Gift (2)

Diana spends her day with me, our tiring-yet-fun routine of chatting, asking Joseph for an answer, and got an A because of him. But, her voice will be missed, especially for me. Her cheerful, yet sad face will be one of the best memories I will ever preserve. I will miss her childish, meddling, annoying, sly attitude. My heart trembles when I know, this is the last day I will see her.

I watch her face, eating her burnt nugget she cooked herself, munching it fast before making a weird expression. "Bitter," she says.

"Yeah," I say unintentionally.

"What's wrong? Is there something on my face?" she asks. I shake my head.

"Nothing, nothing in particular."

"You sure?" she asks again. She begins to use her phone camera to see her reflection. "Damn, this zit is so annoying," she says while pointing at a small red dot on her forehead. I smile.

"I know right," I just follow her words. Maybe it will hide my grief. I couldn't utter a single word since the day starts.

"Oh, have you watched the new episodes of Earth//Blood? It is so sad," heck, I don't even watch the TV, but I follow her words again. "It is sad."

"Okay Andra, seriously, what in the world happened to you?" she touches my forehead, "Are you sick or something?"

I usually brush her hand off, but I let her touch my forehead for the last time. Diana looks worried, but I'm more than anxious about her fate. I'm just not good to express my feeling. I want to hug her, telling her that I'm sorry for unable to protect her. I want her to know that I'm very grateful when she came to my life.

I can't, I'll just ridicule myself.

Diana gasps. She closes her mouth with her left hand. "Wait, is this because you know that I'll leave this place soon?" she blabbers.

"Left? What do you mean, left?" I ask.

Diana seems to be surprised when she realizes that I don't know about her plan, she says '—oops' and then try to blabbers about anything just to make me forget about it. When she sees my glares, she takes a deep breath.

"Well, my mom's condition worsened," she droops her shoulders, "She says, she might feel better if she is with gramps in the countryside."

"You're moving?"

"Yeah, I couldn't care less about mom," she says.

Diana mutters something to herself. In my head, there is a relief that devilishly infiltrates my mind. After this entire incident, she won't see me again soon or later. There is less heartache I need to deal every day, what's with this bittersweet feeling? I should be sad to know that my dearest friend will leave me, but I feel so relieved. Looking at her face everyday will make my life even more miserable and guilty.

"Andra, will you be okay if I leave you?" she asks out of the blue.

"…. What?"

"You're lonely, you know," she shoots me with the harsh truth. "Will you be okay in here? Who will be your cupid with Joseph if it is not me?"

"Don't overreact," I say. God, why does she need to ruin the atmosphere with that? Joseph and I don't need a useless Cupid after all.

"Right…"

Both of us stay silent until she moves her lips. "I'll go at the day after tomorrow."

I nod. Again, we are trapped in silence. Diana opens her lips again and then she closes her lips shut. We spend our last lunch together in silence, not knowing what should we say to each other. Both of us glance at each other several times. I realize that I will regret not saying to her that I love her, I want to hug her, express my thanks for her hospitality. I want to express my gratitude to a friend. I want her to know that she is a huge help for me. She made me open my heart to a special person. She taught me to be friendlier.

But nope, my tongue curled when I want to utter it. I might explode with thousands words in my head, even my body trembles because I hold my words so much. Gratefully, the school bell saves me. We head to the classroom and do our activities like usual. I restlessly eyeing her back, I want to make a proper goodbye.

"Andra," someone touches my back with a pen. I look at the person behind me. "I want you to go with me to the new bookstore today," say Joseph. Well, basically, he asked me to go on a date with him. Of course, I'd love to, but not today.

"I'm sorry," I force myself to hold it, "I have an important event tonight."

"Oh—Okay, we can do it when you have time," he says, I can feel his dejected feeling. I'm sorry Joseph, but I need to prepare myself for 'that' event. I let the time slip away doing nothing. As we walk to the main gate of the school, I don't say a word. Something I will regret forever. We both look at each other, eyes to eyes, but our lips shut, nothing than a breath of silence meet our ears. We departed, going through different road.

Just like that, just like how I curse myself for being dishonest to her. I spend my time on the road cursing myself. I blabber about everything I want to tell on the road. But it won't reach her anyway. It matters no more. The house is filled with Alska's loud chanting of a new guest. Mother told her.

I close my mouth while doing the habitual chores I usually did. Checking the plastic wrap, hiding the knife, spraying tons of fragrance around the house, so the smell of dead body wont make the soon-to-be victim suspicious. There are many things I regret, I lost count about it too. I'm powerless. I already said that countless time, but every time that word popped it my mind, it hurts even more.

My mind goes blank. It feels like, I'm dead already.

The clock shows half past eight. Mother said that she would be home at this hour. I ask Alska to sleep earlier, even though she grumbles, she obeys my order. Now, I just need to hide in my usual spot, watching the real life thriller, played by real life actors, and real consequences.

While I wait for mother, I check my phone. A new message from Diana, I open it with unexplainable fear, I thought she knows mother's plotting the murder. But no, it's just her saying that she loves me and you know the rest. I want to answer the same to her, but I just type another word on the text.

What will you do?

I send the text. Not long after, I get a reply.

Do what? Like, midnight snack? Lol, of course, I will do that! I read her text, knowing that she still doesn't realize anything. It gives me chill. When she knows that his father is missing, I bet it'd strike her like a big thunder. My attention shifted when I hear the door opened. It's mother, with her much-expected partner. Mother comes first, while the guy is tailing her behind, hungrily staring at her sexy figure.

Mother glances at me with a smirk. She leads her partner into the plastic-covered couch. He doesn't notice the plastic wrap, or questioning about the weird set. He is blinded by lust, lead by succubus, and fell into a trap. Just like another man who saw a succubus as a goddess. He is different than Mr. Rothe that I met before. His kind demeanor, respectful being is all gone. Just like another man.

Mother doesn't need to seduce him like what she did to another man. He is obedient and hungry for meat. He follows every instruction that mother gives. In a matter of second, mother is entirely string less, she lets the man kiss and sucks her neck until there are so many kiss marks on it. He goes down to the cleavage, both of his hand aggressively swirls around her boobs, fondling it aggressively and sucking the nipples as if it's a pack of sweet buns. The more I see, the grosser it gets.

I can see mother's disgusted face, as her anger builds up every second. Another kiss is another grudge she stores and ready to be unleashed. Mother, with full anger, pushes the man on the couch. He still doesn't realize anything dangerous, in fact, he sees an opportunity to please his eyes more. I bite my lips, it's even more painful than before, much scarier than I expected, sadder than it should've been.

Mother dances horribly in his lower body, while I see it as ugly, the man loves it, in fact, he wants more, more, more until nothing in his eyes can be found other than a blemishing color of red.

Mother uses the knife I hid under the cushion, stabs him in the temple and his neck. Simple, old trick that makes all men always fall for it. Mother stabs his face several times just to satiate herself. She spits on his face. She stands up and kicks his face with her heels.

"Andra, it's ready." She says calmly. I leave my hiding spot and join her disappointing blood fest. I see the dead body of Mr. Rothe. I don't even have a single bit of remorse about his dead body. He is just another man, who falls for the same old trick and webbed in this trap. I've lost my respect to him, but I don't know what should I do with all drama behind it.

Mother starts using her knife to tear the skin around his heart. She pulls his heart, still beating slowly. She forcefully takes my hand and put the heart on it. I can feel the heart in my hand, oozy and disgusting, but mother looks very proud. Seconds passed with me doing nothing over this weird thing in my hand. Mother starts talking. "It's her father, why don't you give it to her?"

Suddenly, my body starts trembling on its own. The heart on my palm nearly slips, and I can't help to stare at her with tremendous fear. She raises one eyebrow, smirking over my weak appearance. I just mutter a—a or e—e like an idiot. Mother smirks grow bigger, consuming my bravery even more.

"This is—"

"A heart? Fresh, indeed."

"But I—"

"Give it to her. A nice gift from our family, perhaps, they can learn to stop bugging our house like a stray dog asking for love. But I should say that this man is similar to his daughter. Stupidly naïve dog, which begs with their tongue lash out," mother walks out from the scene to the bathroom, before she closes the door, she glances at me. "Don't worry, a dog can't speak."

I switched my gaze to the heart and mother several times. I gulp my fear, though not effective, at least I can move my feet. I pick a small wooden box in my room and then put the heart in it. I stare at the box blankly. I'm thinking… no, I'm feeling the anger and sadness of my dear friend. Again, my hands tremble while holding the box. I hold every tear from coming out of my eyes, but God knows who cries. I cursed this man for destroying the life of my dear friend and her mom. But, I cursed the fire inside me for not even trying to blaze up.

I walk through the front door with phone in my pocket. I take Mr. Rothe is wallet from his pants, I peek at the wallet, and there is a photo of him and Diana smiling together. I feel weak because of the sheer fear of looking at my friend photo in his wallet.

The night hasn't been this gloomy for a while, but it's not raining. I want a heavy rain, huge rain that will wash me away. So I don't need to do this. I stop at the old park near the school. The cold wind doesn't itch my skin. Rather than that, it's a warm thing before the coldest one freezes my heart soon. I text Diana, I want to say that I'm sorry, but what's the point of saying sorry for now.

Come to the park near the school, now.

A reply is coming shortly after. Andra? WTF, it is night and scaryyy, what happened?

What happened? A hell of thing happened. I'm waiting.

Okay, but I expect something good, kay? She replies.

I grip the phone tightly. The stone bench won't be this cold if there is no black car in front of me. She does, coming as fast as possible. I can see Diana from the windshield, looking worried as soon as she sees me.

She approaches me and sits beside me. "Andra, what happened?"

I open my mouth, close it again, open it again, and close it again. I cannot. Not like this, why it needs to end like this.

"Can you hug me?" I say. My voice is shaky, I hope she doesn't notice it. She instantly hugs me tight. This is the first time I got a hug from a friend. It's warm, just like Mrs. Dowle's. Those who have warm heart have a warm hug.

"What is it, Andra? You don't look so good," she asks, still hugging me. I can't answer it. I look down, and the box is still in my hand. Soon, it's all will over, our friendship will vanish, and it's my fault for unable to do anything. These minutes of silence are my precious, how much I will miss this warmth. No matter how long I want to keep it like this, it's all just a useless struggle.

"Oh wait," she says. She runs into her car and takes a medium-sized cage with a small kitten sleeping in it. Complete with kitten food and the bowl too. She draws near me and put the cage beside me. I look at it with doubt. "It's for you. You know, my cat just gave birth to four kittens, but I give you the prettiest one!"

"Why?" I ask. She looks puzzled.

"Your birthday is 7th August, right? So… I think I can't give you a gift when I'm going to another place."

I feel numb. I'm a despicable betrayer with no heart. She shows a great kindness and care. Yet, the only thing that I can give to her is a box of bad news. I grab the box tightly with my fingers. Diana, why do you need to be so kind? You don't need to make this harder for me. This box is getting really heavy in my hand. However, I know she deserves to know about her dad, it is just a matter of time.

'I'm sorry...'

I hand the wooden box to her. "What's this? Oh! Is this my gift? I thought you forgot about it! But it's still a quarter before midnight. You need to give it after it. Well, thanks, Andra, I will keep it as my precious!"

"Open it," I say. I don't want her to bear more pain. I want her to unleash all her anger to me, maybe she will choke me to death after this, but that's fine. It's my fault for not defending that precious parent of her.

"Now? Well, if you say so…" she opens the box. I close my eyes, expecting a punch or a knife in my throat. I know what I will get, a devastating anger that will relinquish me from all of this suffering. But nothing, I get nothing. I peek a little. I see Diana face of horror. Her hands tremble until all her guts drained into nothingness. She drops the box. "What… is this?" she asks.

I can't look her in the eye. I hunch and answer it slowly. "Heart, your dad's."

"What is this? A surprise? Is it a surprise for my birthday?"

I shake my head.

"It mustn't be, my dad is alive, he called me this afternoon," she denies. Oh, my tears, how long should I hold it?

"He is dead…"

"What do you mean dead!?" Diana starts blabbers, but not her usual funny blabbers. It's the hurtful one, which will only pierce my heart. "Answer me, Andra!"

"He is… murdered," I reply.

"Murdered? No, he won't! Andra, please stop this awful prank!" she denies, demanding for proof. I've put my hand in my pants pocket for a while. The hard proof is in it, but my hand freezes when I want to take it out. When I give this wallet to her, it all will end with both relief and guilt for me.

I did it. I take out the wallet and hand it to her. She stares at it, doubtful. She must have realized the owner of this wallet. She takes the wallet and slowly opening it.

I, who have been bowing my head, see tears falling to the ground. I have no guts to raise my head. I just watch her tears absorbed in the ground. The tears also drip onto her dad's dirty heart. I crouch, take the dirty heart from the ground and hand it to her. After all, it's hers. I know she wouldn't want it to be covered in dirt.

"This is a joke, right?" she asks with unstable voice. It's the least voice I'd want to hear from her. "If it is, this is a very bad joke."

"It's not…"

I close my eyes. She'll release her anger and punch me, no, choke me to death, or pull my hair and slam my head to the rock until I bleed out. Something that will stop her anger, just like what mother did every day.

One second… two seconds… three seconds… nothing happened.

I only hear a loud cry, Diana doesn't touch me at all. She cries and falls to her knees like a weak child, crying and hugging her dad's heart. Why does she cry? Why doesn't she kill me out of anger? I deserve it, and I'm ready for my demise.

Her cries become very painful. I want to console her, hug her as tight as I could, so she knows how much I love her. I want to utter my deepest sorry for being a weak person. But I can't touch her, she knows how much of a despicable person I am. She glares at me, still with tears streaming down her cheek. "You know it, right?" she asks. I shut my mouth completely

"Tell me, who killed my dad?"

I keep my mouth shut. Diana, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for not being a good friend to you. I'm sorry for not telling the truth.

"Why don't you say it? Who is it? How much did you know!?" she demands an answer. But, no word has been spoken from this tightly closed lip. "You… you're… why do you keep all of this from me?"

"S—s."

"Did I do something wrong to you?" she says with croaked voice, "I trusted you…"

"I—I am so—"

"I was naïve," she cuts my words. I know, a sorry won't be enough. Not for all of the pain I give to her. She weeps her tears that keep leaking, but she can't hide the grief and disappointment from her face. She tries to stand, but her leg stagger. "Thank you for the gift, my dear friend…" No, please don't say thank you, it's a torment for a weakling like me.

Diana turns her back, taking the box and the wallet. She drives away, and I'm all alone with regret. Not even a goodbye comes out from this mouth. I bite my lips until it's bleeding, my lips parting and a whisper finally delivered to the wind. "I'm sorry…"

When I get back home, mother is waiting on the clean couch, no trace of body or blood scattered around her. The disappointing blood fest ended with her drinking red wine, mixed with fresh blood.

"Back so soon?" she grins, "I thought you'd be back with bruises and blood."

"… You look happy, mother," I say, while I want to punch her in the face for doing something like this to me. I can't, I have the mixture of fear and love for mother that prevents me to do anything like that to her.

Mother glances at the new cage in my hand, "Kitten, you better keep it secret," she takes the last sip of her blood wine, "Something might happen to the kitty."

I ignore her. It's a painful night. I would rather induce myself with sleeping pills and forget all of this memory for a while. I locked the door, taking enough sleeping pills and lies on the bed. I close my eyes. All the short memories with Diana are passing through my brain like an old movie. I ended it with another word I want to tell to her. "My dearest friend…"