......

Dear diary,

Its been so long since I shared my feelings with you. Maybe it was because, I was finally happy, because I didn't have any sad emotions to let out but today...everything has come crumbling down.

I have cancer, the doctor said it wasn't serious.. she said I had nothing to be afraid of but I can't help it. I know countless people who have died from cancer...and I'm not strong enough to handle the treatment. I heard that it is really painful...I'm scared, I'm a coward I know but I just don't want to do it...but I don't want to die either.

I haven't told Carlos yet, can't bring myself to tell him. I'm afraid that he might leave me because of this, I might actually become a burden to him, which I have been throughout this relationship.

I don't want to lose Carlos....I'm just so angry at life for throwing such a bomb at me...just when I thought I was finally going to be happy.

~The days of my smiles are all gone, my pain and suffering has been born.