Chapter 11 : Happy Feast?

"WAKE UP!!"

"YOU'RE LATE FOR SCHOOL AGAIN"

I'd wake up to my mom's 'sweet' words, unsatisfied with the amount of rest I'd get every. single. day.

And be disappointed after reaching my hand out to get my phone from it's usual place, just to not find it there anymore.

        "Ofcourse....." I'd think.

Yes. Exactly how'd start my days now.

Days passed by,

And boredom seemed to favor all of them.

I decided it's high time I started taking stuff at school seriously and improve myself.

Her thoughts were indeed troublesome, but I had to learn to bear with that.

To deviate my mind from her, I wanted to go play football, really bad.

But thanks to my scores, I was grounded.

I even thought music could fill the void, atleast for a while.

But my parents neither favored me my phone, nor my guitar.

To be honest,

I felt like running away.

The silence in my room, staring into the black and white sheet of the many pages in the textbooks that seemed so large, my feet getting pins and needles from doing nothing but sitting in one place all day, all night, was just sickening.

I tried hard not to zone out while studying. Because there was nothing else I'd think about, except for her.

The month of December had begun.

Although my upcoming exams would have been given importance, my parents would prioritize religious ceremonies first.

And such a day, was the 2nd of December.

St. Francis Xavier's feast.

And since my whole family resided from the same place where the Saint's body was buried(or kept), "not going" wasn't an option.

    "Just another boring day at the church"

I thought, staring at the pale blue sky from the window in the back seat of our car, on my way to the church.

On entering the church compound, nothing was new.

Just those many, MANY PEOPLE, wishing each other, spreading smiles on each other's faces, walking in, into the main hall of the church for mass.

After mass, everybody was told to move into the compound.

All the delicious food waiting to be eaten, the band outside playing traditional Goan music, people dancing, and making merry and joyful faces all around me, like it happened every year.

I felt I was the only wrong book in the shelf, since I enjoyed not a single bit of that moment.

I wanted to go home.

I turn towards my mom, she's busy speaking with relatives, and so was dad.

        " Ugh. How long more?"

My eyes fall upon an ice cream stall, which makes me crave for some.

I don't know about others but when it comes to me, and ice cream, boy there's nothing living to break the bond.

I get myself some and had just finished opening my packet, ready to get lost into the world of chilled sweetness.

But....

I stopped.

This guy.

Standing beside me.

He said something, I took a moment to take in.

           "Hey Rose, over here! Would you like a scoop?"

I didn't wanna look back.

I tried hard not to.

But when in reply I heard,

"Sure! Strawberry flavor."

I don't remember hearing anything else after that.

Just my heartbeat, playing like a loud drum into my ears.

A beautiful girl.

In orange and black.

High heels, but wasn't necessary, she was already on top of the world.

The sea would be jealous to look at such gorgeous, wavy, hair.

Maybe words would prove less to describe the perfection I was staring at.

But this heart of mine, was in a continuous war with my mind, which was asking me to look away.

Ofcourse, they don't call heart the strongest muscle in the human body for no reason.

The mind protested,

"LOOK AWAY. ITS NO USE."

The heart adviced beautifully,

"Say a hi."

Yes, you guessed right, I listened to my heart. Guessed wrong?

Ahh well let's just say I'm stupid then.

.....

She walked towards me.

I felt like I was gonna explode.

But I decide I should just take this chance. So I say,

"Hi!"

I thought I was fainting or maybe the earth suddenly changed dimensions.... but no, she actually passed by right beside me, without noticing me

AT ALL.

She IGNORED ME.

She didn't even look towards me. As if I wasn't even present there.

It hurt.

But I guess I've gotten used to it.

Now she was standing on one side of the compound, recording videos of everyone  dancing,

While I was on the opposite side, stealthily looking at her.

She suddenly gave her camera to some person to record, and took her friend Mariah to dance with.

She looked like a princess. The way she moved was breathtakingly gorgeous.

The whole moment was suddenly so beautiful and joyful,

UNTIL a guy, named Roshan picks her up and starts dancing with her.

Although I was burning inside,

My heart :

"God she looks heavenly. Keep adoring her."

My mind :

"SNAP OUT OF IT."

"GET YOURSELF A PARTNER AND PROVE YOUR WORTH"

For once, I decided to listen to my mind.

There was a friend of mine named Angelina. She's a really kind person. So when I asked her to dance with me, she hestitated a little bit but then agreed.

We went over to the dance floor in the compound and started dancing to soothing Goan music.

Rose hadn't noticed me dancing yet.

The band was playing really slow and peaceful songs when from outta nowhere, they decide to change the tempo to an upbeat fast pop song, also Goan.

The mood of the crowd changes, everyone goes wild. Dancing around me was intense.

So in order to blend in, I start moving really fast with Angelina.

She danced pretty well.

We were actually enjoying ourselves.

Rose's eyes fell upon me dancing with Angelina.

A sort of indirect competition took place between me and her while we kept dancing with out partners.

Maybe it was just me or she actually kept peeking into me dancing with Angelina.

We danced out energies empty and the upbeat song came to a stop.

I turned to looked at Rose's face, just a little longer.

She turned away, looking....sad?

Out of the blue,

I felt like someone had punched me right into the stomach.

I ran to the washroom, and the sense of guilt forced me to throw up.

I was crying.

I realized I did the wrong thing.

I let my mind, completely change what I was.

Me dancing with Angelina proved how SELFISH I had been.

In that moment, while dancing, I thought only about myself, and not her?

How must she have felt seeing me as a different, and selfish person?

"THIS IS NOT ME!!!" I cried.

"She believed that my love for her was never real and I proved her right?...."

"NO!!"

'I...I love her."

I did my whole life.

But today, I regret this day....so much.

Because today I made her believe.... that my love,

Was nothing else... but fake, in that moment.