Chapter Twelve

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Realizing now, as I am writing this, that back then in front of our house door, we were so close, I want to go back in time and slap our cheeks. We were so young and there we were, bodies almost colliding!

But I mustn't deny that in that certain moment, my heart was racing fast, his manly scent is enveloping with me, and I did want to move closer. I needed more, but I was the one who stepped back to widen the distance between us. Not only because I am growing uncomfortable of what I was feeling, but the fact that any second Mom can burst open the door and see us, unnerved me. We just made up and I didn't want to start a fire again.

Sean said I was his distraction. I wanted to comprehend it more deeply, but as he always does, he didn't elaborate it. He just kind of spoke a riddle and he let me think it over. I didn't know what's going on in his life. About what happened in his two older male models after introducing music to him. About his mother; if she cooks him dinner or if she is a hardworking one who stays at work late. I didn't know what happens in him whenever he turns his back and we part ways.

I didn't know anything.

I shook the thought away and focused on his appearance. It was obvious that he'd gotten in a fight, a very heavy one – so pretty much explains why Mom's face was so grim and seemed so in chagrin.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

He slowly, carefully, put a smirk on his face.

"It's a long story."

"I'd listen."

Even though he doesn't really want to talk about it, I insisted. It wasn't my attitude to insist someone who doesn't want to do something –but I guess I was just really desperate. I knew his cuts have something to do with Vance, and the days before, when Sean was gone.

We went to the nearest bench on our villa and sat there. I was still holding my bag in my lap, and he was sitting beside me, a few inches away.

"I met Vance on the way home once," he said. "Lasing siya, nahihilo, but he managed to throw a punch at me. I throw one back, stupidly. Alam ko dapat hindi ko na siya pinatulan kasi lasing siya pero... I hate losing.

"I was about to stop when he said he'll come after you again. He'd told things you wouldn't hear from a gentleman, and that just made me angrier."

Imagining Sean and Vance punching each other on a dark road hurts me. I couldn't help but to feel bad for Sean and to blame myself for putting him into such mess. I hated myself.

It's like I've put those cuts on his face with my own hands.

"Natakot akong baka totohanin niya 'yung mga sinabi niya kaya nag-post ako ng notes –"

"Stupid!" I blurted out. "I wouldn't know if that's serious or not!"

He frowned. "You should take things like that seriously!"

"But I would never know! You should have told me personally, not sending stupid notes!"

I was just so mad because what Sean did is just very cowardly. And stupid.

He released a heavy, defeated sigh. "Sorry. I just couldn't make time."

Like I said, I didn't know anything. What were the things Sean had been going through? Were those rough? Could I have helped?

"So it's my fault. Alam ko pupunta ka sa room na 'yun but..." Sean made a frustrated face. "Sending notes were the best I could do. And I hate myself 'cause because of that, you were..."

"Okay lang," I said, finally calming down. Sean almost broken into tears. I hated seeing it. "I-I'm alive, anyway."

"But you were still –"

"Sean! I am never your obligation, okay?" I said.

"I don't care if you are or if you aren't, fuck it," he said, slightly frowned when he cussed. He then sighed deep and looked in my eyes. "I want you safe."

I blushed. "I'm safe."

"Before."

"I was."

"Maurice." He turned to me, moved closer, and spoke. "I closed doors for everyone. You knocked. I opened for you. I knew I will treasure you the moment I let you in."

"S-Sean..."

"Remember the day you followed me?"

"W-What?"

"Since then, you never left my head," he said, his words tumbling like bubbles in my head, before popping and registering its meaning. "I wanted to know you more. I put you in this mess, and the fact that I couldn't save you... feels like I've something to do with it. I'm sorry."

I blinked and looked away, embarrassed to feel my cheeks heat up as he's in front of me, looking at me, observing me. His words hit a mark.

It hits my heart directly.

"Sean, w-why are you..." I gulped. "W-Why did you let... me in?

Why did he open his heart for me? And make me fall? And make me love him? And...

...make me yearn for him, unceasingly?

My eyes widened when his palm reached my right cheek, his face moving closer.

"Mau."

His hot breath fanned my lips, making me shiver, while the sunlight on his back peeked through his hair.

"I like you."

Before his lips met mine, we heard our front door burst open.

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