ." I scowl at them as I cross my arms . " You are one towards those who oppose you , but to us , you're one of us . Despite the outburst from Sharon here . " says Carol who is leaning against the wall . " Look , let's all enjoy ourselves , yeah. Don't get so grim because of one teeny weeny inconvenience. " Tony announces as he raise his cup of what is now whiskey and everyone go back to what they were doing . As I am pouring myself a drink at the bar , Sharon approaches me with caution . " What do you think you're doing , Carter?" I ask with a hint of suspicion . " I just want to say , I'm sorry." she answers sheepishly .

" Not so sincere but y'know what , I don't care ." I eye her up and down as she slowly takes another step .

"Stay where you are, I don't want to cause a scene ." I say as I put my glass of Old Fashion down . " Go on , talk to your Steve or something , I don't want you to be in my line of sight for the moment . " I utter as I look away . She backs off , seemingly dejected . With a sigh , I look upwards and stare at the ceiling with my mind scrambling about .

"Looks like someone is stressed ." Natasha sits down next to me . " Huh?" I query , " What's wrong ?" I add. " Not me , you ." she looks at me , raising an eyebrow . " Oh , I'm not stressed , just thinking ." I utter , " About what ?" she asks .

" Nothing important ." I answer , shaking my head.

She nods and pours herself a cup of whiskey . " You're as mysterious as always ." she chuckles. " How is thinking about a trivial matter important, Natasha?" I query as I gaze at her . " Just not knowing what you're thinking is sort of mysterious , you know . " she answers as she sips on the cup . " I suppose you should call it unpredictable and dangerous ." I say as I circle the pad of my finger on the rim of the glass. I can hear her sigh , " And why is that?" she asks .

" Do I really need to explain to you?" I answer her question with a question, which is normally the way I talk . She lets out a chuckle , I look at her , waiting for her to say something . " I know , I'm just trying to change your mind ." she says with a warm smile on her face .

" As you can see, I am quite stubborn ." I exhale deeply as I look back down at the glass .

She softly nudges me and says " Looks like Carol is calling us over , you want to go ?" . I hesitantly nod and we make our way to them . The laughter from them slowly dies down when our presence is known to them.

" Glad that you're willing to join us ." Tony excitedly claps his hands as I look at them one by one .

"Where's that runt ?" I ask , looking around for ambush .

" Ah , Sharon got drunk after 3 shots and already went back ." Wanda answers , knowing who I meant with that statement .

" Weak. " I scoff , as I sit down .

"So , what are we doing here?" Natasha asks , " Just hanging out , and play some games ." Sam , who is almost on the verge of passing out , blurts .

" Any suggestions ?" Tony points at me , raising an eyebrow ." None , Sir ." I utter, to which he whacks me over the shoulder , " Come on , now . Think of something entertaining ." he chuckles .

I pause for a moment , " How about chess?" I ask , " Not that entertaining but okay , at least you tried ." he sighs . " It's one of the few things that keep me entertained as far as I remember." I utter .

" Since I'm the brain here , I'll have a go with you." I can sense his ego expanding fast . " As you wish , Sir ." I utter . It has not even been 5 minutes and I already have him on checkmate . " Damn , you're good ." he mutters in resignation . Everyone just burst out laughing as I slump back down the chair.

" Chris ." a familiar voice calls out to me . I look around and see a muscular black haired girl looking at my direction , " Ackerman ." I greet her as she sits down next to me . " What brings you here?" I ask as I take a sip of my glass. " To chat with you of course ." she smiles , which is rare for her to do so . Before I could even reply , a brunette barges in with a blond man along with a midget in his mid 30s as well as a bunch of what I suppose are his friends . " Hey , buddy!" He waves at me as he walks closer. " You look like you're enjoying yourself . I'm glad ." Tony chuckles as Eren sits down next to Mikasa . We all have a somewhat sentient talk .

" Hey , Chris." Mikasa calls out .

I hum as a response .

"Are you afraid of dying ?"

Everyone look at me , waiting for an answer .

"No ." I blatantly answer .

"Impossible , people are afraid of death , even the strongest ones do too ." Levi , the midget who is somehow related to Mikasa opines .

" I don't even have the will to live , how am I even supposed to be afraid of death ?" I look at him straight in the eyes coldly .

" Chris..." Mikasa gently places her hand on my arm .

" It's fine , I expected this question anyways ." I blankly look at her. I take another sip off my glass and sigh . "Fear is a sign of weakness . " I add , " Being afraid makes you hesitant ." I shoot a glance at them .

" But you all are human beings with emotions , that's a fact and it's hard for you to just shake it off."

Eren grabs me by the arm , " What do you mean 'you all ' ? Don't talk like you're not human at all ." he snarls .

" Do I look even one bit human to you , Jeager ?" I ask , maintaining eye contact with him .

He backs off and looking at the clock , I let out a sigh .

" I'll be in my room , call me if you... need anything ." I say as I walk off , leaving them to their own devices .

Maybe I'm not as humane as how people see me as .