First Conversation

I'm surprised at the fact that she talked to me. I mean usually with strangers, all I can do is have a very boring conversation. I mean back in first grade, everyone just talked to me. After a while, it seemed like I was left behind faster than I realized it. Well thinking about it, back during those times I never started the conversation, other people did it for me. I walked outside and saw where the girl was.

"Hey Chuyo-san*," I said almost on instinct. "Hey Itsuki-kun, you can call me Emico-chan," She replied. There was an awkward silence. Oh no, if I don't find another interesting thing to talk about, then the conversation is going to die forever!

"Itsuki-kun, what are your hobbies?" She asked politely. I don't know what hobbies are yet, so should I tell her the truth and risk the chance that she would never talk to me again? Or I could lie about it and then I have to keep up that lie. I mean I could ask about her hobbies, but if I ask her now, it would seem like I'm ignoring her question!

"Well I guess I like, playing soccer and sometimes basketball," I replied half-lying. I mean, I do like doing those things, but those aren't my favorite things to do. So I'm not lying, but I'm just not telling the whole truth, right?

"Oh okay," she replied almost like she's disappointed. "Well, what are your hobbies?" I asked back. "Well, I really like uh... fashion! Yeah..." she replied not very enthusiastically. After that, we ate our lunches quietly.

I went home after the school ended. I had some questions on my mind that didn't have any answers to it. Should I have told her what I really like or did I make the right decision? I mean, I can't keep that up forever.

I thought about my friend Daisuke, who said proudly to others he was an otaku on the first day of middle school, and people still liked him for who he was. Well, I don't wear glasses, but I'm an otaku also. I mean, I have tons of collectible posters and character figurines from anime like Imouto Omaru-chan! and Love Game Hate Life (I was able to get it before the anime released.) Also, not to mention a super cool poster from Dragon Call X! I am proud of who I am, but at the same time, I only let people know who I really am to people who I trust. I really want to be able to do what Daisuke did, but I don't have the courage to do it yet.

My mind is still puzzled with the questions that doesn't have any clear cut answers. I also didn't tell her that I liked her, partially because we weren't that close yet, but also because I didn't have any courage to do so.

I am well aware of the fact that I let my mind make excuses to not do what my heart wants to do, and yet I let my mind keep me from doing what I really want to do. Sometime, I hope I can finally get rid of these fears to be who I really am. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that for a long time.