Chapter Seventeen

| Falling Star |

♥

After that, nothing changed about what Sean and I had.

Well, he did.

Palangiti na siya. I even noticed he had a lot of friends! The rumors died down, and Sean even had the opportunity to clear himself up. But clearly, his classmates didn't care anymore. Who will care about something that happened two years passed?

And... things went smooth.

One night, I am reading a book like what I always do. Earphones on my ears. Smiling. Happy.

I looked towards the nearest window beside my table, and right now I'm remembering how the stars twinkled like ever. They were so beautiful. Closing my book, I put away my earphones and put my phone on my pocket, to stand in front of my window, watching the stars.

In a flash, I saw a star.

No, a shooting star.

I gasped, my eyes widening. What? What, what? I recall thinking, and all of a sudden my phone buzzed on my pocket. I fished it out and answered the call, knowing it's Sean.

"Mau!" I heard him from the other line.

"S-Sean, bakit?" I said, controlling my enthusiasm. I'd tell him what I saw after he tell what he's going to say.

"Nakakita ako ng shooting star."

Right then, my face softened, and my shoulders relaxed. I smiled softly as I touch my window glass, looking at the stars, as I listen to his voice, that I consider as my favorite sound.

"Ang ganda. It went down in a flash, leaving a white trail, and heck, hindi ako naka-wish."

"Sean," I said, still smiling sincerely.

"And then – oh. Mau, bakit?"

"I saw it, too."

There was silence. I didn't hear a sound. Then all of a sudden he laughed. Kahit malayo, pakiramdam ko nakikita ko ang imahe niyang tumatawa.

Ang sarap sa pakiramdam. My chest felt lighter as I listen to his laughter.

"Next time..." he said. "Let's see one together."

I smiled as I felt a flip on my stomach.

The months October to December of 2016 were my happiest days, I admit, aside from the births of my children. Those times were the times when love is the most beautiful thing I can ever imagine.

My parents and I were okay. Sean was okay, and had friends. Sean kept on singing. I didn't force myself to study almost the whole day – I tried to have fun with Sean.

Pumupunta kami sa iba't ibang mga lugar – nagsasaya, nagkukuwentuhan, gano'n lang.

But I guess the date I had with him that I honestly treasure is that day, sunny November morning.

"What, you hate ice creams?"

I scrunched my nose. Maayos akong umupo sa wooden bench habang nakahawak sa sling bag ko. Walang date na hindi ako nag-enjoy – every date is worth remembering.

"Hindi naman," I replied. "Malagkit lang kasi sa kamay."

He frowned. As he did so, the trees around us waved as if greeting us. The sunlight behind him flashed.

Gosh, his beauty is so appreciated by nature that even they themselves cooperate to emphasize it.

"What do you want, then?"

"I don't know," I said and shrugged.

"Pero sabi mo gusto mong kumain," he said, confused.

"Yeah... but I don't know what."

"Think." He focused his eyes on mine, trying to understand me, but I just looked away.

"Can't, I'm hungry."

He looked at me the way I look at math equations I can't solve (kidding, I can solve anything). It's as if he's solving a puzzle – knotted brows and curled lips.

"Ang gulo mo."

I smirked. "Deal with it."

He laughed and shook his head. "I gladly will." With that, my heart fluttered. "Anyway, diyan ka lang. I'll buy foods for us."

That's how he's been. Smiling, and very happy. I don't know why, but maybe because he found something that he'd been looking for.

Love.

I felt somehow guilty for not telling him how I feel. It's like I was letting myself enjoy him, but I'm not telling him why – it feels unfair. Kung may mailalawak pa ang ngiti niya, gagawin ko ang magiging rason na 'yon. I've been thinking what if he'd been waiting for me to tell it? Kaso nakakahiya – I remember thinking. Sa pasko, sasabihin ko.

At Christmas, I'll tell him how I feel – that's what I planned. We will be standing under a large Christmas tree, Christmas songs playing around us, Christmas lights flashing and blurring because the focus of my eyes is on his face. That's what I want to happen.

And although we just went out a few times, if I know our feelings are mutual, why should I prolong the dating?

Sean and I had several dates in that span of 30 days. Had lunches every day at school, watched him twice and more at the club, and more.

We grew closer, slowly immersing.

Now, let me just write this thing. I will never get tired about writing how much I've loved seeing Sean perform.

I have always thought that I loved Sean – without a reason. I mean, I just love him and I don't need to have any reasons to prove to anyone that I do.

But the truth is, my heart fell after the first time I've seen him sing on stage. That moment, when everything is just fresh and I barely knew him. When I just wanted to thank him for saving me. I didn't know that a simple token of gratitude could lead onto something beautiful.

It's one of the things I loved about him – his passion. His passion and talent that he rarely shows but whenever he does, it's all out – and through every piece of his voice – every strum of his guitar – and every stream of the melody he is singing with, is felt by my heart. He doesn't just sing, because he sings with his heart on fire, burning each listener's heart through the fire of his passion.

And every day I felt happy because his eyes aren't as opaque as before. It's clear, vulnerable, without secrets to hide. It's as if he'd broken the shell he'd been hiding at and shown himself finally. I thought I managed to get through his hard built walls. I was wondering, what if Steph had been wrong? What if he's no longer lost? What if he'll no longer disappear?

His smile was no longer a thunder that is ephemeral and striking – his smile is a permanent ink – stays, never dooms.

And it is true.

When Sean came back, he's holding hotdogs and drinks, smirking, and he gave my share of foods. We just ate them while talking, roaming around the park.

We didn't realize that the sun had already come down.

Kapag lumulubog na ang araw, nababawasan ang mga tao. It was a public park, anyway, so we can stay whenever we want. Kaya nang magdilim, napagpasyahan namin ni Sean na mag-stay at manuod ng stars. How clichéd, but who cares about clichéd when I knew we were living the night? It may sound corny, but whenever under the enchantment of love, who cares if things you do might seem so?

When it reached 7pm, we've tackled almost all the topics we could talk about. Life, dreams, and families.

That was the first time Sean had shared a story of his own. The first time I opened up his pages – and then I knew what he is all about. It made me remember the time back then when we were in a certain music store, and he told stories I have created by gluing up all the sentences he'd said. In that park, I didn't have to stick his sentences in my head – he simply told his story, without lies.

Sean's parents are married, but they separated due to her mother's affair. Sean doesn't hold a grudge, though – he doesn't care, anyway – that's what exactly he'd told me. And when his father met a new wife, Sean adjusted at the age of seven. That wife is his brother, Stephen, and Steph's mother. Since Sean's father is also musically inclined, and Stephen also is, they both clicked instantly and became close, leaving Sean, the little boy, wonder about the thing his Dad and older brother loves.

And then music was introduced to him.

Sean's father is a half-Japanese – his Father a Filipino and mother from Japan, which explains Sean's surname as a Gutierrez although he has a Japanese blood. Sadly, his Father died when he was fourteen, after his very first club performance.

Sabi niya, after that, it's been hard to find happiness of his own. It's like being cloaked with nothing but blackness, and waking up seemed to be a bother. He also mentioned the anger he held towards Niño, who is Steph's ex. His failing grades, people's hatred towards him, and more. Nothing else went good. What is more, without his Father, he felt as if an extra child in Steph's mother's house. His Father's new wife was not really nice nor bad with him – it's just that if she accidentally didn't leave a dinner for him to eat, she wouldn't get so guilty because she won't care. I've just imagined what misery he had to face because of this. Not feeling the belongingness, having the last person in your life to understand you dead, and people around misjudging you.

And because of that he tried harder, although depressed, to gain money and have to be independent of his own, through playing music.

He admitted that he turned his back against music. He played soullessly, singing lyrics emptily. He didn't have the heart to bring out the fire, because it's dead. Perhaps that affected his performances, and that made him stop from playing. He didn't care, he said. If it isn't for him then it isn't.

But like a boomerang, he came back. He looked for music as much as music searched for his heart and soul.

Sean didn't exactly leave music just like what Steph had said... he just played alone, when there are none to listen to him. He played when there was nothing but silence that hung around. He played when his soul hears nothing but the strum of music he himself creates, tethering himself within the chains of his music and tried to be fine.

"It helped. But not entirely," he said. Sean looked deep within my eyes. My heart raced fast under his soft, electrifying gazes. "Until I..."

Before he could finish his sentence, I quickly turned my head away to look at the sky, because of shyness. In a split second, there flew a shining falling star, leaving a white, glimmering tail. My eyes widened.

"N-Nakita mo?" I said.

"Saw what?" he said and hurriedly looked up.

I laughed. "'Yung falling star!" I exclaimed. "Geez – kung saan-saan ka kasi tumitingin!"

His eyes circled. "Really?" he said, annoyed. "The heck."

I continued laughing as I saw him get swallowed by regret. He smirked lopsidedly, and looked at me. "Whatever," he said. "I've seen something more beautiful than that."

I smiled, a blush creeping on my cheeks, then looked up the sky – realizing I don't have to look at the stars every night if I have two sparkling ones right in front of me every day.

Something worth-seeing than a shooting star in the sky.

"Hey, Mau."

"Hm?"

I felt him move closer to me. He left an inch of space between us, as if that makes a difference with no space at all. I held my breath when I felt his hand touch the small of my back. He was looking up, and because I'm tempted, I looked at his long neck, his adam apple throbbing beneath, and suddenly his smell, mixed with sweat and his perfume hit my nose. It smells good. He smells good.

I looked away when he looked down at my face who was looking up to him.

"G'wapo ko, 'no?"

I let out a laugh, looking away. "I'll support you."

Tumawa rin siya. "Sus."

Napatingin ako sakanya nang naramdaman kong humiga siya sa may damuhan. I hugged my knees closer to my chest, and I placed my chin on top of it, looking at him. He looked at me, too.

"Stop that," he said as he covered his eyes with his left arm.

I frowned. "Stop what?"

"Pagpapa-cute."

"Wha–" I didn't even! "Kailan ako nagpa-cute sa 'yo?"

"Lagi!"

"Excuse me?"

"Stop it!" He turned around, facing left, and I laughed.

"Problema mo ba?"

He sat up suddenly, then held my eyes with his own.

"Do you know... how hard it is to refrain myself from kissing you?"

"W-What?" I said, and even though that evening it was cold, my face felt otherwise. I tried to look away, but his eyes are keeping me from doing so.

"Especially when you blush like that," he said.

"Sean..." I said, my heart pounding fast, my hands getting cold. His head was moving closer to mine, his eyes as if sleepy, almost closing.

My hand gripped a handful of grass as I can feel his breath against my lips. I was running out of breath, when suddenly, I heard a familiar sound from the sky, making me look behind Sean.

"A-An airplane."

Sean stopped. His eyes opened completely, sleepy ones gone. I blinked as I look at him, expecting for my heart to relax but it didn't.

"Mau," he said, almost like a whisper, a smile on his lips. "Thank you."

When he moved away, I heaved a deep sigh.

"For... what?" I asked.

"For everything," he said, and touched my forehead with his. The warmth of his skin felt good in mine that cold night, and the wind and the scent of grasses were perfect, that until now I couldn't forget that moment. The moment that stayed lingering in my memories.

"I fought with my demons..." he said in a quieted voice. "And because of you, I won."

Instinctively, I saw my hand reaching for his chest, wanting to feel his heartbeat. His heartbeat was calm and serene, like a river, and I felt for my heartbeat that was beating rapidly. And although our hearts beat in opposite ways, I knew our hearts collided.

"Sean," I said. With a daring heart, I added, "I will always stay."

Sean smiled, so honest and pure, before he landed his lips on top of my forehead. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of his lips on my skin.

I wish I kept my words.

♥