Relationship Must Be Realistis

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It's have been four days after my dramatic fight with Namjoon. At that time, I locked myself in my apartment. I don't even go to work, absent without permission. Namjoon tries to fix this situation, he calls me several times, and leave messages twice a day. Yeah, just two messages a day, he's really too busy to just take care of this problem. I really know him, he will never let a simple problem disturbs his work. As before, of course I struggle a lot for our relationship. But Namjoon, he will act careless and just act like we don't have problem in the next day. That is how our relationship works, forget the problem without fix it.

Now, I setting my heart a little bit more calm after taking time for myself. Today, I want to meet him and talk something about us. The think that I was discuss with myself for three days three night. I hope there will be no tears and scream today. I'm walking to an apartment where BTS live as their dorm. After some minutes, I arrive at the 13rd floor and knocking the black door in front of me. Without waiting too long, the door is open and a handsome boy face appears behind the door.

"Hello, Kay Noona!"

"Hello, big baby! May I come in?"

Jungkook welcoming me with excitedly as always. He lets me in and I'm greeting all of the people inside the apartment. I surprised by a loud sound from one of the room of this apartment when someone comes out from the room.

"Kay!" That someone who open the door and comes out from that room shouts my name hardly, more excited than when Jungkook greeted me.

I smiling reply his greeting. "Hi, Joon!" I'm waving my hand.

He running to me and hug me tightly. I just keep my smile, no hesitate to hug him back. And at this potition, I see Haesoo Unni also coming out from Namjoon's room.

"Hai, Unni! I don't know that you are here too even Bangtan hasn't schedule." I greet her sarcastically while I push Namjoon and having done his embrace.

Haesoo Unni just gives me a little smile which almost looks like a smirk after hearing my greeting.

"Joon, do you really need your coordi Noona even when you just stay at dorm?" Namjoon is my next sarcastic target and He just keep his mouth close without answers me.

Okay, even I am not starting our conversation yet, but my emotion going high after seeing Haesoo Unni comes out from Namjoon's room. Oh God, how far the relatioship Namjoon did with that girl? How can I stay with him and keep my eyes close with this?

There are Namjoon, Haesoo Unni, Jungkook, Yoongi Oppa, Hoseok, Seokjin Oppa, two managers, a d 3 staff other Haesoo Unni in this apartment. I start open my mouth to talk as my purpose when I decide to come here.

"Joon, I just wanna say that from now we have not a special relationship anymore. I was decide it..."

"No, I don't want it!"

He cut my words directly without any hesitation. And he really makes me wanna laugh, "no" after all of this prove.

"Are you kidding me?" I shout it with higher voice than  before and everyone in this room become quite and stop their activities. Hope they gonna enjoy this live drama.

"Okay Joon, what do you want to keep from us?" I say it with a normal voice although I feel a little bit frustased by a man who stand in front of me.

"This relationship and you. I don't wanna lose you..."

"Bullshit!" I cut it off emotionally. "What a damn relationship you keep!"

"Kay, come on. We have been through all of problems for more than four years. You know, how hard and difficult we try to stay together..."

"Come on, Joon!" I follow the way he talks to cut his explaination. "What do you mean by we trying hard? The one who have keep all this punch hardly is me. But now, Joon I must be realistis, I know that you don't love me anymore. So, lets stop this relationship, okay?"

"NO, Kay! I just love y..."

"Haesoo Unni!"

"Kay!" Namjoon shouts and grabs both of my shoulders hardly. I see his eyes turning red, holding his tears.

"Enough, Joon!" I say it with lowest voice. I down my face and stuck it on Namjoon's chest.

I really feel hurt. Deep in my heart,

I really want to keep Namjoon for me. Keep his heart for me, keep his love for me. I try to hold my tears so they're not flowing even it's already a bit drop out .

"If you think that keep on this relationship will stop my pain, you're wrong Joon. I still put all of my pains together since a long time ago. But now, I just wanna say that it's enough."

Now, he cuts our eyes contact, he looking down and up confusing. Till I hear a girl voice which I never expect to hear.

"Namjoon and I don't have something special as what you say!" Haesoo Unnie says it clearly and look into my eyes sharply like a knife.

I smiling and move Namjoon from my face, so I can make an eyes contact more intensively with Haesoo Unni.

"Unni can say it easily because you never know how my position. I always waiting Namjoon and watch him through the fanpage account more than watch him directly. It's hard to keep our communication cause I know that he always stay far from his phone when he is working."

I'm taking a deep breath before I continue my heart explode. "Then, I know that Namjoon pretty closer with you. You are the other girl who really easy to meet him, following him everywhere, talking with him anytime you can. Can you feel how my feels as his girlfriend when your boyfriend feel so far but there's another girl who really more close that you can?"

I hate this situation, this is really out of my plans. I'm crying hardly and scream. I really hate the way Haesoo Unni pressed me till I'm making out all this shits which I keep for long time.

Haesoo Unni can't open her mouth again. Good, I will throw a vase beside me if she keep talking to me. Namjoon tries to pull me to his hug, but I refuse his hand and choose to sweep my tears on my face.

"I'm sorry, Kay! I really sorry, I know that's my fault. Let me fix it, um?"

I'm shook my head. "No, Joon! This is my final decision about our relationship. Joon, being idol, standing on the stage, music, your work, your member, and your fans are your world. I never have place in your world, let me find my world too, the place I can live."

"Kay." Namjoon grab my hand and show me his pleased face. "You know that you are the first girl who make me fall in love. You started with me from the beginning, you push me to always be strong, you cheer me up to pursue my dream, you always with me from my zero place. I can not without you, Kay! Really..." He stop his frustating explaination and move his hands on my cheeks.

"Please, let me fix it. Let me be with you."

I smiling and see his eyes softly.

"You already can do everything without me, Joon." The tears from my eyes dropping out again.

"You really already do your best even without me. And now, time for the second girl because I'm running out the time."

And Namjoon lose his words, he tries really hard to hold his tears.

One day, after all the pain you got. You will learn how to be realistis. Eventhough from the pain you got, you must collect and hold the pains in your heart.