YOU ARE THE REASON

"Pass me the butter". Jin ordered me around in the kitchen as I was learning how to cook while assisting him at the same time.

Everyone ate the food that Jin made. I too, joined them moments later and dug in with the pancakes that Jin made.

"mmmm, this is so delicious!!" I said with a mouthfull of pancakes. The warm syrup on top of the pancakes made it so much better. I hadn't had pancakes in forever.

"Yah! thanks! I hope you cook better than this someday, because i can't cook everyday you know? That's one of the reasons why you've been hired" Jin said with a straight face. That was kinda, let's say, straight-forward, business-restricted sort of response.

"y-yes, I'm sorry!" I felt so down on hearing that but I shrugged it off, I shouldn't let it get to me. Besides it was my fault anyways, I should've learnt how to cook. But all my life I didn't had the shadow of my parents to teach me how to cook, my mom, I barely remember how she looked, I remember tears overflowing her misty, crystal eyes as she waved her last goodbye and told me to never look back, while my father....

Well let's not think about him, it would only worsen my mood.

"Do you like my cooking that much?" he asked me as he saw me eating with such joy. Oh, well, he is considerate enough to ask that, I guess.

"I..." I first finished the food in my mouth, it's considered bad manners to talk with a mouth full. "I actually usually don't have breakfast, as I don't know how to cook. So eating today in the morning makes me feel euphoric, like you've been given something you were deeply deprived of and were looking for with so much desperation." I replied and ate another bite of the scrumptious food in front of me.

"Do you, I mean did you live alone before coming here?" Taehyung asked me as he sat and ate in front of me, and I nodded.

"My parents died when I was at a young age, I've been living alone for a long time now." I chuckled and continued eating in silence. I couldn't really tell them about my actual tragic, traumatic childhood, they barely consider me a friend right now. I could feel Taehyung's eyes on me, a certain sort of warmth radiated off him, a sweet one, one that you feel when you hug your mom, or someone you love. I shifted my gaze to where he was, my eyes met his and I felt overwhelmed, I felt happy, my chest rose as I inhaled sharply and looked away. I've been devoid of that feeling, of parently love, I don't want to experience something I can't have.

Nobody talked for a while, not until all of us were done with our breakfast and I got up to collect the empty cutlery and crockery.

"Well, HIKARI are you aware of your duties for today?" Namjoon asked me, as I walked between the kitchen and the dining table.

"No, I don't actually.." I replied with a dumb face, I didn't particularly know the tasks for the day, but I knew I was supposed to clean.

"Well clean the hyung line's rooms first and then the living room." Namjoon replied and went to his room after finishing his food, he seemed so busy.

I started cleaning at 10 am and finished by 2 in the noon. Jeez the rooms were in a horrible, horrible condition! No wonder they needed a caretaker. I thought to myself and started giggling.

"What are you laughing at?" I didn't notice Taehyung walking into the room, catching me off guard.

"OH- uh, nothing".

Obviously I couldn't tell him that I was laughing at the conditions of their rooms, I might as well offend him and that's the last thing I would like to do. I've to remain focused on my primary motive. I need them to be vulnerable, to loosen their guards around me-

"Listen, if you ever feel like you need a friend or someone you can rely on, always know that I'm here for you."

"Anyways you should go get ready, You're supposed to go out with Jungkook today" it's sort of odd, how he can change the entire aura of his in a split-second, there was a slight bleakness in his voice, but I overlooked that, as maybe he wasn't in a good mood today and maybe I'm over thinking as usual.

"Sure!" I was about to leave but a question popped in my mind.

"Does Jungkook prefer a certain type of color or dress?"

Taehyung seemed annoyed but suddenly his face lit up.

"Come with me"

I followed him, and following in his steps I realized that he wasn't walking towards his room. Rather was he was going to my room? Why though, that too to my room?

"Let me help you dress up!" Taehyung said with his boxy smile.

"WhaAt!?"

"I mean I'll pick out the right dress and the right color, plus the accessories that would go with the outfit and make sure you look great"

Taehyung explained what he actually meant by 'help you dress up'

"Well it's not a date anyways, so I can wear anything right? I just wanted to know a specific color that he'd like." I replied back with half the enthusiasm he had which made him feel down I guess.

"oh okay then go with BLACK" Oh, I knew it, Black is his favorite color afterall, Taehyung said and left abruptly, closing the door harshly behind him. The bang of the door made me flinch, did I say something wrong?

IT was almost like he was hurt, more like offended.

I shook my head as I must probably be overthinking, like they say 'old habits die hard'.

I wore a black shirt with black shorts and black boots and my (black) hair tied up into a neat ponytail.

There you go. All black.

I went over to TAEHYUNG's room first to ensure he's fine and also to ask if this outfit looked alright.

"Hey taehyung! How does this look?"

"TAEHYUNG?"

He wasn't in his room. "Where'd he go?" I murmured to myself and was about to leave when a notification popped up on his phone and then another and another.

Being inquisitive as I was, I decided to check it. Even when I knew I shouldn't, morally, but purpose-wise, collecting information about them is more profound.

"Hey bae! Where are you? I miss you!"

"The world is so gloomy without you"

My heart somehow shattered into a million pieces. I know we just met and that we aren't even that close but Taehyung has been my crush since the first time I saw him, and knowing that he might have a girlfriend obviously hurt.

"Hey what are you doing?"

TAEHYUNG suddenly came in and I placed the phone back from where I picked it, he didn't notice thankfully.

I ran out with no reply. Tears slowly began plummeting down my face. Even though we weren't in a relationship or something, I still felt this slight pull towards him. I brought my palms up to my face, wiping off the tears that had escaped my eyes

I most likely had feelings for him, but I would never show because it's pointless. This scenario is temporary, I'm here for a fleeting moment, I'll never know when I'll be gone, vanish suddenly from their lives, and it's better we don't get attached to each other, the closer we are the harder this will be, for me and for everyone else.

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