thirty four

When he realized you were crying, he pulled back, looking down at you, worried. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm happy, Tae. Today was a perfect day, and this is perfect, and I'm just happy."

He accepted it, and pulled you to him again, rubbing your back, and singing softly, until you finally fell asleep.

~ ♡ ~

You woke up alone in the bed, and instantly sat up, certain that Taehyung had left already, without saying goodbye. Your body slumped, sadness overtaking you. You'd hoped to at least get to see him one more time before he left for work.

You wondered where  your phone was, but thankfully you found it on the nightstand. He must have put it there before he left. You looked to see what time it was. 7:25am.

You glanced around the room, finally seeing your suitcase. You didn't have to get up yet. You needed some time, but you could wait a little longer. You lowered yourself back down, pulling the covers up to your chin, and wondered if you'd ever feel like smiling again. You sighed deeply, deciding most likely not. If something seemed to good to be true, it probably was. You'd have to remember that from now on.

You closed your eyes, thinking of Tae, and hoping that he would be happy, wherever his life took him. You brought the image of how he'd looked the very first time you'd seen him to mind, and you smiled, remembering how you'd embarrassed yourself, reminding yourself out loud to breathe so you didn't pass out.

"I hope that smile is because of me..."

You jumped, clutching the blankets to you as your eyes snapped opened. Tae was standing just inside the bedroom door, a towel wrapped around his waist, as he rubbed his wet hair with a smaller towel.

You hopped out of bed, not caring that you were totally naked, dashing to him, and throwing your arms around him. "I thought you'd left for work already, without saying goodbye." You hugged him tightly.

He chuckled, dropping the small towel to the floor, his arms coming around you. "Of course I didn't. I'll never leave without making sure you know I'm going." He leaned back to look at you, a puzzled look on his face. "You know I'll be back later, right. It's not like you'll never see me again."

You swallowed, averting your eyes. "I know, it's just, it's my first day here, and I guess it would feel weird not to see you before you left. It's silly, I know. I'm sorry for overreacting."

"Don't apologize. It's not silly." He tweaked you under the chin with his index finger. "I need to get dressed though. If I'm late, I'm going to be in big trouble for real." He walked to his closet, and you felt awkward standing there naked.

You crossed your arms over your chest, and bit your lip, watching him go thru his clothes, finding something to wear.

He settled on a pair of black jeans and a white long sleeved button down dress shirt. He turned around, seeing you standing there watching him, and didn't say anything, but walked out of the room, coming back a few seconds later with a white robe. He set his clothes on the bed, and held the robe up for you to put your arms in, pulling it closed around you and tying the belt. He kissed you on the nose, and went to his nightstand, grabbing boxers and socks from the drawer.

You continued to watch him, and he didn't seem the least bit bothered by it. He let the towel drop, and you sucked in a breath, holding it, feeling that familiar heat growing between your legs. He stepped into his boxers, pulling them up, and sat on the edge of the bed, putting his socks on. He grabbed his jeans, sticking his feet in and pushing them thru the openings, so he could stand, and pull them the rest of the way up. Before he buttoned them, he put the shirt on, buttoning it and tucking it in. He fixed his sleeves, and his collar, making sure everything was just right. He went back to the closet, grabbing a pair of black dress boots, and stuck his feet in, fixing his pant legs.

He looked so handsome, and you smiled at him, even though your heart was hurting so much you thought you were going to die on the spot.

"I wish I had longer y/n, but the meeting is at 9 o'clock sharp, and I need to get there a few minutes early." He picked up a watch off the nightstand, securing it around his wrist. "It's almost 8 now, so I should get going. I promise I'm going to look into getting a bike, it'll cut my time to get there down to a quarter what it takes me walking."

He walked up to you, putting his arms around you, looking into your eyes, and smiling. "I can't wait to get home later. I'm going to miss you all day. I'll text you if I get a chance, but I'm not making any promises, okay? You just relax, sleep all day if you want to. I love you." He kissed you softly.

"I love you too Tae, so much." You smiled, and he backed away, your hand in his until it slid out to fall at your side, and then he was gone.

You stood there for a few minutes, your nose burning, tears building, your vision going blurry, and your body convulsed as you tried not to break down and cry. But it was no use. You crumpled to the floor in a heap, and the tears fell without stopping.

Finally, you couldn't cry anymore, having cried yourself dry. You got up, and calmly walked to your suitcase, finding a pair of jeans and a hoodie. You dug for panties and a bra, and got dressed, finding socks and putting your sneakers on. You didn't have to really pack anything, because you hadn't unpacked yet. You hated to do it, but you couldn't take all the clothes Tae had bought you, because they wouldn't fit in your suitcase. You'd have to pick a few things that would fit, and leave the rest.

You grabbed your shoulder bag, and opened it, pulling Terrence out. You looked at him fondly, smiling. You walked to the bed, and set him down on Tae's pillow.

That made some room in the bag, and you were able to fit three outfits in with some careful folding. You fit another couple things in your suitcase, and only had to leave a few things behind.

Next, you grabbed your phone, and searched to see what flights were available to New York today. There was flight leaving Incheon at 4:55pm, arriving at JFK at 4:55pm. That was perfect. You purchased a ticket, and then decided to see if you could do the same for the train to the airport. Luckily, you could, so you took care of that too. Now you just had to make sure you were at the train station by 3:15. It shouldn't be a problem, you had plenty of time, it was just finding your way there that was going to be difficult. But you'd manage.

You grabbed your bags, looking at Terrence. "Take care of Tae for me, and don't ever let him forget how much I love him." As usual, he just stared back at you, his beady eyes showing no emotion, but you weren't worried. You knew he had your back, he hadn't let you down since you were 3.

You went downstairs, setting your bags by the door. Then you looked around, wondering where you could find some paper. You wanted to leave Taehyung a letter. You couldn't just leave, with no explanation at all. Your dilemma was, do you be honest, and tell him why you really left, or do you make something up, like, that your Great Aunt was sick, and you had to help your mom take care of her? You didn't even have a Great Aunt.

You knew you couldn't lie. You knew that it would haunt you forever if you did. You needed him to know the real reason why you left. You needed him to know that he hadn't done anything wrong, that it wasn't his fault, that you just didn't want to take his dream from him.

There was a roll top desk in the corner of the living room, and you opened it, finding what you needed. You grabbed a few sheets of paper, and a pen, and walked to the kitchen, sitting at the table. You took a deep breath, trying to decide how to start. You needed to think about it.

You decided to call your friend Donna first, and find out if you could stay with her for a while. You didn't want to go to your parents house, you didn't even want them to know you were back yet. Maybe at some point, but not yet.

Your friendship with Donna was a little out of the ordinary. She was quite a bit older than you, it was kind of like an aunt/niece friendship, and you were upset with yourself for not having called her sooner. She was so happy to hear from you, thinking you had dropped off the face of the earth. You didn't fill her in on all the details, but promised to do so once you got back. She was more than happy to have you stay with her, and said she'd be waiting for you.

The last thing was to write the letter. You stared at the blank sheet of paper in front of you until your eyes started to cross. Why was it so hard to put your thoughts and feelings on paper? You still had some time, it was early, but you didn't want to wait until the last minute, and then be rushing. You shook your head, and put the pen to the paper.

Dear Taehyung, Please forgive me.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

A/n: I'm going to need tissues by the time I'm done with the letter. 😭🤧