thirty five

Dear Taehyung, Please forgive me.

~ ♡ ~

Taehyung's POV

I kissed her goodbye, not wanting to leave at all. But I had to. I stepped out the door with a sigh, locking it behind me.

I started my 30 minute walk, debating whether I wanted to stop and grab a hot cocoa. I decided against it, mainly because my stomach felt slightly nauseous.

Something felt off. I had a nagging feeling tugging at my conscience, I swear it was telling me to go back home. I wanted to, so much. But I couldn't. I had to be at this meeting.

I kept walking, telling myself that if I didn't think about it, the day would pass quickly. It's funny, not long ago, practice, meetings, interviews, shows, concert tours, I looked forward to all of it. Days spent in the practice room didn't feel so long, and I was never in a hurry to leave.

Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed everything about being part of BTS. But I enjoyed being with y/n more. I hadn't been looking for a relationship, but it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Y/n was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I didn't know yet how I was going to do it, but I needed to find a balance between BTS and Y/n. I didn't hate that I had to practice, and do shows, and all the other things that were part of being BTS, but I did hate being away from y/n.

I finally got to the building, taking an elevator up and heading to the meeting room, seeing Hobi and Jimin as I stepped thru the open door. "Hey." I said, and they both looked up.

Jimin smiled "Hey Tae, your early!"

I looked at him sourly. "I'm not always late, Jimin." He just giggled.

"Where's everyone else? I figured RM would have been here first."

"He's here, I think he went to the bathroom. Everyone is here except Suga, and I'm sure he's on his way by now." Hobi said. "Jungkook stopped at the vending machines, claiming starvation, and I think Jin was talking to his stylist about something."

I finally sat next to Jimin, leaning back in the chair and stretching my legs out under the table.

"What's wrong Tae? You seem preoccupied."

"I don't know, I hope nothing. I just have this feeling, I don't know how to explain it."

Just then RM came into the room.

"Meeting is starting in 15 minutes guys. Anyone seen Suga yet?"

Hobi shook his head. "Nope, but he'll be here in time. He's never late, somehow, even if he sleeps till the last possible minute."

RM nodded, and two seconds later, Suga, Jin and Jungkook all came thru the door, taking a seat.

"Ok, well, since we're all here, just so everyone is clear, after the meeting, we will go across town for the interview with the radio station, and then we'll be coming back here and practicing for the rest of the day."

Everyone nodded, and I closed my eyes, just wanting to be home, with y/n.

The meeting lasted an hour and a half. I could have fallen asleep, except Jimin didn't let me. He kept bumping me under the table with his knee. "Tae, you're going to get in trouble. Stop dozing off." He whispered.

"I can't help it, it's boring." I whispered back.

"I know, but keep your eyes opened."

The meeting finally ended. Ten minutes later we were on the way to the interview. It took another 10 minutes to get there. Then we spent another hour and a half being interviewed.

Finally, we were on the way back to start practice. I still just wanted to go home. I had a headache, and my stomach felt like it was tied in a big knot.

I finally had a minute to text y/n in the car on the way back.

'I can't wait till today is over so I can come home and hold you. I love you. Tae 😘'

I hit send. I didn't receive a reply, but I thought maybe she was sleeping. She'd get my text when she woke up.

We got back, and I found a sweatshirt to change into, taking my dress shirt off and pulling it over my head. I grabbed my extra sneakers I kept here, and changed into them, heading to the practice room. It was close to one o'clock.

Jimin was the only one there, sitting on the floor looking at his phone. I walked over and sat next to him, checking my phone to see if maybe y/n had replied and I'd missed it.

Nothing. I sighed. I had told her to sleep all day if she wanted. I'm sure that's why she hasn't replied.

"What's wrong, Tae? You look like your best friend just died."

"Well if that were the case, you wouldn't be talking to me right now, pabo." I took a breath, letting it out slowly. "I sent a text to y/n, and she hasn't replied yet. It's been almost 30 minutes. I'm probably worrying for nothing. She said she was tired, and I told her to rest all day if she wanted to. I'm sure she's just sleeping."

"Probably. Or maybe she went for a walk and forgot her phone. I wouldn't worry, Tae. I'm sure she's fine."

"I doubt she'd go for a walk. She still doesn't know her way around. Besides, I didn't get her a key made yet, so she wouldn't leave the house, because she wouldn't be able to lock the door." I ran my fingers thru my hair, half tempted to just leave and skip practice.

"Well then I'm sure she's just sleeping. What else could it possibly be?"

"I don't know, I just have a bad feeling. I was a little nauseous this morning  when I left, and something kept telling me to go back. But I knew I couldn't miss the meeting and interview."

"You probably just feel guilty that you had to leave her alone her first day there. I'm sure everything's fine Tae."

"I hope you're right Jimin. This day can't end soon enough."

He put his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder. "Just try not to think about it, and I'm sure you'll be heading home before you know it."

I smiled. Jimin could always make me feel better. "Thanks Jimin."

Just then Jungkook and Hobi came in, laughing about something, followed by RM, Jin and Suga.

"Alright guys," RM said, clapping his hands together, "we have three new choreographies to learn. We'll work on the first one today."

Jimin and I both got up, and we all took our places. I spent the next 5 hours practicing, and I had the choreography down after the first 2 hours. For whatever reason, I was always able to easily remember the choreography once I learned it, and most of the time, I learned it pretty quick.

They ordered dinner, but I didn't eat. My stomach still felt queasy, and I knew that eating probably wouldn't be a good idea, since I was also dancing.

They all sat and ate, and I continued to practice, even though I had all my steps down.

"Tae..."

I looked up to see RM waving me over. I jogged over, figuring he was going to complain about something. "Yea?" I glanced at him thru hooded eyes.

"You seem to have your part down pretty well, that's impressive."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised. "Thanks. It's pretty easy for me to remember the choreography, so I usually get it down pretty quick."

He nodded. "Jimin tells me you're worried about y/n because it's her first day staying in your house, and she hasn't answered your text."

I glanced at Jimin, then looked at my phone. Still no reply. From six and a half hours ago. "Yeah, I sent her a text hours ago, still no reply."

"Well then why don't you call it a day, and head home."

My eyes widened. "Really? I can go home?" 7pm was way better than midnight. 

"Yeah, go home. Just make sure to let us know everything is okay after you get there." He said, smiling.

My face broke into a huge grin, and I looked at Jimin, silently thanking him. I hurried from the room, glad that there was an elevator there when I got to them.

I typed another message to y/n, thinking she could still be asleep. Or maybe she had turned the volume down earlier so she could sleep, and forgot to turn it back up.

'Y/n, is everything okay? You never replied to my earlier text. 😕 Tae'

I got to the lobby, and hurried for the doors.

'I'm on my way home, namjoon let me leave early! 😆 Tae'

I wished I already had a bike, so I could get home quicker.

'I can't wait to get there. I've missed you all day. 🤪 Tae '

She still hadn't replied, and I was really starting to worry. Was she that tired that she could have really slept all day? And not heard her phone, or even looked at it?

'Please reply, I'm getting really worried. Tae'

I was jogging, trying not to bump into people. My mind was spinning, as I tried to think of reasons why she wasn't replying.

'Y/n, I hope you're okay. My heart is pounding with worry. I don't know why you aren't replying. Tae'

I was four blocks away, and at this point I was running. I was sweating, but it was probably more from fear than anything.

Two more blocks. Please, just let her be asleep. If anything happened to her, I will never forgive myself.

I turned the corner, and sprinted up the driveway, digging my key out of my pocket. I unlocked the door and twisted the knob, pushing it opened, running up the stairs two at a time.

"Y/n, I'm home" I was yelling louder than necessary.

I ran into the bedroom, expecting to see her there, curled up under the covers, sound asleep. But she wasn't there. I turned, panic setting in, and ran back down the stairs, into the kitchen. It was also empty.

I swallowed when I  noticed the piece of paper on the table. I walked over, and picked it up.

"Dear Taehyung, please forgive me."

I felt my eyes fill with tears as I tried to continue reading, but It didn't matter that I couldn't see well enough to make out the words written there, because I really didn't want to know what they said. I didn't want to know that she had left me, or why.