Chapter Twenty-five

| the nerd's memoir |

My Mom died when she was 61, in her lone house on the seaside. Hindi kami pumayag siyempre na manirahan siya nang mag-isa rito, pero nang nakita namin siyang masaya, nagsusulat at nakangiti habang pinapanood ang dagat, hinayaan na lang namin, basta't kasama niya 'yong maid na matagal na naming pinagkakatiwalaan.

Bago siya namatay, mayro'n siyang binilin sa 'kin.

She was holding my hand tight, or at least she was trying to, while her eyes are closed.

"I love you. I love all of you, and your father. I'm happy... to have spent my life with all of you," she said in her raspy breath. Takot akong hawakan siya nang mas mahigpit pa dahil parang mababasag siya sa hawak ko. "In my burial, if you saw a man as old as me, with a black shirt... or any clothes that is black, with a guitar, hand him my diary."

Her weak finger pointed at the diary she'd been writing at this past year. Kulay itim 'to at leather – wala nang ibang design.

I was teary-eyed. I held her cold hand.

"Who is he, Ma?"

She tried to smile.

"He's very, very, very special to me, anak," she said.

And I knew her diary was important.

--

That day, it was cloudy. Ma-e-enjoy ko sana 'yong panahon kung hindi lang ako nagluluksa. Nakapalibot ang mga taong nakaitim at puti sa espasyong nakalaan kung saan nakalibing si Mama. Maririnig ang mahihinang pag-iyak.

Natawa ako nang kaunti. How the hell can I look for the 'man' wearing black when there are few ones wearing one?

I tried to look further.

Then I saw him.

He wore black, like others did, but he stood out with the guitar slung behind him. He was old, wrinkly, and with sagging skin. He was standing meters away from Mama, holding a white handkerchief. Black sunglasses covered his eyes, but his cheeks were wet. Alam kong umiyak siya.

Umiiyak pa rin ako, pero nilapitan ko siya. Hawak ko 'yung diary na tinutukoy ni Mama bago siya nawala.

He was surprised upon seeing me, but acknowledged my presence by nodding slightly. I nodded too.

"I'm Maurice's daughter."

"I know," sabi niya. When he smiled, I knew he was handsome on his younger years. "You look... so much like her."

Ngumiti ako. Past lover. Mama's past lover. He was, I'm sure, Sean, 'yung lalaking nasa diary ni Mama.

"Before she died, she said you're very, very, special for her," I started. He flinched, and pulled in deep breaths. "At gusto niyang... ibigay ko sa 'yo 'to."

I reached out my hand holding the diary. Nag-alangan pa siyang kuhanin 'yon, kaya nang lumapat ang mga daliri niya sa notebook, napangiti ako.

Kinuha niya 'yon saka tiningnan.

"She really loved writing, didn't she?"

By his voice, I know he's sad. Halata ring nanghihinayang siya sa mga oras na hindi sila nagsama. Seeing him, and remembering Mama, I know they're star-crossed lovers, and I'm sure they're meant to meet in the next life, if that exist, in another universe. Perhaps in another timeline when everything is perfect. When their stars aligned.

"She loved you, too," I said.

He looked up to me, and chuckled. Nilagay niya 'yung notebook sa tapat ng dibdib niya.

"I've loved her all my life," he said, and bowed his head to me. Then he whispered, "and maybe I forever will."

♥

fin.