Chapter Fourteen

| His Music |

♥

There are a lot of things I wasn't familiar of, since my life revolved only around school, books, and home. For example: taste of alcohol, smell of a heavy crowded club, how to act and talk around a circle of friends, how to interact with other people without getting too awkward – and more that involved 'going out' and socializing.

But one, and I think the most unfamiliar thing for me is: a boy's touch.

How can a nerd like me be attached with men, anyway? The boys running after me like dogs running after a thrown ball weren't counted, either, because none of them even saw me as a woman – they saw me as a trial. Okay, and of course the incident in that room is an exception. That wasn't near from intimate.

The tension between Sean and I that day of our date tingles my back, my hands, and – I guess my whole body. That's how much effect he is giving me. His single soul is enough to break my own.

We were only walking a few inches away from each other, but it felt like his aura is hot enough to envelope it with mine, fully occupying me.

It seemed as if Sean had already relaxed. That moment, when he was at home, he didn't look comfortable. While sitting at the couch, his stance was so stiff, and his fingers looked as if they were trembling. He'd bitten his own lower lip a lot of times, too. If he was uneasy because he was there or nervous because of my parents, I didn't know. But I know I'll always remember those expressions he created. They were all precious. So funny and ridiculous!

"Sa'n tayo pupunta?"

I was wearing this cotton shirt and a long, plain skirt, then chucks. I tried not to match Sean too much so that we wouldn't look like a couple. I hate thinking we're a couple because it perturbs me. Not in the bad way, though – I mean... just the thought of him makes my heart wants to tumble down, what more could the thought of us, being a couple?

"I haven't dated anyone before," he replied. "I'm... new to this."

I blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?" I honestly thought we'll be writing a song again, or go to some place I never knew existed, so when he said that, it brought me confusion.

"I've never dated anyone before," he repeated, and I swear, that day is filled with Sean's new reactions. I never knew he could make a blushing face with a peck of trying-to-be-cool expression – and it was so adorable.

Remembering my cute reaction makes me laugh. I blushed as well, stopped walking, and then unintentionally gripped my skirt.

We were dating.

If date is a game, then surely Sean and I were beginners – not knowing where to go, what buttons to push, nor what things to do to make it exciting. I never knew I was on a date. I was sixteen, never had a boyfriend and never had a crush (except Sean, of course).

He walked towards me, crossing the distance between us, then suddenly, I felt his long hand wrap around mine, that made me gasp. My eyes looked up to his, shocked.

"Dates start with this," he said, showed me our holding hands, a smirk on his face.

My face was heating up. What was I supposed to say, anyway? My reply was my flushed and surprised face, and it was enough for Sean.

Together, we walked like that. Again, I felt like we've eclipsed – and no one had come to intrude between the two of us. Our entwined hands were the only evidence that we're really linked, as if the lines of our palms entwined like our fingers did.

We went to a mall and looked around, our hands still holding each other. The longer our hands hold, the longer I feel comfortable around him. We shared remarks about things we see, shared chats, and laughs. Sometimes I feel anxious about how my hand feels against his, what he thinks of what I've worn, if I look cute, but all those anxiousness are always washed away by his smiles. When he tightens his hold on my hand. When he looks at me as if I'm the only woman he's ever known existed.

Really, any woman on my position that day can easily fall in love. I've always wondered, of all women around the school, around the town, he'd chosen to stick himself with me. But I stopped myself from wondering, and just... tried to be happy that Sean had chosen me – I shouldn't ask for more.

"Are you bored?"

We were eating on a small restaurant when he asked that. Bored? I was so far from being bored – every simple things were so much enjoyable from normal. If I have known just walking around the mall brings so much smiles at me, I would've done this a lot of times before.

"No!" I replied rather enthusiastically. "I mean – n-no. Of course not."

"Good," he said. He cleared his throat. "Tutugtog pala ulit ako mamaya sa club."

My eyes shone and looked up. "Really?"

"Yes." He smiled, nodded. "I'll sing the song we wrote."

It made me happy! "Wow," I commented. "That's... that's good!" It wasn't good – it was amazing. It made me happy knowing he'll sing a song the both of us poured our hearts onto, and share it with a lot of people. I couldn't help but imagine him, sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage with a guitar on his lap, singing the song the both of us had made. It was so beautiful.

"Isn't it?" he said and winked. "Dahil sa 'yo."

I smiled. "Ano ka ba? We wrote it together."

He just gave me a simple smirk. "Believe me. This is because of you."

I just smiled at him, taking his words as a compliment.

It was afternoon when we went out. The sun was flaring hot that day, and God knows how much I hate that kind of weather. Since I was the only one who brought an umbrella, the both of us forced ourselves under it, quite laughing at the process. Since he was too tall, he'd pushed himself away and just walked under the sun.

We stopped at a familiar club. Seeing it again made me feel a little nostalgic, remembering the first time he'd brought me there. The bulky men. His long back. His guitar and his burning eyes. The lone flower on the middle of the table.

"Aren't we quite early?" I asked, looking around. The place seemed barely recognizable because it isn't packed. It actually looked pretty neat empty.

He just smiled and placed his hand on my back, making my tummy churn.

Unlike before, the club was not packed with people. Instead, it was quiet – almost like a library, except with the sounds of microphone and speakers. There are few other people, too, but they could be counted in my fingers.

"Ano 'to?" I couldn't help but ask. I was just confused why they weren't many. I mean, well, it's not that Sean really had to have a wide range of audience, but if he was scheduled to play, and he is known, then surely, people would watch him still, right?

Sean was confused, too. Naguluhan din tuloy ako. Lumingon siya sa 'kin, saka bumulong, "dito ka lang." Binitawan na niya ang kamay ko, saka naglakad palayo.

I took a deep breath, looking around. The orange lights on the broad stage is so bright it hurts my eyes, but remembering Sean singing there and performing, it suddenly became a good view to see.

I decided to walk towards where Sean is going to, going against his words. When I got to the backstage, I heard low conversations, muffled but I understood them.

"What?" Sean's voice, sounding disbelief.

"Yes, I'm sorry," a man's voice said. "We didn't know na pwede silang lumipat ng ibang bar." My eyes widened upon hearing it.

"Pero –"

"I'm sorry. We'll just pay you a half then we'll call when we need you to perform again."

I wasn't Sean, but I felt hurt when I heard it. It seemed like the audience that was supposed to watch him transferred to another bar. I shared Sean's pain. He was looking forward to this...

I was expecting him to sigh and say "I understand," but that wasn't what I heard.

"I'll still perform."

"Why? Are you sure? You can perform some other –"

"I want to perform today, whether there are a hundred of viewers or one," he said, and behind the door, I can hear his smirk. "As long as I can see her watch me. She's the only audience I need."

The man he was talking with laughed, but I didn't listen any further because I thought my head was going to explode in heat, so I just walked away.

I sat at the nearest table from the stage to surely see him in a perfect angle. I drank a glass of juice given by a waiter, recalling what he'd just said. I wasn't acting naïve – I knew he was talking about me.

Oh, Sean – how the hell am I going to understand you? I remember thinking. I rarely use the word hell, but overhearing them makes me go fuddled.

Of course I knew he likes me but that's because he told me so – and I never knew his liking about me went up to that extent. That he wants only me to watch him. And that date. That time. Smiles he'd given me.

It all sunk in that moment, when I was holding the cold glass of juice in my hands, and while watching him handle his guitar on the stage.

The people started to grow in number, then suddenly all them occupied all the seats. I was in the front, my eyes focused on his handsome figure, his handsome eyes. I realized he looked so deadly handsome when wearing his black shirt, ripped jeans, and while he's holding his guitar. And I admired it.

"Hi," he said to the crowd, and the response was a scream. Just like before. He laughed. His laughing voice intensely grew hotter through the speakers and I couldn't help but feel my tummy flip. "This song is dedicated to... a girl I... like... and..." He paused when people screamed again. Sean laughed, and looked at me, who was blushing at the moment. "And I want to... thank her for just... I don't know. For existing, I guess. In my life." The crowd laughed. My whole system did, too.

"She helped me write this song," he said and laughed. "I know how confusing I've been... through writing it so... thanks for understanding," he said, smiling. My eyes locked against his, and suddenly a smile slowly formed in my lips as well.

The crowd screamed and asked who that girl is. My palms automatically went up my lap, then I clutched at my skirt.

"She's... the most... amazing girl I've ever met," he said. "She's plain-looking, actually, but... her heart outshines it."

The crowd screamed 'awww', making me giggle.

"But now as I am looking at her I think..." He smiled and winked at me. "I think she's the most beautiful, too." He looked around the crowd. "The most beautiful girl, may it be inside or the outside. Her face is beautiful, and so is her soul. And I... uh..." he cleared his throat and smiled uncomfortably on me. "This song is for you."

I breathed deep, trying to calm down my heart that went messy beneath my chest, demanding to get out and wrap itself against Sean's. Emotions were overflowing. I never knew that when Sean gets up to that stage, he'll say things I never knew I'll hear from him, giving me surprises.

But... I guess he's just like that.

He's a person filled with surprises.

"This is for you, Maurice," he repeated, looking at me. Then he looked at the crowd. He strummed his guitar. "This song is entitled... Music Saved Me."

I remember the crowd's screams, the flashing lights behind Sean, his guitar, his smiles, and I think these are the memories I could never erase – because these memories made my feelings up, developing even deeper, going through beautifully, and stayed, even years and years and years after.

"Maurice..." he said on the microphone. "You... are my music."

And then his song began.

♥