Chapter 8 : Pain

I felt uneasy.

There was this weird feeling in my stomach.

Mal : Dude she asked me about

          the girl you liked and...

          ‎

Me  : ....AND?

Mal : Manh..... I may have told

          her that YOU like her but....

                 ‎

Me  : But?....BUT WHAT?!

Mal : Manh it's best if you see for

          yourself, I'll send you the

          screenshots of our 

          chats. Please just come

          online....

         ‎

*Cuts the line*

I don't recall what happened then.

All I remember is running at the top of my speed to the closest place I could get an Internet connection.

I open Facebook Messenger.

Malcolm had already sent me the screenshots of their chats.

I saw what she had said.

I couldn't understand at first, nothing seemed real, not even the fact that I was using my phone.

I couldn't believe it at all.

It made no sense.

       "Is this... really her?" I asked Malcolm.

            "Yeah dude...I don't know what's happening" he said.

I didn't know what to do.

Just standing there, below my friends house using his WiFi network, late to reach home, I kept staring at their chats, trying to figure out what's happening.

My mom called me a dozen times on my phone.

I didn't answer.

Come to think of it, I didn't realize I was getting a call at that moment.

I was REALLY confused.

Pretty much like that "Wait. What?" kinda situation.

I walked home alone that day.

Kane had left long after the call.

It was late at night, dark.

Looking around, nothing made sense. I didn't realize walking, the passing buildings from afar, the sound of cars on the road, the pain in my legs after the tiring match, the rocks along my path I almost tripped off,..... nothing.

Sounds surrounding me, seemed to echo in my head along with the pictures of what she had said.

I was numb and senseless.

I come home.

Ring the doorbell absent- mindedly, forgetting the fact that everyone were out shopping.

I open the door with the keys I had, after a long time, after realizing nobody was at home.

Funny, it's as if it was planned all along, that I needed some time of my own, alone.

After splashing some water in my face I kinda come into my senses.

I prepare my mind to read again, those scary chats.

When Malcolm told her that I liked her, despite of asking him NOT to,

She responded in a weird way.

I took a deep breath, and read it.

She called me an A**hole.

She said she would never want to see my face ever again, rather than talking to me.

          "How can he do this?" She said to Malcolm.

I didn't understand anything.

I freaking loved her so much.

I couldn't understand what I had done wrong

I didn't cry, I couldn't believe any of what she said.

So to clarify it, I decided to talk to her myself.

At first I was scared.....

What should I say?...

Would it be okay?

But then this was only way I'd find out.

I text her on messenger.

Me  : Hey....

She : What.

Okay.... that's bad.

And I don't know why, I just come up with.....

Me  : I'm sorry

So smart of me right?

*facepalm*

She : What the f*** do you think

          you are?

I paused.

Fear grabbed my heart.

Me  : What?....

She : F*** off.

I read that twice.

Thrice.

My heart filling up with hurt.

And my eyes with tears.

On the fourth read, I felt a tickling sensation on my right cheek.

Identifying the cause, I was surprised to find,

A tear.

I kept staring at our chats as she kept on giving her past experiences with guys.

                   "There is a thing called 'her feelings' " , she said suddenly.

Breathing became hard.

I was choking on little sobs.

Nobody was at home.

Crying, while staring at what she said. My hands began feeling weak.

The bitter truth made my soul scream from inside.

She didn't love me.

Holding on to the phone as hard as I can, head bowed down, trying to hold in the tears, but in vain, I try not to drop it.

In the end she said "I hope you can forgive me for this, I'm sorry"

I couldn't get myself to reply to anything. My vision was blurred, those tears barred me from seeing anything on the screen now.

I switched my phone off and fell to the floor on all four limbs.

"But....what about the song...

.....and those times...those amazing times you spent with me...and our chats....."

I tried saying to myself as best as I could trying not to sound like a wimp.

I cried my heart out.

These cries echoed around the walls of my room and the entire house, with nobody, but me.

"There is a thing called 'her feelings'

She said.

I loved her.

From the day I met her, I couldn't think of anything else but Rose.

I would wake up every Friday just to see her face.

"ROSE!" was the name, I'd always wake up to.

Staying online, everyday, all the time, always excited,

just so that I would not miss a single day chatting with her.

Talking about K-Drama all the time, me singing a Korean song....just for her, making sure she had someone who respected and loved her interests, knowing how she FEELS.

Not a SINGLE day went by when I didn't.

The person who I believed to be most beautiful of all, "ROSE"❤

The same person for whom I spent day and night searching for in social media.

Just so that I could talk to her.

I promised myself that no matter what, I will always be there by her side.

I never minded the effort and most importantly the love and dedication I put in for her.

Because I believed from the bottom of my heart, that she was worth it.

And now that she said,

"What the f*** do you think you are".....

What does that make me?